I think I'm ready for step 4
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: DFW Texas
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I think I'm ready for step 4
I've been contemplating steps 1,2,&3 for some time and have finally decided to commit to them. I was reading over step 4 last night, and I'm excited to take this step and get at the roots of my problems. I know that my severe depression and alcoholism feed off one another, and I would like to end that all and for once in my life get as balanced as possible emotionally. I want to do as thorough of a job with this as possible so that I can accomplish this goal. I know I probably have more issues than are evident to me. I could relate to some of the questions posed in the book, but some not at all. Can anyone provide me with some good questions to ask myself as I attempt to tackle step 4 and make a searching and fearless inventory of myself? Thanks in advance.
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Location: DFW Texas
Posts: 68
Originally Posted by Zoobear 
I think you are getting a little ahead of yourself. Start with a meeting, get a sponser, work the steps.
What is your fear of going to a meeting?
:wtf2
What is your fear of going to a meeting?
:wtf2
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Newton Iowa
Posts: 157
Glad to hear your going to give Thursday a try! We are all scared about walking through that door for the first time.
A couple things that helped me was I was told to show up early, it is easier to walk in if there is just 1 or 2 people there. Tell them right off that this is your 1st meeting and you are scared, they have been there. I suffered from G.A.D. and panic attacks at that time and I was comforted by the fact that if at any time I felt uncomfortable I could slip out with no problems.
You will make a friend or two at that 1st meeting so the 2nd meeting is easy. You have friends there!:bounce
A couple things that helped me was I was told to show up early, it is easier to walk in if there is just 1 or 2 people there. Tell them right off that this is your 1st meeting and you are scared, they have been there. I suffered from G.A.D. and panic attacks at that time and I was comforted by the fact that if at any time I felt uncomfortable I could slip out with no problems.
You will make a friend or two at that 1st meeting so the 2nd meeting is easy. You have friends there!:bounce
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Newton Iowa
Posts: 157
I forgot to tell ya, you are right where you should be at this time. You are supposed to be scared and wanting to get going on the steps.
Relax and take things a step at a time. You are in for the greatest ride of your life! I know you can make it!
Relax and take things a step at a time. You are in for the greatest ride of your life! I know you can make it!
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,902
I was told to put no obstacle between a willing alcoholic and step 12...I used the big book and did it that way ,I did the best I could....followed directions sentence by sentence with the book basically
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,002
AA is a program you cannot try. You must do. Before you can even fathom the fourth step, you must do the first three. And by doing I mean you must agree and fully understand what the first three are.
The first step you will know you are an alcoholic. No more second guessing yourself. Moderation attempts have failed, self control and self reliance will have failed.
The second step you MUST believe that a power grater than yourself WILL restore you to sanity. Again you cannot second guess on whether there is a God or not. You must believe, you must know that a God OF YOUR UNDERSTANDING exists.
If you believe that your higher power exists and that the God of your understanding will solve all of your problems that used hurt you, (and hurt is actually a mild term to put it), then you must know that the God of your understanding will take all of these negative feelings, and when I mean negative feelings I mean shortcomings, character defects, resentments, (include anger, frustration, and annoyances in this category), and fears, etc, you MUST give them all to God. You must know that self will and self reliance will not work. You must trust God and give God all of these feelings that made you drink, made you depressed, and made your self-esteem in shambles. You have to give them ALL to God.
If you believe the first three steps 100%, then and only then are you truly ready to do a COMPLETE personal moral inventory on yourself.
Sorry if I sound harsh, I'm not intending to. If you do all of the steps with complete understanding, and complete belief. Then you will reach a level of serenity and happiness that can not be put into words. You will be able to handle life on life's terms. And while doing these steps, like we say in the promises, you will be amazed before you are halfway through.
Meetings and a sponsor you have to have and do before even considering these steps. If you are only trying to do all of this by yourself, then obviously you are still thinking self reliance will work.
Redstuff again I apologize again if I sound harsh, I just know from experience what happens when you try to do the steps your way, and only your way.
Tom
The first step you will know you are an alcoholic. No more second guessing yourself. Moderation attempts have failed, self control and self reliance will have failed.
The second step you MUST believe that a power grater than yourself WILL restore you to sanity. Again you cannot second guess on whether there is a God or not. You must believe, you must know that a God OF YOUR UNDERSTANDING exists.
If you believe that your higher power exists and that the God of your understanding will solve all of your problems that used hurt you, (and hurt is actually a mild term to put it), then you must know that the God of your understanding will take all of these negative feelings, and when I mean negative feelings I mean shortcomings, character defects, resentments, (include anger, frustration, and annoyances in this category), and fears, etc, you MUST give them all to God. You must know that self will and self reliance will not work. You must trust God and give God all of these feelings that made you drink, made you depressed, and made your self-esteem in shambles. You have to give them ALL to God.
If you believe the first three steps 100%, then and only then are you truly ready to do a COMPLETE personal moral inventory on yourself.
Sorry if I sound harsh, I'm not intending to. If you do all of the steps with complete understanding, and complete belief. Then you will reach a level of serenity and happiness that can not be put into words. You will be able to handle life on life's terms. And while doing these steps, like we say in the promises, you will be amazed before you are halfway through.
Meetings and a sponsor you have to have and do before even considering these steps. If you are only trying to do all of this by yourself, then obviously you are still thinking self reliance will work.
Redstuff again I apologize again if I sound harsh, I just know from experience what happens when you try to do the steps your way, and only your way.
Tom
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: NY
Posts: 179
Originally Posted by Signal30
AA is a program you cannot try. You must do. Before you can even fathom the fourth step, you must do the first three. And by doing I mean you must agree and fully understand what the first three are.
The first step you will know you are an alcoholic. No more second guessing yourself. Moderation attempts have failed, self control and self reliance will have failed.
The second step you MUST believe that a power grater than yourself WILL restore you to sanity. Again you cannot second guess on whether there is a God or not. You must believe, you must know that a God OF YOUR UNDERSTANDING exists.
If you believe that your higher power exists and that the God of your understanding will solve all of your problems that used hurt you, (and hurt is actually a mild term to put it), then you must know that the God of your understanding will take all of these negative feelings, and when I mean negative feelings I mean shortcomings, character defects, resentments, (include anger, frustration, and annoyances in this category), and fears, etc, you MUST give them all to God. You must know that self will and self reliance will not work. You must trust God and give God all of these feelings that made you drink, made you depressed, and made your self-esteem in shambles. You have to give them ALL to God.
If you believe the first three steps 100%, then and only then are you truly ready to do a COMPLETE personal moral inventory on yourself.
Sorry if I sound harsh, I'm not intending to. If you do all of the steps with complete understanding, and complete belief. Then you will reach a level of serenity and happiness that can not be put into words. You will be able to handle life on life's terms. And while doing these steps, like we say in the promises, you will be amazed before you are halfway through.
Meetings and a sponsor you have to have and do before even considering these steps. If you are only trying to do all of this by yourself, then obviously you are still thinking self reliance will work.
Redstuff again I apologize again if I sound harsh, I just know from experience what happens when you try to do the steps your way, and only your way.
Tom
The first step you will know you are an alcoholic. No more second guessing yourself. Moderation attempts have failed, self control and self reliance will have failed.
The second step you MUST believe that a power grater than yourself WILL restore you to sanity. Again you cannot second guess on whether there is a God or not. You must believe, you must know that a God OF YOUR UNDERSTANDING exists.
If you believe that your higher power exists and that the God of your understanding will solve all of your problems that used hurt you, (and hurt is actually a mild term to put it), then you must know that the God of your understanding will take all of these negative feelings, and when I mean negative feelings I mean shortcomings, character defects, resentments, (include anger, frustration, and annoyances in this category), and fears, etc, you MUST give them all to God. You must know that self will and self reliance will not work. You must trust God and give God all of these feelings that made you drink, made you depressed, and made your self-esteem in shambles. You have to give them ALL to God.
If you believe the first three steps 100%, then and only then are you truly ready to do a COMPLETE personal moral inventory on yourself.
Sorry if I sound harsh, I'm not intending to. If you do all of the steps with complete understanding, and complete belief. Then you will reach a level of serenity and happiness that can not be put into words. You will be able to handle life on life's terms. And while doing these steps, like we say in the promises, you will be amazed before you are halfway through.
Meetings and a sponsor you have to have and do before even considering these steps. If you are only trying to do all of this by yourself, then obviously you are still thinking self reliance will work.
Redstuff again I apologize again if I sound harsh, I just know from experience what happens when you try to do the steps your way, and only your way.
Tom
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,002
When it comes to step 3 and all the other steps, my sponsor reminds me to keep it simple. To me step 3 simply means to let go all the garbage that for some reason, us alcoholics feel we have to hold on to, and give them all to God. So by giving God all our crap we can move in a positive direction of serenity, peace, acceptance, and a motivation to help others. The motivation to help others is essential to a healthy recovery. Heck, it's the foundation of AA. By knowing what the Third Step prayer means, for example, we remove these defects of character, so we can better serve God and others. You learn to live (crap free) and experience what it feels to get so much by learning to give back what you learned.
Step by step and chapter by chapter in the BB as well as a relationship with your sponsor, and going to meetings, we become what others could of never believed we could be. Better mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, etc.
By maintaining AA and the steady course of action, (a required balance with anything else in your life). I have seen high school dropouts earn college degrees. I have seen the family destroyer become the one the family goes to for love, help, and stability. The amount of success I have seen fellow members achieve is completely amazing. But again I must say that it can only be achieved and maintained if you keep God and AA in your life. By balance I mean your physical and emotional sobriety must come first, and the benefits from working the program of action follow behind making a balance.
The living proof walks the earth.
Tom
Step by step and chapter by chapter in the BB as well as a relationship with your sponsor, and going to meetings, we become what others could of never believed we could be. Better mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, etc.
By maintaining AA and the steady course of action, (a required balance with anything else in your life). I have seen high school dropouts earn college degrees. I have seen the family destroyer become the one the family goes to for love, help, and stability. The amount of success I have seen fellow members achieve is completely amazing. But again I must say that it can only be achieved and maintained if you keep God and AA in your life. By balance I mean your physical and emotional sobriety must come first, and the benefits from working the program of action follow behind making a balance.
The living proof walks the earth.
Tom
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,697
In my experience, and to make it as short as possible.
I simply read the book with a recovered alcoholic. I needed to read the book outloud with him (sometimes I read, sometimes he read), because in the beginning, I am unable to process the information it transmits correctly. Kind of like a teacher with a math course: a math book is great, but a math book with a mathmetician is really really great. Especially if my life depends on it.
Step One - I am screwed, nothing that 'I' can do to fix this problem.
Step Two - I am WILLING to believe that God can fix me. - I am asked to throw out my conceptions of God to be ready for him to reveal himself for me.
Step Three - Am I gonna do this thing???? If I am- I say it out loud with another person in prayer.
Step four starts right after step three..there is no pause there. That is why you are asked to consider step three well before taking it.
Red, where abouts do you live?
Even it's impossible to find a meeting or alcoholic near you, there are many workshops available on CD and probably DVD - I think if you can grab someone near you through this site and communicate via phone or something...you could get your book, sit down with these CD's and read along and listen. Call the person who's number you have and if they listen to the same workshop - call and talk about it, the steps, where you are at etc.
I may be getting a little outside the point here but : Nothing is impossible. There is no reason that you cannot recover from this thing. Your location on this planet has never proved a permanent roadblock to it. The book made a promise and it comes true, if you work for it, and it really doesn't ask all that much.
I know a guy who has sponsored people in remote areas of asia, via internet, and they have recovered and are starting up AA in their area now. He lives here in California.
I simply read the book with a recovered alcoholic. I needed to read the book outloud with him (sometimes I read, sometimes he read), because in the beginning, I am unable to process the information it transmits correctly. Kind of like a teacher with a math course: a math book is great, but a math book with a mathmetician is really really great. Especially if my life depends on it.
Step One - I am screwed, nothing that 'I' can do to fix this problem.
Step Two - I am WILLING to believe that God can fix me. - I am asked to throw out my conceptions of God to be ready for him to reveal himself for me.
Step Three - Am I gonna do this thing???? If I am- I say it out loud with another person in prayer.
Step four starts right after step three..there is no pause there. That is why you are asked to consider step three well before taking it.
Red, where abouts do you live?
Even it's impossible to find a meeting or alcoholic near you, there are many workshops available on CD and probably DVD - I think if you can grab someone near you through this site and communicate via phone or something...you could get your book, sit down with these CD's and read along and listen. Call the person who's number you have and if they listen to the same workshop - call and talk about it, the steps, where you are at etc.
I may be getting a little outside the point here but : Nothing is impossible. There is no reason that you cannot recover from this thing. Your location on this planet has never proved a permanent roadblock to it. The book made a promise and it comes true, if you work for it, and it really doesn't ask all that much.
I know a guy who has sponsored people in remote areas of asia, via internet, and they have recovered and are starting up AA in their area now. He lives here in California.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: DFW Texas
Posts: 68
Originally Posted by Signal30
AA is a program you cannot try. You must do. Before you can even fathom the fourth step, you must do the first three. And by doing I mean you must agree and fully understand what the first three are.
The first step you will know you are an alcoholic. No more second guessing yourself. Moderation attempts have failed, self control and self reliance will have failed.
The second step you MUST believe that a power grater than yourself WILL restore you to sanity. Again you cannot second guess on whether there is a God or not. You must believe, you must know that a God OF YOUR UNDERSTANDING exists.
If you believe that your higher power exists and that the God of your understanding will solve all of your problems that used hurt you, (and hurt is actually a mild term to put it), then you must know that the God of your understanding will take all of these negative feelings, and when I mean negative feelings I mean shortcomings, character defects, resentments, (include anger, frustration, and annoyances in this category), and fears, etc, you MUST give them all to God. You must know that self will and self reliance will not work. You must trust God and give God all of these feelings that made you drink, made you depressed, and made your self-esteem in shambles. You have to give them ALL to God.
If you believe the first three steps 100%, then and only then are you truly ready to do a COMPLETE personal moral inventory on yourself.
Sorry if I sound harsh, I'm not intending to. If you do all of the steps with complete understanding, and complete belief. Then you will reach a level of serenity and happiness that can not be put into words. You will be able to handle life on life's terms. And while doing these steps, like we say in the promises, you will be amazed before you are halfway through.
Meetings and a sponsor you have to have and do before even considering these steps. If you are only trying to do all of this by yourself, then obviously you are still thinking self reliance will work.
Redstuff again I apologize again if I sound harsh, I just know from experience what happens when you try to do the steps your way, and only your way.
Tom
The first step you will know you are an alcoholic. No more second guessing yourself. Moderation attempts have failed, self control and self reliance will have failed.
The second step you MUST believe that a power grater than yourself WILL restore you to sanity. Again you cannot second guess on whether there is a God or not. You must believe, you must know that a God OF YOUR UNDERSTANDING exists.
If you believe that your higher power exists and that the God of your understanding will solve all of your problems that used hurt you, (and hurt is actually a mild term to put it), then you must know that the God of your understanding will take all of these negative feelings, and when I mean negative feelings I mean shortcomings, character defects, resentments, (include anger, frustration, and annoyances in this category), and fears, etc, you MUST give them all to God. You must know that self will and self reliance will not work. You must trust God and give God all of these feelings that made you drink, made you depressed, and made your self-esteem in shambles. You have to give them ALL to God.
If you believe the first three steps 100%, then and only then are you truly ready to do a COMPLETE personal moral inventory on yourself.
Sorry if I sound harsh, I'm not intending to. If you do all of the steps with complete understanding, and complete belief. Then you will reach a level of serenity and happiness that can not be put into words. You will be able to handle life on life's terms. And while doing these steps, like we say in the promises, you will be amazed before you are halfway through.
Meetings and a sponsor you have to have and do before even considering these steps. If you are only trying to do all of this by yourself, then obviously you are still thinking self reliance will work.
Redstuff again I apologize again if I sound harsh, I just know from experience what happens when you try to do the steps your way, and only your way.
Tom
Not harsh at all. I understand. I have been working on steps 1-3 since July and have had a hard time with them. Two nights ago, I felt what you are talking about stronger than ever. I think with each time I have given it a shot, it has gotten stronger. Maybe 25% willing the 1st time, 37% the second time..........so forth and so on.......to 100% willing this last time if not 110 or more. I feel different this time than anytime I've done this before. Almost as if a burden has been lifted. I'm happier, I don't have the agitation that I've had the times before that I seem to take out on everyone else, the bitterness, the hatred in my heart, the inability to accept the things that I cannot change and the frustration and depression that comes with trying to change these things.....I could go on and on...The difference this time is We (God, this forum, the books, me) are doing it instead if me.
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: DFW Texas
Posts: 68
Originally Posted by Signal30
When it comes to step 3 and all the other steps, my sponsor reminds me to keep it simple. To me step 3 simply means to let go all the garbage that for some reason, us alcoholics feel we have to hold on to, and give them all to God. So by giving God all our crap we can move in a positive direction of serenity, peace, acceptance, and a motivation to help others. The motivation to help others is essential to a healthy recovery. Heck, it's the foundation of AA. By knowing what the Third Step prayer means, for example, we remove these defects of character, so we can better serve God and others. You learn to live (crap free) and experience what it feels to get so much by learning to give back what you learned.
Step by step and chapter by chapter in the BB as well as a relationship with your sponsor, and going to meetings, we become what others could of never believed we could be. Better mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, etc.
By maintaining AA and the steady course of action, (a required balance with anything else in your life). I have seen high school dropouts earn college degrees. I have seen the family destroyer become the one the family goes to for love, help, and stability. The amount of success I have seen fellow members achieve is completely amazing. But again I must say that it can only be achieved and maintained if you keep God and AA in your life. By balance I mean your physical and emotional sobriety must come first, and the benefits from working the program of action follow behind making a balance.
The living proof walks the earth.
Tom
Step by step and chapter by chapter in the BB as well as a relationship with your sponsor, and going to meetings, we become what others could of never believed we could be. Better mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, etc.
By maintaining AA and the steady course of action, (a required balance with anything else in your life). I have seen high school dropouts earn college degrees. I have seen the family destroyer become the one the family goes to for love, help, and stability. The amount of success I have seen fellow members achieve is completely amazing. But again I must say that it can only be achieved and maintained if you keep God and AA in your life. By balance I mean your physical and emotional sobriety must come first, and the benefits from working the program of action follow behind making a balance.
The living proof walks the earth.
Tom
I can say that the first 29 years of my life would have been a h*** of a lot easier if I had realized what I realized the other night a lot sooner. I am however thankful that I realize it now. It's amazing what a load has been removed by me no longer trying to control everything. Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference are now the values I intend to keep in mind as I go through the rest of my life. This is in great contrast to what I had before which consisted just courage, although weak, to change the things I think I can and extreme emotions when things don't go the way I want them to so I continue to try---->more extreme frustration, depression etc. If God and I are on the same page it makes all the difference in the way I feel. May His will and mine be as close to the same as is possible!
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,002
Aa vark, there was a time I was afraid to give God all my negative emotions. I once thought that God would punish me for giving him all my bad qualities. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that even though I have always believed in God, I didn't always believe that God would take all of my defects of character. That had to change. Since I daily give God all my character defects, and direct my actions to helping others, I no longer feel a prisoner to myself. But it has to be daily. But my only concern is today.
Tom
Tom
Follow Directions!
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Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
My sponsor told me to hand God my drinking problem, I did and I will not take it back from him today, he handles it so much better then I do, you see he is a power greater then me and greater then alcohol.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: DFW Texas
Posts: 68
I've taken my life for granted for so long. These past few days of sobriety have been such a welcome blessing. I hope it never ends. I never dreamed I would be alcoholic, but if that's what it took for me to actually enjoy life, I am thankful for this experience. I know I am not out of the woods yet, but if and when I do get out, or at least get a good hold on the path that will lead me out of the woods, I don't ever want to go back in.
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