Riv

I just don't know what's wrong with me lately. I have these obsessive thoughts about my f...ed-up childhood since I've started going to meetings. Just listening to everyone speak and what they say just reminds me more and more of everything that happened. I can't sleep. I just think and think and think. I'm tired and cranky and everyone else around me is paying for it. ... so I'm feeling guilty on top of it. Is this "normal"? Thanks for letting me vent here.

River

princess9282001

Vent away Riv! Yes it is normal.

Riv

When will it end? I find myself holding "pity-parties" or myself on my couch with my Turtles ice cream probably more than I'm spending time with my family. The house is a freaking mess .....it's not fair to them and yet, at the time I just don't care

splendra

(((riv)))

Are you working the steps? They do help to get us out of our pain faster I think... I know that healing does not always feel good but, when you get to the other side it is worth it...hang in there and keep posting...

Five

Have you tried CBT?

This helps you look at your past through adult eyes, refram it, and then forget it. It helps process things.

DefofLov

I went through the exact same thing for quite a few months. I sank into despair, I cried a lot, I had all kinds of memories resurfaced and they all hurt a lot more in retrospect than when it actually happened. Probably because I realized that I was not to blame for the abuse and neglect and I realized that I didn't deserve it.

I journaled a lot and kept asking, "was that right?" "should this have happened to me?" with my counselor. Once I got all of the validation I needed and did all of the journaling I needed to do, I made a decison to break away and heal myself.

So, get it all out, then nurture yourself and be sure to take care of that inner child. She needs you and that is why you keep having these thoughts. Do something you would have loved to do as a kid or something you really enjoyed doing like coloring, drawing, painting, watching kiddie movies. It might make you feel better. I still watch Carebears every once in a while to take care of my inner child.

Hope that helps,

~Def

Riv

Thanks for your support. Glad I'm not the only one. Just wishing it would go away. Just tired. My therapist suggested EMDR. Anyone know anything about that. He didn't explain much about it. Maybe I'm just a little freaky about that too. I'm just scared in general these days.

I try journaling. It doesn't last long. I keep giving up. What I write doesn't even make sense half the time when I reread it. Just tired. I guess. I'll try to draw a little. maybe that'll help.

Thanks again...

kennethhoff

Yes, what your going thru is very normal. You probably haven't thought about things like this for awhile, letting it stay in your mind but not addresssing it. Now that you have started meetings, it's all coming up, and then out! This is a GOOD thing. Just like in therapy, if you can't see it, you can't do anything about it. Keep going to meetings, stay in therapy, journal, read books on this, and keep healing. As they say in Alanon, Its Progress, Not Perfection.

EMDR is a fairly new method called something like eye movement desensitization reprocessing or something to that effect. You therapist uses a metrhod to pass something back/forth over your eyes or using side-to-side sensations while you discuss therapy, supposedly it is used for traumatic events or PSTD to help the patient. I haven't known people it has worked for, but I am sure there could be validity to it.
Here is a link to a good site for it:
http://www.pshrink.com/emdrfile.html

Hope it helps.

Ken

katie6

I have a friend who has used EMDR and she made TONS of progress using it. She isn't an ACA, she was using it for other issues, but it worked wonders for her. You have to go into it with an open mind, or else it probably won't work as well for you.

I go through these episodes every once in a while. I get pissed off, I cry, I swear I will never talk to my parents again....then I forget about it for a while. It comes in waves, just like a lot of things in life.

dollydo

Oh sure, I go through the same phases...I call mine mini depressions, then all of a sudden, I pop out of it...left, right, left, right...

You'll be ok, just give it time.

Dolly

golf99

Messed up childhood is what I believe leads us here.

Riv

Thanks for all of your replies. Really helped me alot. EMDR wasn't so bad. He decided to start slow with less threatening stuff and will move on gradually. So I was basically worried for nothing. Doing better today.