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Don't drink, Go to meetings, get a home group, and get a sponsor

Old 12-31-2007, 05:12 AM
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Don't drink, Go to meetings, get a home group, and get a sponsor

I have this thing bugging me. Everytime I hear the spoken words it is like fingernails on a blackboard. I am posting to get it off my chest but also as a reality check.

The words:

Don't drink, Go to meetings, get a home group, and get a sponsor.


in other words (mine)... a prescription for white knuckle sobriety...


How about (instead) get honest, find God, clean house, keep it clean, Grow your relationship with God.

So what do meetings, a sponsor, a home group... have to do with that?

Meetings are a lazy way to make sure you get a good well rounded diet of concepts to ponder. Like a spiritual booster shot... Also it is an easy way to work with other Alcoholics.

Sponsor... helps you get honest, stay honest... perhaps helps you find God... supports you while you clean house... make sure you don't throw out the baby with the bathwater... etc...

Home group? ...

Alright... my point is that it isn't the point. It is like telling a man with insomnia to go to the store (to presumably buy a pillow)... instead of saying get some sleep.


It is really no skin off my back if folks want to say such things. I just cringe because I worry the new guy gets the wrong idea. Or perhaps it is the right idea and I am just off center.
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Old 12-31-2007, 05:39 AM
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I can't really follow your logic in any of this. Do you attend AA or not?
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Old 12-31-2007, 06:08 AM
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I left my first rehab at 18 years old armed with the facts. I asked my counselor what I needed to do and she was very specific. She said get a sponsor and join a group. Now like I said I was armed with the facts. I asked what a sponsor was and what his purpose was. She told me he would take me through the steps of recovery. I asked what the steps of recovery were. She said they were a spiritual tool kit and working them in my everyday life was like putting an engine in your broken down car. (She knew my car was in the back of my house with no engine). She was tricky

I understood but what about the home group? Getting to know people and getting active in a home group will help give get you contacts and get you talking. The more sober people in my life the better, well in some cases.

This all made very much sense to me so I tossed my pillow case of cloths over my shoulder and headed for the door. On my way out someone I was hanging around with gave me a great big hug and said don’t drink and go to mtgs. Well my counselor didn’t say that? Don’t drink and go to mtgs sounded a whole lot easier than get a sponsor and join a group?

So that’s what I did I went to AA and I didn’t drink. Needless to say I stayed drunk for the next 12 years. Once I got a sponsor put the steps of recovery in my life and got a home group I stayed sober.
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Old 12-31-2007, 06:27 AM
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early days for me, but I would say the home group is for the sunlight of friendship and the joy of seeing fine joy-seeing people again, still alive, even though they have the same deadly serious problem
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Old 12-31-2007, 06:52 AM
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My issue was purely semantic... nor was I questioning the merrit of any of those tasks (go to meetings, get a sponsor...etc... ) nor their purpose.

Sorry... my logic is... going to meetings, getting a sponsor, getting a home group... isn't what gets keeps you sober. It isn't what helps you find serenity.

All those things are good! All those things can help with the process mentioned in the AA promises. Going to meetings, getting a sponsor, getting a home group... alone are like faith without works. It isn't enough to buy the fancy biker shorts and $5000 dollar bike if you want to participate in the Tour de France... um some training might be required.

ok I have gotten this out of my system. I can now hear that string of words without cringing. I think I have it in perspective. Perhaps the "bring the body and the mind will follow" principle is in affect here.
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Old 12-31-2007, 07:13 AM
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If you want to stay sober you will. There's no magic formula.
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Old 12-31-2007, 07:19 AM
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Originally Posted by mike_mass View Post
If you want to stay sober you will. There's no magic formula.

I'm not going to slip on that willpower banana peel. :-)
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Old 12-31-2007, 07:23 AM
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I attend a lot of meetings....
soooo..
I too grit my teeth often!

Happy New Sober Year De!!
8
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Old 12-31-2007, 08:03 AM
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You're right, Debaucher, in that those things alone, without any other action, will not keep a person sober. I can go to meetings and sit in the back, not sharing and not really listening. I can make it miserably through one day without a drink. I can get a home group and not show up for group conscience meetings, refuse to do any service in my home group. Lots of people have sponsors in name only.

BUT....

All those things guide newcomers to the place where they might, if they've really had enough, be willing to go to any lengths to stay sober -- meaning working those pesky steps. We suggest those things in the opening of our meetings, with the addition of "Work/take the steps." We don't preach in my home group. We share on those steps from our own personal E, S & H. We don't make glittering generalizations that are hard for the newcomer to swallow. We try to make recovery from alcoholism more appealing than the wallowing hell they've come from. And in encouraging them to keep coming back to meetings, in offering them sponsorship (we maintain a list of home group members ready to sponsor others), in welcoming them into our home group, and in emphasizing the "don't-drink-one-day-at-a-time," I've seen a lot of people come, stay, take the steps and, with the grace of their HP & some elbow grease on their part, change their lives.

We're dealing with sick folks, and Dr. Bob, on his death bed, suggested keeping things simple. That's what we try to do. If a newcomer is willing, if a sponsor is vigilant in carrying the message rather than her or his message, recovery will follow.

Peace & Love,
Sugah
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Old 12-31-2007, 09:19 AM
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I agree that meetings, sponsors, etc. are not enough.
You need to work the steps too.
For me, I need all the tools: meetings, sponsor, home group, stepwork, service, prayer and meditation.
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Old 12-31-2007, 09:58 AM
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I changed groups after I went out again earlier this year (tomorrow I get the pleasure of saying "after I went out again last year")

anyhow - I used to hear the don't drink, go to meetings etc etc etc.

They always said 'get a sponsor' - and never really said how to go about it. I had sponsors from those first groups I went to (7 years) and they always had photo copied worksheets for each step, dragged me to meetings..I know their intentions were the best. But for the most part, if you approached someone at those groups (I am thinking of a specific Alano club), they would say they have their limit, don't have time, etc etc - without even pointing you to someone who was available to sponsor.

The group I now attend 'feels' like a home group, I refer to it as such. Never once has anyone said "just don't drink no matter what" - they know the alcoholic a little better than that. When newcomers show up to the open meeting, they will be called on to at least share their name and why they are there. It is almost gauranteed that after the meeting people will approach the newcomer, ask a little more about them and then set up a time to sit down and talk about their drinking, experience with alcohol, one on one. If they be alcoholic, chances are they will start reading the book together, therefor working the steps. It is truly a gift to have this group to go to (it's a bit of a drive, but the trade-off is worth it)

Going to meetings is really good advice.
Getting a sponsor is good advice(make sure they aren't taking sponsee's just to fit a requirment of the program and that they really know what they are talking about)
Not drinking, well - if I could stay sober by deciding not to drink, I wouldn't be here.
Get a home group? - That is really more like - build fellowship of people you are accountable to. Home group has really lost it's meaning in a lot of sense.
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Old 12-31-2007, 10:02 AM
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I always heard: Don't drink, got to meetings, get a sponsor and WORK THE STEPS!!! To me, these are the four basic musts. Anyone I've ever seen drink again has stopped doing these four things in reverse. When I'm left with nothing but DON'T DRINK, it's just a matter of time.
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Old 12-31-2007, 10:06 AM
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As an ad-lib part of chairing, we have begun adding, "If you don't know what a sponsor is, we'll be glad to tell you and explain how to get one," and we always offer phone numbers to the newcomer.

Too often, I hear a lot of things left for the newcomer to puzzle out. I'm guilty of sharing on a step without pointing out how it eliminates my need to drink. A newcomer is there to stop drinking. Sharing without making reference to the drink problem, I think, leaves the newcomer wondering how, exactly, that experience applies to them.

Peace & Love,
Sugah
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Old 12-31-2007, 10:08 AM
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These three things are essentials.

But, anyone one of them in and of itself will not keep me sober.

All three together lead to what will keep me sober-God.
Jim
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Old 12-31-2007, 10:12 AM
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Sponsorship within the group

Originally Posted by Sugah View Post
As an ad-lib part of chairing, we have begun adding, "If you don't know what a sponsor is, we'll be glad to tell you and explain how to get one," and we always offer phone numbers to the newcomer.

Too often, I hear a lot of things left for the newcomer to puzzle out. I'm guilty of sharing on a step without pointing out how it eliminates my need to drink. A newcomer is there to stop drinking. Sharing without making reference to the drink problem, I think, leaves the newcomer wondering how, exactly, that experience applies to them.

Peace & Love,
Sugah
In my home group, we do it maybe a little different.

At the end of the meeting, the secretary asks if there is any one who would like a sponsor from our group and if there is would they please raise their hand. If some one does, the secretary tells them that a group member will approach after the closing prayer.

The result is a strong group. Not everyone joins the group, but those who do are sponsored into the group, much like the early Cleveland days.

The only real difference is that we don't make them go upstairs and surrender before they can join the group. LOL!
Jim
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Old 12-31-2007, 10:30 AM
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BB pg 192

"I came into AA solely for the purpose of sobriety, but it has been through AA that I have found God."

I feel that is about the most wonderful thing that a person can do.
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Old 12-31-2007, 11:51 AM
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Everything But AA

Good post Debaucher,
The contemporary mantra of don't drink, go to meetings and ask for help goes counter to everything I have experienced, I can't reconcile that statement anywhere in my Big Book.

AA does one thing, offer the hopeless drunk a solution. To recover from alcoholism a psychic change needs to occur just not drinking, going to meetings, and asking for help will not produce this. A price has to be paid.
As Jim pointed out, everything points or at least should direct our attention to that which can and will solve our problem, A God of our understanding. In AA the steps are the only way, it is the only program of recovery we have to offer. I am sure there are other ways, I only know this path, as it has saved my life, some folks believe they have a right to "share" anything they feel like dumping at a meeting. In this drunk's opinion, this is selfishness and self centered to the core and kills people who are dying to hear the solution.
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Old 05-15-2014, 11:52 AM
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Don't Drink and Go to Meetings

"Don't drink, Go to meetings, get a home group, and get a sponsor."

Are how we FIND Honesty. Its how we FIND God. It's how we clean house! How we keep it clean! HOW we grow our relationship with God!

We must first not drink as if we drink we lose everything.
We must go to meetings as there is where we learn fellowship and an end to our isolation; where we first hear about the principles of AA and sobriety; where we participate in the fellowship of sobriety and find and end to that isolation.
We get a home group as that is where we build out network of other AA's who will become our sources for help and growth and partnership.
We get a sponsor because a sponsor is the one who will take us step by step through the steps, help us find God, help us to clean house, help us to keep it clean and help us to keep growing in the likness of our creator.

ITs obvious that we do not JUST "go" to meetings to hang around or lay about. We must participate! We must be "present." If we use meetings to just "hang around other alcoholics" and kick back and barely listen or participate then have we even gone to a meeting or did we just pass through one? Hmmm.

Alcoholism is isolation. At meetings, home groups and in sponsorship we find the antidote to isolation. It's where we are able to finally form what the 4th step told us before now we had been totally unable to form: "a true partnership with another human being!"

It's also where we continue to find the experiences of other alcoholics and their progress in the process of sobriety and get to share ours. It's where we find newcomers looking for help and so find the best opportunities to do service (where true sobriety exists!).

"Don't drink and go to meetings, get a home group, get a sponsor" is the most profound of "slogans" we have in AA because in that one slogan lies the pathways to the sources of all we seek.

Bob H
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Old 05-15-2014, 12:14 PM
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Don't Drink and Go to Meetings

Originally Posted by REZ View Post
I agree that meetings, sponsors, etc. are not enough.
You need to work the steps too.
For me, I need all the tools: meetings, sponsor, home group, stepwork, service, prayer and meditation.
And by Not Drinking and Going to Meetings and Getting a Sponsor you will find the way to all those tools.

"Don't drink and go to meetings" means that if you wish to stay sober you must:

1: not drink (obviously!)
2: go to meetings (where you learn about AA principles and build and rebuild fellowships)
3: Get a sponsor (who helps you build the tool box you need!)

Of course its MORE than just "going to meetings," etc. It's what HAPPENS at those meetings. It's what you ACCESS at a regularly attended home group. It's what ASSISTANCE and GUIDANCE you get from a sponsor!

Going backwards up the list, if one:
Has a sponsor and is working with that sponsor (implied by "get a sponsor"), then CHANCES ARE BETTER THAN NOT THAT one will be working the steps and developing a relationship with a Higher Power and learning first-hand from a mentor how to make that transformation from active alcoholic to service-giving partner of the human race. Sponsors help with other important lessons such as:
Participating in meetings, (sharing experience, strength and hope about your journey along the path of sobriety, and listening to others do the same; being present in the moment during those shares and readings; coming out of isolation, and perhaps most importantly, being there for newcomers as they arrive with their hand out expecting you to take it! NOTHING, I promise you all this, NOTHING transforms me like service! Working with a struggling alcoholic is the doorway to salvation!

Of course then there is:
Building a network of AA's from your home-group! Even physics teaches us that any system closed to outside resources will eventually entropy. We must build and continually rebuild our network of AA's (who is in my contact list today is a bit different than who was in it several years ago. Some from the beginning are still there but no list in my life is as dynamic and ever changing as my contact list. For obvious reasons.) and its in our home groups (as well as other meetings) that I have found the best places to build it and continue to build it.

IT's all there in those three simple suggestions. You just need to see them for what they REPRESENT.

To reduce them to the words written or said, like the "forest lost for the trees," is to lose the MESSAGE for the WORDS!

Much love to you!

Bob H
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Old 05-15-2014, 06:18 PM
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Let's see...
Don't drink... If I could do that I wouldn't need AA. Many slip, but if they work the program honestly, eventually we have a personality change sufficient to overcome drinking. Take the steps to recover, not recover and take the steps.

Go to meetings. It's pretty well established for alcoholics of my type that meetings alone do not treat alcoholism.

Get a sponsor. An important part of the solution, a teacher to help adopt the AA way of life as described in the big book. But as we are beyond human aid a sponsor is not a determining factors they have no special powers to sober anyone up. This is born out by research indicating whether you are sponsored or not has no effect on you chances of recovery.

All of the above combined with one other factor I haven't seen mentioned above will work.
What's that? Be a sponsor. Carry this message to alcoholics. Research shows people that sponsor are way more likely to stay sober than those that dont. Faith without works is dead indeed.
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