sobergirl77

I am having trouble with the higher power thing. I have been praying to the God of my understanding, which is the God in the bible (Jesus).

However, it hasn't been working. I have not stayed sober. Since I have declared myself completely and utterly powerless over alcohol and admitted that my life is unmanageable, I need a higher power to keep me sober. I cannot do it myself, which has been demonstrated over and over again.

Anyway, what I am getting at here is that I am willing to explore other ideas of a HP. So I ask you all... can you share a little about your HP, if you are comfortable to do so? This might sound like a weird request, but I am desperate here. I've spent the last few days on the road traveling by myself and have taken some time to meditate, pray and think, and I feel that there is some other form of HP that I'm just not tapping into.

Someone at my home group meeting told me to pray to the "God that helps alcoholics".

I appreciate anyone that can offer help with this!

(And before anyone asks, no, I do not have a sponsor to ask help from with this.)

ANGELINA243

Just a few ideas--my HP has qualities such as....caring, forgiving, stronger than my addiction, courageous, kind, loving, all-powerful (able to do accomplish the humanly impossible), all-knowing, gentle, trustworthy Being...

CarolD

The God I use is my childhood Sunday School
God of forgiveness and love.
...I am not a complicated woman.

I consider my solid recovery began
when I did my formal Step work.

I suggest you look on the literature rack,
most meetingss have the official AA guideline

"Questions & Answers on Sponsorship"

Reading that might make it easier to find
a sponsor to assist you with Step work.

Blessings

bob_sapp

My higher power hates ********.

Tommyh

in my experience and mind,mine is love,Power,compassion and wants to help me...cares about me...and wants me to stay sober.....but all that aside,I had some "footwork" of my own to do if I was to stay sober.God wasn`t going to do it all

Tazman53

If I was your sponsor I would suggest you find a spot to be alone and pray for the ability to clear your mind of any prejudices or preconceptions you have of a Higher Power and then suggest you read the chapter "We Agnositcs", this is a powerful chapter to all seeking a HP, in it I would suggest focusing on the following:

That passage is chock full of hope!!!! God aka HP does not make it hard for those who are seeking him/her/it earnestly.

My HP who I choose to call God for simplicity is far more powerful then me or alcohol, he is loving, kind, & forgiving.

The best way for me to describe mine is to imagine the attributes of a perfect parent, then make that perfect parent all powerful, loving, kind, & forgiving.

Prayer, meditation, reading "We Agnositcs", with a willingness to remain open minded in all things led me to finding mine.

Oh yea and one other very important thing for me, I had to be able to humble myself enough to admit to myself I did not know how to stay sober alone, that I needed the help of another human being to aide me in finding my HP (Not his) and work the steps.

Until I had fully surrendered to the fact that I could not do this my way, I struggled.

jimhere

Dear God,

Please help me to set aside everything I think I know
About myself,
About Alcoholism,
About this process,
And Especially About God.

Open my heart and my mind to a new experience
With myself,
With Alcoholism,
With this process,
And especially with God.
Amen.

You might try this prayer, but I don't think you'll get far without a sponsor, as Carol said.
Didn't you just "fire" a sponsor not long ago because she was not being the kind of sponsor you thought she should be? As I recall you threw a bit of a fit because of it. One thing that will need to change is that attitude. You can't depend on God and play God at the same time.
Jim

zendust

Can You Describe Your Higher Power?

Absolute Truth

sobergirl77

I'm confused, where in my post did I ask for advice on sponsorship? You are incorrect in your assumption, by the way. I was fired twice. My last sponsor wouldn't answer the phone or call me back.

Where am I playing God? My goodness every time I post a question on this forum I get someone replying with a holier-than-thou attitude.

bob_sapp, thank you for that pearl of wisdom. is that the way you answer a suffering alcoholic in the rooms?

Thanks so much to those of you who honestly openly answered my question.

Thank you both bob and jimhere, I woke up with such a joyful and hopeful attitude today and now it has been torn to shreds after reading your replies. I appreciate it.

I'm all done here.

dancinggirl

What an interesting thread!!! I've struggled to understand this as well.

Here's what I think...and it most likely will sound nutty....

I firmly believe that when we die, we are able to still see/interact with people on earth, if we so chose. I believe that it takes effort, but that it is possible if needed/wanted. I don't believe in heaven/hell, but I do believe that we all have ancestors/family/friends that we have had a strong connection to in life, that can be with us in death, if we so need. So, when I "pray" for help and it happens, I think that it's my family (specifically my mom or grand-parents) that are helping me...not necessarily a "god". I think that when I'm "praying" and feel surrounded by love...I really am loved...but by family that has passed already.

Tazman53

If it works for you then it is not nutty.

justanothrdrunk

Early on (for whatever reason), I had this need to somehow conceptualize my HP. I couldn't do it.

I can't describe my HP. It's way way way beyond my understanding. All I know is that my HP loves me.

I gave up trying to form this sort of mental picture of my HP a while ago, and I've never more at peace. My HP is what it is, and that is just fine with me. I don't need to know details or answers. I just know that it's out there and giving me exactly what I need every day.

benblesed5

G-d,
Grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Step one: brought me to the reality of my life being in shambles

Step two: gave me the belief in a HP

Step three: gave me the ability to let go and allow HP to bring me back to sanity in order to WORK for managability.

Step four: began the process of working it all out etc....

Staying stuck on step 2 or 3 would have prolonged my ability to stay sober. I had to truly believe in a power greater than myself, and become willing to truly let go and allow Him to control what I could not which was my life, and then follow the rest of the steps that were place before me and allow the promises that were there begin to unfold.

I like you had trouble with finding a sponsor, only because I had no trust in others, I was a bit of a loner, independent, strong willed. I had always only depended on myself and I took the program and ran with it in the same way I had run with my alcoholism. I gave up all the old concepts of G-d that had been implanted in my brain as a child, I gave up all that I knew connected me with my alcoholism, and I focused on the BB, AA, and the steps.

This program is a program of individuals who find their unique way to sobriety, using the concepts and suggestions of AA. You are able to do anything you truly want to do, it is up to you to do the work that it takes or not. My HP and AA gave me the tools I needed, I did the foot work, and came to a good life today through that. I hope you too can find your way soon.

Tazman53

justanotherdrunk you said what I have been trying to get across to one of my sponsee's, he is getting there, I ain't pushing him, he wants it, we talk about it, I share my ESH and make suggestions, he is getting there, accepting that he does not have to fully comprehend his HP, just know that his HP is who he/she/it is and that is it.

Emimily

Hmm... for me, the Big Guy in the Sky is this energy life force - part grampa, part Far Side cartoon god, all light, all loving, all powerful, and all it wants is for me to be happy, joyous, and free. How I get to be happy, joyous, and free is by trusting the big guy, cleaning house, and helping others. I also think big papa's got a wicked sense of humor, and manifests physically through my friends, family, and other folks that meander in and out of my life.

My personal belief is that anything that you do/believe in that makes you LESS of an a**hole than you were before is good. Unfortunately, people use "God" to be pretty big a**holes on occasion.

RufusACanal

"Selfishness - self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.

So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us!"

"We needed to ask ourselves but one short question. “Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?” As soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. It has been repeatedly proven among us that upon this simple cornerstone a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built."

Excerpts from the First Edition of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous

Tazman53

Rufus that post reminds me that my very first step towards sobriety was coming to the realization that I was not God!

In order to free myself from me I had to find a Power greater then myself and let him care for my will and my life.

paulmh

My higher power hates everyone else's ******** but quite likes mine.

Sobergirl77 thank you for starting the thread and I hope you come back.

digderidoo

Hi Sobergirl,

I have had issues with the HP thing too, i started a thread on here entitled "can an atheist work the 12 steps", there was loads of good info on there which helped me, i'd suggest you take a look at it.

Moving on from there i have issues with praying as i do not believe in an external God. I believe that maybe there is a spirit of the universe, but not a God that has to be worshipped and prayed to.

I do believe however that i have a spiritual side to me that needs to be developed, i feel that side of me kicking in when i see a beautiful landscape or in an art gallery or listening to classical music for instance.

I believe i can develop this spiritual side to me by meditation rather than prayer. In my view prayer is another form of meditation, but that's my view.

For me it is something deep inside of me, may be if i develop it, it can be in touch with all those things in the universe that we do not understand, which in my view is a higher power.

So to sum up, that spiritual side to me that is somewhere deep inside is what's in touch with a higher power. That is what i need to concentrate on when people say leave it to your higher power. Sounds complicated but it's simple to me.

Another higher power i have is the AA group itself. Recently this hit me after i had missed three weeks of meetings due to a vacation. I went to a meeting out of my area, no one knew me, but instantly i felt at home and at peace within myself. This to me is GOD (Group Of Drunks), they make me feel at peace.

So for me i have two higher powers, 1) my spiritual side 2) the people in AA

Find what works for you, just because someone experienced in AA tells you to pray to a conventional God doesn't mean they are correct in your individual case.

Paul

navysteve

In my active alcoholism I found myself in a few places like:
The back seat of police cars
Jail cells
Hospital beds
Living outdooors in the winter time.

During those bleak moments I had a strong desire to pray to God ( actually I was like the spoiled kid sitting on Santa's lap asking for toys) I found that I made demands out of God rather than ask for what his will is for me. This has been a trap in my alcoholism and in my recovery. If I am asking God to enter my life and I believe that he is all powerful ( and I do) that means I have a responsibility too. God, I am sure can remove the desire to drink from anyone at any time. I struggled for a few years in AA with constant thoughts of wanting to go back out. When I arose in the morning and asked God to guide me, I have to remain open to that guidance for the 24 hours ahead. Some cannot do this, they are not at fault. Many can, but reject the ways towards a better life. I hear it all the time:

Will you work the steps?
Are you willing to go to any lengths to get and stay sober?
If you stick with the Big Book I believe you will find a God and stay sober. I am not a christian. I do not pray to Jesus. Nor am I caught up in the New Age movement that says anything is ok. I was introduced to a God that makes sense to me in AA. I had to do what the people who work the steps out of the Big Book did. That is important. All the praying in the world will not save me. The Big Book tells me this ( pg 63). ACTION ACTION ACTION!!!!!
What do people who stay sober and seem happy do?
That is where you will find your Higer Power. Because they didn't get that way on their own