amandasue

I remember when my dads drinking first became an issue. I was probably 2 and I remember standing on the porch and my mom sitting in a chair on the porch and my dad poking his head out the door and informing mom that he was going to the bar and my mom asked "again? isn't this becoming a habit?" yet I remember he went. from that day on, it was an everyday thing! I mean every day!! after work he went straight to the bar and then didn't come home until he was drunk(usually about 8 or 9 p.m) and we were then to endure the tirade over what show we were watching on t.v., or why we were still up or whatever he decided to pick on that evening. For while mom argued with him. She fought his drinking and I remember my brothers and sister and I (just little) having a meeting and deciding which parent we would go with if they divorced. I was the only one who picked my dad. I think I picked him because no one else did and I felt sorry for him because of that. That is probably the start of my "people pleasing".
I loved my father(who was never abusive physically) when he was sober he was kind hearted, loving, generous, strightlaced, dependable. But when he was drunk he was unpredictable, less kind, more eratic, like asking me as a child to cut his hair or repair a cut he had that was pretty deep, so I would get the bandaids and fix him up. He'd call me his "nurse". He was never mean, and he always gave his paycheck to mom and his drinking never affected our lifestyle negatively financially but I know that I missed out on having a great father because of alcohol and I wonder why it isn't outlawed. When it effects so many of us negatively I wonder why it is even available. I know why, logically, but how wonderful would this world be if it wasn't so "acceptable" to drink!

skinner

Sounds like we had similar childhoods. I too remember my dad "picking" on whatever happened to be there when he was drunk. And, I too remember the "meeting" with my siblings regarding who would live with who........and I too chose my dad out of feeling sorry for him. My dad also was never abusive, always went to work, always got the check to mom, always got the bills paid. So, a very functional, DYSfunctional family!!

For a long time I never realized how I could have possibly been effected by his alcoholism since there was never anything too terrible that happened because of it. But, like you said, we missed out on having a great father because of alcohol. So, even if the alcoholic isn't violent, abusive, mean, just plain awful.........alcoholism IS because it robs us of such important things as security, peace and the feeling of unconditional love.