The Lost Child....
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: n/a
Posts: 2
Kat, that's really sweet of you
and i know i've said this a million times, but I can't get over the fact that there are real people out there with the same types of childhood that I had. I've just never experienced people like that, or maybe they just weren't being honest.
Either way, this site is very refreshing. It makes me feel like less of a loser, which is what I felt like before I found it.
and i know i've said this a million times, but I can't get over the fact that there are real people out there with the same types of childhood that I had. I've just never experienced people like that, or maybe they just weren't being honest.
Either way, this site is very refreshing. It makes me feel like less of a loser, which is what I felt like before I found it.
Cruelty-Free
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Body: South Florida Heart: Yosemite National Park
Posts: 914
Originally Posted by Barris
It makes me feel like less of a loser, which is what I felt like before I found it.
As I see it, crappy parenting speaks volumes about the adults in the situation, yet it's the kids who come away feeling like "losers"... I guess my sponsor is right when he says "our perception is our reality".
I need to remember at all times that feelings are not facts and that, as I change my perception, I change my reality.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Greenville Kentucky
Posts: 44
I have to fight that feeling all the time, you know that feeling when you're out in a public place and you see a parent openly "making a child" feel as if they are "less" than? It is a huge trigger for me. There is this part of me that wants to beat the **** out of them (trust me, I've learned some moves for protection purposes). Then there is the side of me that screams inside, "Why the hell do they allow some people to have children at all?"
Then reality kicks in and I remember, "hey kat, this is a learned behavior". This adult learned to be this way. It's still very, very sad that a grown person can act that way towards a helpless little person. It tears at me every time I see it. While you're reading this, you might be thinking..."Why doesn't Kat call it in, report it or something". Well, let Kat tell you a little story about calling abuse in....or just my story.
There was this time that my children had some friends. These friends came to our home because my children were not allowed to go to their home, due to the fact that their home was not what I considered a productive environment. I make it my job to meet all parents and know what type of environement my children go into, I'm anal that way. After many months and on a Halloween evening, this very brave little boy came knocking on my door. He had a split, bloody lip, swollen, bruised eye, torn shirt....you get the picture. I called it in. The local police offier (who happened to be a friend of the child's mother) responded. I requested a juvenile transport and this local police officer stated he would transport the child home and respond the the situation. To make a long story short, the DCYF worker made the mistake of allowing the mother to see my name listed as the complaintant. The mother came to my place of business and let me know that she had a loaded gun under the front seat of her car. I found out later that the mother was also told by her friend the police officer that I had called it in to DCYF. This woman was mentally unstable, I had to get a restraigning order and a protective order against her and her oldest daughter. Her oldest daughter brought a knife to school and told my daughter she was going to slit her throat.
Moral of the story....unless you're willing to really go out on a limb for another child, make sure when they say it's CONFIDENTAL, that it's really CONFIDENTAL.
Because when you deal with these people, you're dealing with people just like the people you grew up with.
It was a major wake up call for me and it took me back in time, because this woman acted just like my mother would have acted, her daughter acted just like my sister had acted when we were taken into custody for placement into foster care. It was a major FLASHBACK. Honestly, I will never place any of my children in danger again openly, to help another child. I will call it in, from a pay phone. I have since learned from a very good friend how to make these calls to protect children on a private level.
Feelings are not facts. Facts are simply that, facts.
Which is why our stuggle is so much more difficult than most. Our reality has been distorted and we must learn what our perception of reality is.
Ya know, parenting hasn't been my toughest job......trying to re-learn what my perception of "reality" is, has been, and continues to be my greatest challenge.
It's a pet peeve I have, when someone tells me, "Well, if that's your perception of what I stated is, then so be it". I always seem to come back with a comment like, "Well what I heard you say is.....". Because if I honestly don't understand someone, I try to say something to get them to clarify what they said...and half the time their response is using the words "your perception". I think it's a pet peeve because I feel so many people use it as a way to get out of actually explaining themselves further. There is a great chance I could very well be wrong. *smile*
Throw in everything else we ADOA's have that challenge us on a daily basis and it's amazing how much "zeal" we truly have....think about it.
We are actually a very bright group of people. We are brave. We are strong. We endure. We have close bonds. We make excellent friends. We love deep and we hurt deep. When someone gets to know us, we are not shallow. We lay it on the line. We tell the truth and we let others know we expect nothing less in return. We are a strong lot, we are adult children of alcoholics......we are survivors.
Then reality kicks in and I remember, "hey kat, this is a learned behavior". This adult learned to be this way. It's still very, very sad that a grown person can act that way towards a helpless little person. It tears at me every time I see it. While you're reading this, you might be thinking..."Why doesn't Kat call it in, report it or something". Well, let Kat tell you a little story about calling abuse in....or just my story.
There was this time that my children had some friends. These friends came to our home because my children were not allowed to go to their home, due to the fact that their home was not what I considered a productive environment. I make it my job to meet all parents and know what type of environement my children go into, I'm anal that way. After many months and on a Halloween evening, this very brave little boy came knocking on my door. He had a split, bloody lip, swollen, bruised eye, torn shirt....you get the picture. I called it in. The local police offier (who happened to be a friend of the child's mother) responded. I requested a juvenile transport and this local police officer stated he would transport the child home and respond the the situation. To make a long story short, the DCYF worker made the mistake of allowing the mother to see my name listed as the complaintant. The mother came to my place of business and let me know that she had a loaded gun under the front seat of her car. I found out later that the mother was also told by her friend the police officer that I had called it in to DCYF. This woman was mentally unstable, I had to get a restraigning order and a protective order against her and her oldest daughter. Her oldest daughter brought a knife to school and told my daughter she was going to slit her throat.
Moral of the story....unless you're willing to really go out on a limb for another child, make sure when they say it's CONFIDENTAL, that it's really CONFIDENTAL.
Because when you deal with these people, you're dealing with people just like the people you grew up with.
It was a major wake up call for me and it took me back in time, because this woman acted just like my mother would have acted, her daughter acted just like my sister had acted when we were taken into custody for placement into foster care. It was a major FLASHBACK. Honestly, I will never place any of my children in danger again openly, to help another child. I will call it in, from a pay phone. I have since learned from a very good friend how to make these calls to protect children on a private level.
Feelings are not facts. Facts are simply that, facts.
Which is why our stuggle is so much more difficult than most. Our reality has been distorted and we must learn what our perception of reality is.
Ya know, parenting hasn't been my toughest job......trying to re-learn what my perception of "reality" is, has been, and continues to be my greatest challenge.
It's a pet peeve I have, when someone tells me, "Well, if that's your perception of what I stated is, then so be it". I always seem to come back with a comment like, "Well what I heard you say is.....". Because if I honestly don't understand someone, I try to say something to get them to clarify what they said...and half the time their response is using the words "your perception". I think it's a pet peeve because I feel so many people use it as a way to get out of actually explaining themselves further. There is a great chance I could very well be wrong. *smile*
Throw in everything else we ADOA's have that challenge us on a daily basis and it's amazing how much "zeal" we truly have....think about it.
We are actually a very bright group of people. We are brave. We are strong. We endure. We have close bonds. We make excellent friends. We love deep and we hurt deep. When someone gets to know us, we are not shallow. We lay it on the line. We tell the truth and we let others know we expect nothing less in return. We are a strong lot, we are adult children of alcoholics......we are survivors.
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