My Dear Mom
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Southern Pines, NC
Posts: 4
My Dear Mom
Hello Everyone,
My name is Laura from Southern Pines, NC. I am new to this, just joinned a few days ago. I have enjoyed reading everyones stories and can relate to many.
My Mom is an alcoholic, has been for years. In 1980 she was put into treatment and the doctors told her then is she kept drinking her liver would go and she wouldn't live long. She did stop drinking until around 1995 and has just been increasing her drinking since. She will not go to the doctor, I think she is afraid of what they miay find. I feel like I'm having a breakdown. I have tried talking to her calmly and also more sternly, and nothing works. She had promised several times to stop and go to the doctor but this has not happened yet. She is on a fixed income and has 4 credit cards maxed out buying beer, wine and cigs on them. I am 45, have MS and have had a heart attack and don't know how much more I can take. My doc has told me to harden my heart, not be cold hearted, and work on my coping skills. He has also told me this is out of my control and there's noting I can do until she decides to seek help. I feel like my sanity is gone, and am at my wits end. I would welcome any advise from anyone out there, PLEASE help me.
I TOOK AN INVENTORY & LOOKED INTO MY BAG TO SEE WHAT I HAD LEFT OVER. I HAD ONE JEWELIN THE BAG LEFT, THE BRIGHTEST JEWEL OF ALL. I HAD THE GIFT OF FAITH.
Fondly, Laura
My name is Laura from Southern Pines, NC. I am new to this, just joinned a few days ago. I have enjoyed reading everyones stories and can relate to many.
My Mom is an alcoholic, has been for years. In 1980 she was put into treatment and the doctors told her then is she kept drinking her liver would go and she wouldn't live long. She did stop drinking until around 1995 and has just been increasing her drinking since. She will not go to the doctor, I think she is afraid of what they miay find. I feel like I'm having a breakdown. I have tried talking to her calmly and also more sternly, and nothing works. She had promised several times to stop and go to the doctor but this has not happened yet. She is on a fixed income and has 4 credit cards maxed out buying beer, wine and cigs on them. I am 45, have MS and have had a heart attack and don't know how much more I can take. My doc has told me to harden my heart, not be cold hearted, and work on my coping skills. He has also told me this is out of my control and there's noting I can do until she decides to seek help. I feel like my sanity is gone, and am at my wits end. I would welcome any advise from anyone out there, PLEASE help me.
I TOOK AN INVENTORY & LOOKED INTO MY BAG TO SEE WHAT I HAD LEFT OVER. I HAD ONE JEWELIN THE BAG LEFT, THE BRIGHTEST JEWEL OF ALL. I HAD THE GIFT OF FAITH.
Fondly, Laura
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Welcome Muffin,
It's not so much about hardening your heart. If you can come to not only understand, but accept that you really don't have the ability to change this situation there is some peace for you in that. Ask yourself if anything you have done up to this point has made an impact. She stopped when she had a health scare and even with that information she started up again. I suspect she is scared, like you said.
You have to take care of yourself. Stress has a horrible impact on MS. Have you attended Al Anon?? Get the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie...today. You will be amazed at the insight.
((Hugs))
It's not so much about hardening your heart. If you can come to not only understand, but accept that you really don't have the ability to change this situation there is some peace for you in that. Ask yourself if anything you have done up to this point has made an impact. She stopped when she had a health scare and even with that information she started up again. I suspect she is scared, like you said.
You have to take care of yourself. Stress has a horrible impact on MS. Have you attended Al Anon?? Get the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie...today. You will be amazed at the insight.
((Hugs))
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Originally Posted by muffin4684
My doc has told me to harden my heart, not be cold hearted, and work on my coping skills. He has also told me this is out of my control and there's noting I can do until she decides to seek help.
I agree with JT.
You don't have to harden your heart.
Modify it maybe.
This is all out of your control.
And making yourself nuts about it won't do anyone any good.
Shine up that jewel of faith and keep it handy at all times.
Glad you're here, stick around.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Bx, NY
Posts: 1
Hi there.
I am new too. I am only 22, but I know what you are going through. My mom, too was an alcoholic. I begged and pleaded and fought with her, day in- and day out. She became quite sick, and died on July 17, 2002 of Cirrhosis of the liver.
It's scarey. Her skin was yellow, her stomack was FULL of fluids to the point where she looked 8 months pregnant. I asked her to get help, AA, a doctor...anything. At times I felt she didn't love me enough because she wouldn't do what I asked. At that point, I didn't realize she had a disease, and she couldn't just snap out of it like I wished.
My mom, unfortunately waited too long to see a doctor. When she did, everything came so fast. They put her on countless meds, she was in and out of the hospital, they spoke of a liver transplant...but before being put on the list, she died.
Alcoholism is frightening. Some overcome it...with strength my mom didn't have. I will keep you and your mother in my prayers each night.
The best advice that I can give you is to treasure your mother. Treasure each moment with her. Let her know you are on her side. Don't fight her, just understand that when you are as ill as an alcoholic is...it isn't easy. Bless yoour family, and good luck!!
I am new too. I am only 22, but I know what you are going through. My mom, too was an alcoholic. I begged and pleaded and fought with her, day in- and day out. She became quite sick, and died on July 17, 2002 of Cirrhosis of the liver.
It's scarey. Her skin was yellow, her stomack was FULL of fluids to the point where she looked 8 months pregnant. I asked her to get help, AA, a doctor...anything. At times I felt she didn't love me enough because she wouldn't do what I asked. At that point, I didn't realize she had a disease, and she couldn't just snap out of it like I wished.
My mom, unfortunately waited too long to see a doctor. When she did, everything came so fast. They put her on countless meds, she was in and out of the hospital, they spoke of a liver transplant...but before being put on the list, she died.
Alcoholism is frightening. Some overcome it...with strength my mom didn't have. I will keep you and your mother in my prayers each night.
The best advice that I can give you is to treasure your mother. Treasure each moment with her. Let her know you are on her side. Don't fight her, just understand that when you are as ill as an alcoholic is...it isn't easy. Bless yoour family, and good luck!!
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