Buckman98

Hi all -

I have some questions for anyone who might be able to shed some light. I have been doing lots of thinking lately, and have decided (!) that I suffer from chronic indecisiveness. In everything - from really big things like committing to a relationship (though there may be some other issues in there to) to agonizing over every litttle decision (buying boots or choosing a present for someone to ....). I have read a tiny bit about this - enough to know that some of this is classic ACOA behavior. Any good resources for me out there - books, on-line things, etc.? I want to dive more into this issue.
I am close to losing (or have lost) a really great woman due to my issues with comittment and decisions about our future, and I am tired of this stuff.

thanks -

Buckman98

escape artist

Codependent No More is a good one to get your hands on. by Melody Beattie. there are lots of stickies on these boards with good stuff about this affliction. al-anon meetings are a very good resource as well for tools you may need for your journey!
you have allready been exercising the tool of the 3 As- awareness, acceptance and action- with this post. way to go!

nocellphone

Welcome to SR, Buckman!

I agree with the suggestion of trying Al-Anon. It's been an immeasurable help for this Adult Child...

I was also indecisive most of my life, as I tended to subscribe to the kind of catastrophic thinking that told me things could only get worse, never better, so it was better to keep everything as it is. In short, I was a victim of my own control issues. I created, and chose to live in, my own "discomfort zone"...That's often what occurs for those of us who grew up in the chaos and unmanageability of an alcoholic family environment.

Back then, I didn't realize I had choices about how I think and behave. Today I do.

Today I understand that the possibility exists that things can be even better than they are presently! The only decision I need to make is to allow room for that possibility to grow into a reality.

A good exercise in learning to make decisions is to make frequent small decisions, nothing potentially earth-shattering, and observing the results. As the results bear out that not every decision (indeed, not many at all) leads to death and disaster, our confidence builds in trusting our decision-making abilities with the larger and more important issues.

In no time, we're running for government offices! (OK, let's hope it doesn't come to that, but you get the idea... )

I like to remember this: Even our wrong turns lead us to where we're supposed to be...