elizabeth

Tonight i had a theatre exam, where an audience were allowed to come and watch!Everyones parents were there but where was my mum, we found her later tonight aimlessly roaming the streets in a coat and shoes.It broke my heart when everyones parents turned up, searching for my mums face in the audience,inside knowing that she would not be there.Why cant she just be a loving parent sometimes and not an alcoholic, she is so selfish, i had an exam and she has not asked how it went, i know that she cant because she has drunk quite alot tonight but i feel like im going to burst! Thankfully my friends were there and i love them alot for that but they cannot replace her, as shocking as that is!i will stop going on now, thankyou for listening to me!hope everyone os okay!

bb143

I remember so well, when I was a little girl and for every silly little play or show my elementary school put on, my father never showed. My mom would always be there, but dad didn't come.
I remember always being broken hearted. My mom would make an excuse for him because I was too young to understand what an alcoholic was...she'd say "he wanted to be here, but he had a business meeting that ran over...." etc.
There were so many of those heartbreaking disappointments that I can remember as a child. He didn't show to my highschool graduation. He is no longer a presence in my life at all....save the anger and memories that I have.

Goes to show you why one of the characteristics of being an ACOA is always anticipating things to go wrong...we're always expecting to be disappointed since we're so familiar with that feeling.

I'm sorry you are going through this. You're not alone. I hope you can find peace and strength and somehow can separate yourself from what your mother is doing.

((HUG))

renee18

I understand want you are going through. When my dasd was drinking he would not come to any school events and I know how much it hurts. Remember that there was people that love you and that your mom loves but just can't do stuff because of the alcoholism. Try to keep you head up.
Hugs.
Shana, 19

Kahlia

Elizabeth-Your Mother is incapable of showing you support. Mine is too. I decided a month ago to let her go....I cannot help her. She is not alcoholic, she is just co-dependant and thinks the world owes her everything for "all the things she has done for everyone else". You will be OK as you understand that she is sick.....I wish you well...Prayers for you...Kahlia

nocellphone

elizabeth...

I can relate to the "why can't she just be my mom?!?" feeling. I've come to understand that she's two things at once: my mom and an alcoholic (or, more specifically, an addict). As much as I might have been hurt by her addictive behaviors, she's hurt herself so much more...

I'd love for her to simply be Mom, but I need to remember that she's only been my mom for 36 years; she's been an addict all her life.

I try to keep in mind that, if she wasn't suffering from the disease of addiction, maybe then she could do the whole "mom" thing with more grace. Unfortunately, this is not the case. I know today that she's doing the best she can with what she has, and part of what she has is the disease of addiction...

[I do need to say that my mom has been clean for several years, and that, in that time, she's really done a great job at being the mom she might always have been had the situation been different!]

n1hnr94

Hi Elizabeth, I agree with everyone on this thread about letting go of your mother. I am going to suggest one more thought. Keep a little corner of your heart for her because remember she is ill form disease. And I suggest this because I lost my Mom to suicide when I was 17. She was an alcoholic in the final years of her life. As I grew up in those years I only knew her as the alcoholic not as Mom. Now that she is gone I have absolutely no feelings for or about her. I know nothing about her i.e. favorite color, etc. She is an image and that is it. I suggest to save a tiny corner for your heart for her in hopes that someday your mother will recover and become Mom again. It has been a long time since I said the word Mom. I hear people talk about their Mom, good or bad and wonder what it would be like to have a Mom in this stage of my life. I am 45 and there is an empty hole in my heart that know one will ever fill. So don't totally give up on her. Pray for her recovery but keep your distance if you have to. You need to take care of you first

dollydo

My mom is 80, and still drinks way too much...plus she pops pills..

Neither my father ( a drinker too ) or my mother ever came to my school events or anything including my graduations. Other parents were there hugging their children, telling them how proud they were of them.. I stood alone.

Today, I still stand alone, however it doesn't bother me. I have friends, in-laws and a life of my own. I am proud of me.

Remember you can't choose your family, you can choose your path in life and your friends.

My feelings towards my parents? Apathy, i just endure.

Dolly