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-   -   Something that's been "eatin my lunch." (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/alcoholism-12-step-support/144794-something-thats-been-eatin-my-lunch.html)

Signal30 02-27-2008 06:15 AM

Something that's been "eatin my lunch."
 
:c004:

Usually I'm the one who is always "Mr. spiritual", however I must mention something that has been bothering me lately. (My ego must be checked at the door.) Be prepared for some negative reading. (sorry in advance)

This real estate market is frustrating. Because so many people screwed themselves on adjustable (variable) mortgages, and refinancing their homes at rates that were about as stable as a card table with a cow on top of it, it is making it impossible for me to even fathom putting my house on the market.

I have a two bedroom cape cod home with my soon to be wife, myself, and my boy who is growing faster than those state fair giant pumpkins! I'm gonna go ahead and reveal numbers. I have a two bedroom house where I still owe 73K, and with this market how it is I would be lucky to get 60K for it. Even then it would take at least a year to get anyone interested. Buyers in areas close and nicer than mine can hand pick bigger 4 to 5 bedrooms, nicer houses in better school systems for half, sometimes less than half then what their "worth", because the foreclosure list keeps growing, giving better deals for the buyers out there. The community next to me has one of the worst foreclosure rate per house in THE UNITED STATES!!! This community (which is about 6 or so blocks away) 1 in 7 HOUSES ARE FORECLOSED!!! The local paper ran a story about it and stated that for every house in your area that forecloses, you use 1% property value. Are you frickin kiddin me???

I'm saving money like crazy, but with the money gap, there's no way I'm gonna be able to save that much in any time close to where I could be in the position to sell.

People give me the advice to make it a rental property. My parents bought houses and rented them out (that's what my house was, one of their rental houses.) Screw that. That's ALOT of work that I don't want nor have the time to do. I saw the work my folks did on rental property, ick! I want to rid myself of this house. It was the house I lived in, in my previous marriage, (not that it really matters), but I HATE THIS P.O.S. HOUSE!!!

Why can't Ohio have wildfires like California!?! Oh, I'm kidding.

I could go on and on and on, but I'll stop now. Sorry for this "glass half empty" thread. I just felt that I needed to release this rant.

I'm done.


Tom

best 02-27-2008 06:39 AM

70K

Try living in Boston. Rates have fallen to a point that the amount people will lose if they sell would be about 70K.
I could buy 4 houses in your area for what one costs in my area.
As I was looking over how things are, I am seeing myself staying right where I am for at least another 5 years.

What has caused most of the problems... The fed allowed lenders to give a mortgage for 90-120 % of the house value. People would take out a second and end up oweing more then the house was worth. A fixed rate and a lost job could equal a lost house just as easy as a variable rate that climbed beyond a persons means.

Realizing I will need stay here for a bit, I am fixing up the yard so I will better enjoy the stay.

best 02-27-2008 06:41 AM


Originally Posted by Signal30 (Post 1688372)

Why can't Ohio have wildfires like California!?! Oh, I'm kidding.

My son just sits and smiles each time I go down and play with the pellet stove *LOL*
He says one of these days I will forget to close the door or something else.

Signal30 02-27-2008 06:48 AM

Thanks best. I'm ok. I just need to get a unspiritual non-AA rant in. I've got time at work tonight. I'm going to fourth step this.

I put too much pressure on myself. I see my boy getting older and I want him to live in a neighborhood like I used to live in full of kids playing and the happy and safe suburban thing. I have a house on one side that can't keep their pit bull contained, and my street can be a drag strip sometimes.

I know what I need to do.


Tom

Tazman53 02-27-2008 07:01 AM

Tom just roll with the flow, turn it over man, if you are on patrol tonight and get some slack time find a nice quiet place and just say a prayer asking for the ability to be led. The just meditate on this.

Have faith in your HP, let him lead you where he may. Who knows he may lead you to accepting that the housing market stinks right now and you may be better off taking the extra money you were going to put into another house in to doing a major remodeling of where you are at now. He may tell you to be at peace just renting it out now, maybe with an option to buy, the answer is there, it will come in his time not yours.

Bad Martin!!!! Talking all that spiritual stuff at such a non-spiritual time!!! LOL

May be time to read step 12 where it says something about practicing all these principals in all our affairs.

1cor13 02-27-2008 07:04 AM

Sorry to hear about your real estate crunch. Well the family is healthy, growing like a state fair pumpkin is a good thing. Your getting married and you dont have wild fires, or does that go with the marriage? :Dance7:

Astro 02-27-2008 07:20 AM

Rant away, Tom. I've been considering moving into a larger home in the near future but have similar woes. In early sobriety I bought my home for over 200k. Comps in the area are selling well below that now. So my choice is to either wait it out or add onto my small house. I guess I'm in it for at least a short duration.

I must be powerless over the real estate market too, huh?

Sheryl85 02-27-2008 08:45 AM

I hate to be a bother and this may sound really corny (and since Martin already started this), but have you ever thought that this may be one of those situations where God is trying to tell you to “Wait?”

Okay, okay! You are going to think I’m crazy, but you see one of the “Top 10” items on my fear list was economic insecurity. It was the one that drove me before I came into the program and it was one that nearly broke me down at year 13. (I keep forgetting that my life is still unmanageable by me.) I got into trouble when I started thinking that I just had to do this or that to improve my economic situation. Sometimes the decisions I made got me into worse shape than before I did whatever it was that I did. Now I try to make sure that my HP is involved. I discovered that He gives me more than “Yes” or “No” as an answer. Sometimes He says “Wait.” I’m not very happy when that happens, let me tell you. But, it seems that “God saves the best for those who let Him make the decisions,” because if I had gotten my way and acted on impulse or what I perceived to be what was best for me, I would have sold myself short just about every time.

So, maybe the house isn’t in the school district that you want it to be. Maybe it’s not as large as you would find comfortable. But, ask yourself this…Do you have a roof over your head? Were you able to pay your bills today? Are you still sober in spite of not selling your house today? If you answered “Yes” to all the questions, then I’d say you had a pretty good day, don’t you think? (Kiddo, it's still just a "house" until you make it a home...)

When the time is right, your HP is going to give you the go ahead to make that decision. But it may not be today since it seems that His answer right now is “Wait.” Sucky, right? Just wanted to share that little gem with you.

REZ 02-27-2008 09:30 AM

"I have a two bedroom cape cod home with my soon to be wife, myself, and my boy who is growing faster than those state fair giant pumpkins.."

You also have your life, your recovery, and a lot more to be grateful for. Having an attitude of gratitude is the only way I can deal with situations like the one you have described. Hang in there--this too shall pass.

CAPTAINZING2000 02-27-2008 09:44 AM

Hate to throw a Cliché in here, you're right where you're supposed to be at this point in your life.

Say the serenity prayer for a while.

Can you change you current address at this point? If not, you have to accept it for what it is.

RufusACanal 02-27-2008 09:55 AM

Great Post Tom. The Wife and I built our first home 2 years ago and sometimes I gripe that the payment is higher than I like, but damn...I have a wonderful roof over my head. Never owned a house before this one, hell, I could harder make a rent payment for years. It would be frustrating if I wanted to sell though, I know.

If we are doing mini-rants, which I applaud wholeheartedly, one of the guys I work with has been trying to have figurative sexual relations with me the last couple of weeks concerning our roles with the company we work for. when I found out what he was doing, I mustered all of my forces and threw the banner of indignation. What didn't click in my mind was that maybe this guy was sick and needed help. I feel like mashed baby poop right now that I would allow myself to be so intensely self-righteous. What is even more sick is that at first, I truly didn't give a rat's *** about the coworker; I was concerned with me and how this deal might paint me so openly at my company as a ruthless, uncaring piece of something. No nuclear devices were used and so I can rest easily.

Tommyh 02-27-2008 10:55 AM

tks sheryl85

well put!That is really a gem!
When God is ready,the walls come down!

I remember I was sober 1 1/2 yrs when my dad died.My wife and I lived with him.Well,the lady we rented from properly threw us out one month after he died.
We had 2 kids and no where to go,and no money.

Mom and pop in law took us in.It was getting pretty bad living with them after the first month.I went to meetings griping etc
one little skinny drunk told me to keep doing what I was doing,and God would give us something better.
fine,but it was only words..but what else could we do.Then it happened..A nice place poped up..we got it.Lived there for 6 happy yrs and it turned out to be our first home,not just a house.Now we own our own place for the last 11 yrs.It was a process as I now see it.It wasn`t my time table,but that of the Higher Power.So,if I want or need something,I sometimes need to remember who the giver is and it`s not me.Just my point of view on my life.Several other things I heard was-
I was told to bloom where I was planted & It wasn`t what I got from this world that would bring happiness,but what I could contribute.


Tom,rather see you do a little ranting than a lot of drinking

sugErspun 02-27-2008 03:23 PM

Tom - Are you trying to rid yourself of the property, is it too small for the 3 of you?

I am just trying to understand if you are actually in danger of losing your home to foreclosure because of an upcoming rate reset on your adjustable rate loan or you are worried about the potential capital loss when selling for less than what you owe?

You would be amazed at what lengths companies are going to to avoid foreclosing on a property right now (deed in lieu, rate freeze) = also a lot of talk in Government banking circles right now about what to do about the crisis (salvation for home owners). Foreclosure is the most costly of any action the "bank" (most mortgages are actually pooled into CDO's or SIV's and owned by private equity or investment brokerages), they are not interest in owning property (foreclosure)

Myself - I don't know if I will ever own a home and remain in the area I love to live, even with the price drops recently in Southern Cal, the median home price anywhere within 30 miles of where I work is well over $600,000, I have to be content with paying rent for now....maybe forever.

Signal30 02-27-2008 04:55 PM

Well let me give some more info.

No, I'm not in any danger of losing my house. Years ago when I was married to my ex, she took care of the bills and ran us into unsurmontable debt. I was at fault for being lazy, and not caring enough to step in and take over the bills. We got predatory loan, where they over appraised the house then added 20k revolving credit loan.

Just after the divorce I was blessed with having a stepfather who happened to be an attorney. The loan company violated there own policy plus broke the law by going over the regulated interest rate. We threatened to file suit, and they lowered my balance and mortgage payment. At one time I owed about 128k and my house payments were $1100.00 a month. They lowered the balance to 80K and now my payments are only $480.00 a month.

Yeah I know, I'm lucky and here I am whining! I am partaking in the shortcomings of impatience and selfishness. I'm acting like a child that wants everything NOW, NOW, NOW!!!

I have no financial problems and am no where near being in the red. I get jealous of others that have nicer houses than I do. I get resentful on people that get bad loans and help create the problem with the housing market, even though I was one of those people 4 years ago. Wow, I'm a hypocritical A-Hole!

I got the tools and the fellowship, I need to use them on this.


Tom

lostmdboy 02-27-2008 05:02 PM

Tom I feel your pain. The one thought that gets me through is the fact that things are exactly the way they are supposed to be. There is a plan, and I am not in control of it.

Sheryl85 02-27-2008 05:26 PM

I'm glad you are going to be okay, Tom. And I hope you don't mind that I was preaching to the choir, as they say. Venting...I do the same thing. There are just some things in my life that aggravate me to the point of where I'd just like to hold a Christmas Elf upside down in a bowl of eggnog until his feet stop kicking*... but all I can do instead is vent. So, vent away, my friend. I feel your pain!

*No Christmas Elves have ever been hurt by me during these intervals.

Tommyh 02-27-2008 07:21 PM

*No Christmas Elves have ever been hurt by me during these intervals."

tks for the disclaimer sheryl....lmao...

Signal30 02-27-2008 07:29 PM

To acheive goals a price has to be paid. If I want to upgrade to a bigger house to a nicer area sooner, I will have to keep my house and turn it into a rental property. I could charge around $800.00 rent and put it to the house payment and make a profit.

The "price" to me is having to deal with all the headaches with rental properties. I watched and helped my parents when they did it, and saw eviction processes, and the clean-up from tenants that were, uh, spirtually sick.

Right now my fincee and I are planning for our wedding. After that, I will console with my parents and weigh the pros and cons of turning our hose into rental property.

I'll console with my boss (God).


Tom

Signal30 02-27-2008 09:22 PM

On a much lighter note!!!

The guy I sponsor just called me and advised me that I am now a grandsponsor!!! He has his first sponsee (he's ready). I needed this today. I prayed, and apologized to God for my selfish immature belly aching, and now I was given the gift of this wonderful news. He's going to be a good sponsor. He works the program, listens, and follows directions. I thank God for this blessing, and helping me put my mind back into the right state.


Tom

Sheryl85 02-27-2008 09:30 PM

Congrats on the "grand" news.

Hey, give yourself a break. That's why you have friends...to bounce things off of, of course!:bounce


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