Multiple conditions & disabilities in AA
 

I have several minor disabilities and chronic conditions and don't get professional support in self-managing them.
It might mean I can't get to AA often because other support situations and just plain rest, not to mention looking after myself, occupy the rest of my evenings and weekends.
Some people in the fellowship instead of trying to find a range of areas to relate to me in, try to concentrate on the frequency of my attendance and seem to do some head shaking.
My last sponsor when I happened to mention some other conditions in passing (I thought a sponsor is someone that is supposed to know you) immediately said I should stop making excuses. He didn't even trouble to say excuses for what.
I'm not a why person, I'm a how person. I'm not an excuse person, I'm a trivial reason person (see my contributions to Sharon's threads).
We all know why we all drank. It was to comfort our nerves.
I would welcome more diversity in AA meetings. Primary purpose was never intended to suppress parts of reality (you just give them a passing mention at meetings) and doesn't need to extend outside meetings anyway. I know people who insist on talking politics over the washing-up (opposite extreme)!
Lots of people come to AA about twice and not again. Some of them I am sure don't see sufficient attraction (see Tradition Six) or identification. Some members are in my opinion too sure why those aren't coming back.
I'm an AA believer and enthusiast and especially for the Traditions which are our beating heart.
Anyone got a take on this?

Welcome to our AA forum..:banana:

Thanks for sharing your thoughts
and I will pray you continue to move forward.

Blessings..

I have severe Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and was often told by AA members and even by a 12-Step oriented counselor that it was just part of my 'disease'.

You know how it works, Found. Some people are head-shakers, but you and I are powerless over what goes on inside their heads. If you don't mind me offering my opinion - you know in yourself if you make enough meetings to keep you well. If you do, they can shake all they want, they don't have to live with your head. If you don't make enough meetings, and you need a bit of help getting there and back, just tell people, and they'll find a way.

Yes, I have heard incorrect medical advice and or opinions in AA
and
in bars and at the Senior Citizens Center.

I have never considered taking it seriously..:thumbsdow

I now have 4 incurable diseases to deal with daily.
Alcoholism.. Arthritis..Ocular Histoplymosis..Diabetes

I too am limited in certain areas
but I still find joy in living!

Found,
I guess the phrase that came to mind while reading your post was..."to thine own self be true". Your honesty to yourself is most important. If your sponsor feels you are "making excuses" and you feel that you are legitimate...perhaps you need a different sponsor! There are so many people in recovery that have great sobriety...sometimes the person you pick just isn't the right person for you at this time. The important thing is to make sure that you are being true to yourself!!! My -ism loves tricking me into believing stuff that isn't true!!! There are things about myself I believed true for many years and after really looking at it, wasn't truth at all. Only YOU know for sure.

Doorknob,
I know many people in recovery tend to have problems with obsessive-compulsive disorder...I know I do. I've learned over the years to make it beneficial rather than a "handicap". Though I don't suffer from severe OCD thankfully.

Blessings all,
Jen

Hello Found!
Welcome to the AA forum on SR. Thanks for sharing, and bringing your thoughts and experiences to the table. Diversity in AA is good, and it's amazing that so many people from many walks of life can be brought together to work on ourselves.

I hope to *see* you around here often.
God Bless You,
chip

Doorknob and Jen, I don't know how severe OCD I could be thought to have/have had, but I know the book "Brain Lock" by Jeffrey Schwartz (pubd Regan Books, 1996) changed my life for the better.

Thanks all, for your views and helping me see I need to be more open about my need for lifts to/from meetings.

I'm still hung up on the fact that when I drove (which I don't any more) I didn't even think of offering lifts to meetings (during my previous AA phases)!

That particular sponsor was actually quite good in many ways (like the previous ones), we fizzled out some time ago and he moved, so soon will come the fun of looking for another one again - or maybe one of my old ones ...

A lot of times, it was to get my nerves going! I remember taking that first drink and feeling like Fred Flintstone sliding down the dinosaur's tail. Yabadabadoo!!!!

I, too, have multiple disabilities and conditions that often make a meeting at the end of a long and/or painful day feel like the last thing I want to do, but if it's one of my "regular" meeting nights, I go. For the first two years of my recovery, that would have been every single night. Now, it's two or three times a week, and if my semester wasn't so busy, it would be more.

When I first got sober, I was in a wheelchair and actively trying to learn pain management techniques that didn't involve chemicals. By day's end, I was often exhausted. Some things I had to do in order to make room for both my alcoholism recovery and my physical recovery were to take naps in the afternoon, limit the number of appointments or outtings during the day, and more effectively spread my activities throughout the day or week. I don't know what you're dealing with, as you haven't been specific, and you don't say whether or not you work. Though by no means should you feel obligated, if you were to share a little more specifically, perhaps some of us could offer some suggestions that might make your life a little easier and help you get to those meetings in the evenings (or afternoons, if your area has them).

AA is all about solutions. We all have problems, and we could talk about the negatives until the cows come home, but I think that your AA friends are trying to show you that all things get better in recovery. That's why we feel so strongly about putting recovery first.

Oh, btw, today, I live an extremely full life. On a good day (and they are many!), save for the cane I walk with, you'd not know I'm disabled. I truly believe that my physical condition is a direct result of working on my recovery from alcoholism.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

P.S. If you're truly exhausted and happen to slip into a doze at a meeting, you would not be the first, nor would you be the last, and I promise, no one will strike you with a ruler or revoke your membership!

Peace & Love,
Jody

I have a condition called an essential tremor which makes my hands shake. Once at a meeting, I pulled a dollar out of my pocket for the pasket and the leader told me my hands where shaking so bad that I needed the dollar more that AA. I blew up, I tried to tell him about my hands, then I decided it was none of his business why my hands shook, and even if I was coming off a drunk, if I wanted to contribute, I should contribute. He then tried to back track but I was crabby and over it. The point is, I will spend my whole life with people pointing out my shaking hands to me. Some of them because they are concerned, some because they are jerks, some because they like to hear themselves speak. If I think the person is actually intersted, I give them a little rundown on how and why. If not, I just try to move on and close off my energy. Dealing with other people is one of the unsung prolblems of a disability I think. Good luck.

:wave: Hello Seekingpeace4me,

Welcome to the AA forum on SR!

Your story made me gasp aloud at the insensitivity the leader of that AA group showed when the basket was passed. It must get tiresome to have to constantly explain your hands to everybody. That guy must have some unresolved issues, and he needs prayers. If you ask me, someone who'd say that is the one with the REAL disability. That's just my opinion.

I hope you keep posting here. We are really a friendly bunch, and we sure enjoy your company!
:abcw:
chip

Thanks to all of you - this really makes me appreciate my own home group.

Hi Found.

I think someone else summed it up for me - to thine own self be true. I too have other conditions which I struggle with. I have reconciled myself to a point where I understand the limitations that my other conditions put on me but that my primary illness is my alcoholism as that, left untreated, will kill me, the other 2 things won't.

I genuinely am comfortable attending 3 meetings regularly each week and I go to those meetings no matter what. If I feel too ill to drive, I call someone for a lift. If I am too tired, I go and snooze if I can't stay awake. No one minds! They would rather I am at the meeting if only to get an hours' peace! If I am feeling overwhelmed by people & crowds, I wear my earplugs (I can still hear, they just lower the volume) and wrap myself in my coat giving out 'stay away' vibes and sit in the corner of the room. When I'm feeling stronger, I explain why I do this, to those I'm friendly with. The point is, I will adapt for my conditions to do whatever it takes to get my mtgs-medicine; the stuff at home and talking on the phone is much easier to manage anyway at a time in the day I feel able to cope.

Oh, and I tend to drive myself to meetings alone, though if someone calls me for a lift I will always agree. I have autism, albeit high-functioning, and I need to be alone for periods of time. Having children means that the drive is often my only alone time each day. I'm comfortable with this. I do some behind the scenes service instead, organising mail-shots for retreats and stuff, that I can do alone, quietly. Playing to my strengths and taking all my conditions into account.

I hope you find your way. Pray to your HP to ensure you are being honest about your motives and let go of the rest.

Thanks all, that's terrific!
From now on following a period of reduced stamina and reduced working, I have to work full time.
Thank you all for the ideas on how to attend more AA meetings with more determination and fend off arguments.
I recognise that recovery and AA attendance are two different things but are very closely connected and a major factor in the quality of a meeting for me can be what and how I contribute to it. It was this last factor that I was leaving out of my calculations!