Anti 12 Steps
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Anti 12 Steps
Plagiarized from another site, but too priceless to not post here. I strongly suggest that you DO NOT try this at home!
1. I declare my complete control over alcohol and everything else; and further declare that my life is in perfect order
2. I recognize no power as great as I am; nor any person as smart as I am, and if you don't like it come outside
3. I made a decision to run my life and everyone else's life to suit only me - and I pity those who get in my way.
4. I make a searching and through inventory of everyone other than myself - and find them woefully lacking in all respects; and I never hesitate to tell them so.
5. I admitted to no one, including, God and Myself, that there could possibly be anything wrong with me, or my actions.
6. I went to extreme efforts to protect and increase my defects of character-and did a little drinking besides.
7. I continued my obnoxious arrogant air of asking no one for anything-my Big Eye was for telling, not asking.
8. I kept a complete list of all persons who had harmed me, either real or imaginary, and swore to get even with them all.
9. I got even where possible, except when to do so might injure me.
10. I continued to bitch and whine about everything to everyone and, when I was right, promptly reminded them.
11. I sought through scheming and conniving to materially improve myself - at the expense of my fellow man. I ever hesitate, when the opportunity presents itself, to bring disaster and misery to anyone who happens to cross my path.
12. Having had a complete moral, physical, financial and spiritual breakdown, all of my remaining effort was directed toward dragging those near me - and dear to me - down to these same depths of despair; And I did a little drinking too.
1. I declare my complete control over alcohol and everything else; and further declare that my life is in perfect order
2. I recognize no power as great as I am; nor any person as smart as I am, and if you don't like it come outside
3. I made a decision to run my life and everyone else's life to suit only me - and I pity those who get in my way.
4. I make a searching and through inventory of everyone other than myself - and find them woefully lacking in all respects; and I never hesitate to tell them so.
5. I admitted to no one, including, God and Myself, that there could possibly be anything wrong with me, or my actions.
6. I went to extreme efforts to protect and increase my defects of character-and did a little drinking besides.
7. I continued my obnoxious arrogant air of asking no one for anything-my Big Eye was for telling, not asking.
8. I kept a complete list of all persons who had harmed me, either real or imaginary, and swore to get even with them all.
9. I got even where possible, except when to do so might injure me.
10. I continued to bitch and whine about everything to everyone and, when I was right, promptly reminded them.
11. I sought through scheming and conniving to materially improve myself - at the expense of my fellow man. I ever hesitate, when the opportunity presents itself, to bring disaster and misery to anyone who happens to cross my path.
12. Having had a complete moral, physical, financial and spiritual breakdown, all of my remaining effort was directed toward dragging those near me - and dear to me - down to these same depths of despair; And I did a little drinking too.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
This isnt as good but I thought I would post it.
The 12 Reverse Promises
If we are not painstaking and our priorities in recovery, we will fail
before we are halfway through.
We are going to know the old pains and the old hangovers.
We will regret the past and try to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word guilt and we will know remorse worse than
before.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone we will see how our experience
can take us down even further.
That feeling of usefulness and selflessness will disappear.
We will again have interest in selfish things and lose interest in our
fellows,
Self-seeking will slip back into our lives.
Our whole attitude upon life will again be very dark and empty.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will return more frighteningly
than ever.
We will again be baffled by situations we have begun to handle.
We will suddenly realize that God can't do anything for us because we
took our will back.
Are these depressing promises? We think so. They are being fulfilled
among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly; they will always materialize
if we put anything before our recovery, our activity in the fellowship, and
our relationship with God
The 12 Reverse Promises
If we are not painstaking and our priorities in recovery, we will fail
before we are halfway through.
We are going to know the old pains and the old hangovers.
We will regret the past and try to shut the door on it.
We will comprehend the word guilt and we will know remorse worse than
before.
No matter how far down the scale we have gone we will see how our experience
can take us down even further.
That feeling of usefulness and selflessness will disappear.
We will again have interest in selfish things and lose interest in our
fellows,
Self-seeking will slip back into our lives.
Our whole attitude upon life will again be very dark and empty.
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will return more frighteningly
than ever.
We will again be baffled by situations we have begun to handle.
We will suddenly realize that God can't do anything for us because we
took our will back.
Are these depressing promises? We think so. They are being fulfilled
among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly; they will always materialize
if we put anything before our recovery, our activity in the fellowship, and
our relationship with God
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 1,876
This was sent to me early in sobriety by someone who thought 90 in 90 was too much, she sent it with love as she knows I love to laugh.
Recover From Twelve-Step Groups
We have a new thirteen-step program to help you recover from the evil influences of too many twelve-step recovery group meetings:
1. Admit that you are powerless over twelve-step meetings -- that your life has become unmanageable. Scream and pass out.
2. Come to believe that only Santa Claus can restore you to sanity.
3. Make a decision to give all of your problems to Santa Claus, as we understand Him.
4. Turn your will and your mind over to the care of Santa Claus. They were worthless anyway. Also stick him with those pesky problems.
5. Make a searching and fearless inventory of your garage. You won't believe the junk you will find in there.
6. Confess to everyone that you can't sing, you can't dance, your butt is too fat, and you have bad breath.
7. Make yourself entirely ready to have Santa Claus fix those defects.
8. Write a letter to Santa Claus, humbly begging him to remove all of your shortcomings.
9. Make a list of all of the people you have pissed off.
10. Go **** them off again.
11. Continue to inventory your garage, and when you find that you are hoarding some really useless junk, promptly admit it.
12. Seek, through your cell phone, to maintain constant contact with Santa Claus, as we understand Him. If you can't get Him, call a psychic hotline. Do whatever the old witch says.
Recover From Twelve-Step Groups
We have a new thirteen-step program to help you recover from the evil influences of too many twelve-step recovery group meetings:
1. Admit that you are powerless over twelve-step meetings -- that your life has become unmanageable. Scream and pass out.
2. Come to believe that only Santa Claus can restore you to sanity.
3. Make a decision to give all of your problems to Santa Claus, as we understand Him.
4. Turn your will and your mind over to the care of Santa Claus. They were worthless anyway. Also stick him with those pesky problems.
5. Make a searching and fearless inventory of your garage. You won't believe the junk you will find in there.
6. Confess to everyone that you can't sing, you can't dance, your butt is too fat, and you have bad breath.
7. Make yourself entirely ready to have Santa Claus fix those defects.
8. Write a letter to Santa Claus, humbly begging him to remove all of your shortcomings.
9. Make a list of all of the people you have pissed off.
10. Go **** them off again.
11. Continue to inventory your garage, and when you find that you are hoarding some really useless junk, promptly admit it.
12. Seek, through your cell phone, to maintain constant contact with Santa Claus, as we understand Him. If you can't get Him, call a psychic hotline. Do whatever the old witch says.
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