Mom an alkie?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Sunshine State
Posts: 14
Mom an alkie?
Hi.
I am new here, I do not post much.
I have a question, though...
My Mom is 83 years old. She has been a beer drinker all of her life.
She never got polluted to the point of passing out or not taking care of
us in her younger days, but it appears her drinking has grown to a level
of having approx 5 beers a day, with a glass of wine thrown in.
Is this alcoholism? Forgive me, but I am either in denial or just ignorant.
She drives my Dad batty when she has more than a couple beers, and her
temperment changes to a mean-spirited woman. She is generally a mild mannered person who prays daily and meditates.
I cringe when she calls me on the phone after she's had a few. My God she's going to be 84 soon. What do I do? Do I accept this somehow?
She is quite healthy and we joke about her being pickled in Miller High Life.
Any comments would be appreciated. Thank You!
I am new here, I do not post much.
I have a question, though...
My Mom is 83 years old. She has been a beer drinker all of her life.
She never got polluted to the point of passing out or not taking care of
us in her younger days, but it appears her drinking has grown to a level
of having approx 5 beers a day, with a glass of wine thrown in.
Is this alcoholism? Forgive me, but I am either in denial or just ignorant.
She drives my Dad batty when she has more than a couple beers, and her
temperment changes to a mean-spirited woman. She is generally a mild mannered person who prays daily and meditates.
I cringe when she calls me on the phone after she's had a few. My God she's going to be 84 soon. What do I do? Do I accept this somehow?
She is quite healthy and we joke about her being pickled in Miller High Life.
Any comments would be appreciated. Thank You!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello there SunGrace, glad to have you join us.
The diagnosis of alcoholism is done in two separate parts. One part is a doctor examining what damage has been done to a persons body as a result of the alcohol, and the other part is based on what damage is done to a person's life as a result of their behavior. Only a doctor can make a medical diagnosis.
A completely separate question is whether _your_ life and the life of the people in your family has been harmed by your Mom's behavior. It doesn't matter what she drinks, or how much she drinks, or how often she drinks, or even how long she goes between drinks. It only matter that her behavior has caused you harm. From what you have shared it seems clear to me that she has caused you quite a bit of harm.
What you can do about this is to start by getting informed about the disease of alcoholism, how you can protect yourself from harm, and how you can be supportive of her should she choose to stop drinking. You can start by browsing the "sticky" posts in this forum as well as the ones in the "Friends and Family" forum. Take a little time and read thru the posts in both forums. Grab your phone book and look up the local Al-Anon office in your area and attend a few meetings, they have tons of literature that is very helpful.
While you're doing all of that you'll come up with a whole lot more questions. Hop back in here or the "Friends and Family" forum and toss out your questions, we're always happy to share what we've learned.
Mike
The diagnosis of alcoholism is done in two separate parts. One part is a doctor examining what damage has been done to a persons body as a result of the alcohol, and the other part is based on what damage is done to a person's life as a result of their behavior. Only a doctor can make a medical diagnosis.
A completely separate question is whether _your_ life and the life of the people in your family has been harmed by your Mom's behavior. It doesn't matter what she drinks, or how much she drinks, or how often she drinks, or even how long she goes between drinks. It only matter that her behavior has caused you harm. From what you have shared it seems clear to me that she has caused you quite a bit of harm.
What you can do about this is to start by getting informed about the disease of alcoholism, how you can protect yourself from harm, and how you can be supportive of her should she choose to stop drinking. You can start by browsing the "sticky" posts in this forum as well as the ones in the "Friends and Family" forum. Take a little time and read thru the posts in both forums. Grab your phone book and look up the local Al-Anon office in your area and attend a few meetings, they have tons of literature that is very helpful.
While you're doing all of that you'll come up with a whole lot more questions. Hop back in here or the "Friends and Family" forum and toss out your questions, we're always happy to share what we've learned.
Mike
Friend of Angels
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: A Great State of Mind
Posts: 23
Hi Sun.
I am new here and am looking forward to reading many of the threads in the various forums.
It's interesting that your mother and my mother are very similar.
I have found that not talking to her when she has been drinking makes my life much easier. I don't really think that it is a matter of deciding if she is an alcoholic, like Mike said, unless she affects you. I know she affects me and my family.
As far as treatment, I see no productivity to this, since she is 83, doesn't even consider this daily consumption a problem little alone an alcoholic.
I am new here and am looking forward to reading many of the threads in the various forums.
It's interesting that your mother and my mother are very similar.
I have found that not talking to her when she has been drinking makes my life much easier. I don't really think that it is a matter of deciding if she is an alcoholic, like Mike said, unless she affects you. I know she affects me and my family.
As far as treatment, I see no productivity to this, since she is 83, doesn't even consider this daily consumption a problem little alone an alcoholic.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Sunshine State
Posts: 14
DesertEyes you know you provoke thought...
I wonder why my Mom is drinking to the point of inebriation 'pret near every night. I would like to understand that part of her. Is she burying something from her past? On the outside it seems she just likes to drink and get a good buzz on. But deep inside...is she running away from something?
That is hard for me to imagine...
Thanks to the both of you DesertEyes and Derameth for your feedback.
Sun
I wonder why my Mom is drinking to the point of inebriation 'pret near every night. I would like to understand that part of her. Is she burying something from her past? On the outside it seems she just likes to drink and get a good buzz on. But deep inside...is she running away from something?
That is hard for me to imagine...
Thanks to the both of you DesertEyes and Derameth for your feedback.
Sun
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
SunGrace...
1st of all WELCOME TO SR. You toooo Derameth. I don't have any words of wisdom other than to read the sticky's at the top of the pages....At 84, Hmmm , that's a tough one...I always say...at 84, I should be able to do whatever the h$*l I want....but then again...I guess that's supposing my behavior only hurts me. Good luck...more will be along shortly with experiences and advice.
1st of all WELCOME TO SR. You toooo Derameth. I don't have any words of wisdom other than to read the sticky's at the top of the pages....At 84, Hmmm , that's a tough one...I always say...at 84, I should be able to do whatever the h$*l I want....but then again...I guess that's supposing my behavior only hurts me. Good luck...more will be along shortly with experiences and advice.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello there SunGrace
Why thank you, that's a wonderful compliment
That's a tough question. We could sit her for _ages_ and try to guess what's going on inside her head. In the end, the only person who can truly answer that question is her.
Let's go a little further. Suppose she _does_ answer that question. What does her answer mean to _you_? How would it change _your_ life? What is your objective in asking that question in the fist place?
My objective when I was asking those same questions was to find a way that I could get my parents to see how much harm they were doing. I believed that if I found the right words, could say the right things, could somehow make them see what I saw, that I would then be able to get them to stop. Many years later I tried the same thing with my pill-addicted wife.
What I have learned is that the direct approach does not work with addicts / alcoholics. There are other approaches that _do_ work and come under the rather confusing titles of "hitting bottom" and "detachment". If you browse thru the Friends and Family forum you will find many people who share how their alcoholics / addicts (sometimes refered to as simply the "A" ) managed to find a program of recovery that helped them get clean and sober. Although there's a wide variety of different programs (AA is just one ) what is common to all is the fundamental concepts underlying what family members do to be supportive.
Have you picked up any books or literature yet? There's a huge book list over in the "resources" section of this website. If you'd like some recomendations just says so and everybody will jump in with all kinds of books. We do a lot of reading 'round here.
Mike
p.s. Lovely nick, SunGrace.
Originally Posted by SunGrace
DesertEyes you know you provoke thought...
Originally Posted by SunGrace
... On the outside it seems she just likes to drink and get a good buzz on. But deep inside...is she running away from something?...
Let's go a little further. Suppose she _does_ answer that question. What does her answer mean to _you_? How would it change _your_ life? What is your objective in asking that question in the fist place?
My objective when I was asking those same questions was to find a way that I could get my parents to see how much harm they were doing. I believed that if I found the right words, could say the right things, could somehow make them see what I saw, that I would then be able to get them to stop. Many years later I tried the same thing with my pill-addicted wife.
What I have learned is that the direct approach does not work with addicts / alcoholics. There are other approaches that _do_ work and come under the rather confusing titles of "hitting bottom" and "detachment". If you browse thru the Friends and Family forum you will find many people who share how their alcoholics / addicts (sometimes refered to as simply the "A" ) managed to find a program of recovery that helped them get clean and sober. Although there's a wide variety of different programs (AA is just one ) what is common to all is the fundamental concepts underlying what family members do to be supportive.
Have you picked up any books or literature yet? There's a huge book list over in the "resources" section of this website. If you'd like some recomendations just says so and everybody will jump in with all kinds of books. We do a lot of reading 'round here.
Mike
p.s. Lovely nick, SunGrace.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Sunshine State
Posts: 14
What does her answer mean to _you_? How would it change _your_ life? What is your objective in asking that question in the fist place?
I am thinking it doesn't really mean anything will change no matter what her reasons are for her escape...especially for me. Thank you for your caring.
I will look at the books and see how I can cope. After all, she is 83 and for heavens sake, what does it matter...except to me.
Appreciative for your help!
SunGrace
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