how to deal with toxic friends?
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Hopeland
Posts: 95
how to deal with toxic friends?
I flew of the deep end yesterday into a rage and all I could think of was that a button inside of me had been pushed and I'm clueless what to do about it.
I ran into an old (toxic) friend of mine in a work situation and this person was not making any sense in her contradicting statements but her comment that this issue I was having problem with was easy and even added that she's not having any problems with it rattled my cage bad. She totally ignored my explanation of this being a different issue and the reasons I gave and just implied that it's easy for her even though her situation wasn't the same. This got me into rage. I did not say anything to her but when I got home I wanted to hit everything and was steaming. What just happened? Why am I reacting this way? What am I trying to control? Why do I need her to see my point of view? This is so much like dealing with my ex-A. I'm still steaming even thinking about this!
This all has to with getting a new spare part and she started her statement saying that sometimes they are hard to get and after I told that I was having problems with getting spare parts from abroad she went into this "I've never had trouble" even though she had just said that they are sometimes hard to get. Makes no sense. And I don't know why does she need to point out that she knows how to take care of this and imply that I don't. And why does this upset me? Even after I told her that there's been problems with these particular parts before she still had to point out that she always gets the parts she needs. What is with that? This is so annoying.
I'm just so puzzled. I know she is obnoxious and enjoys playing the upsetting others game but what I do not get is my own reaction. I mean this thing was like throwing fire to a gas tank. Why am I reacting like this? I'm still pretty shook up over this. I felt like screaming at her but ended up saying nothing.
Are my issues with my ex-A spilling over or is my inabilty to handle anger getting out of control?
Have you guys been in situations where you are puzzled over your own reactions?
Confused little steamer
I ran into an old (toxic) friend of mine in a work situation and this person was not making any sense in her contradicting statements but her comment that this issue I was having problem with was easy and even added that she's not having any problems with it rattled my cage bad. She totally ignored my explanation of this being a different issue and the reasons I gave and just implied that it's easy for her even though her situation wasn't the same. This got me into rage. I did not say anything to her but when I got home I wanted to hit everything and was steaming. What just happened? Why am I reacting this way? What am I trying to control? Why do I need her to see my point of view? This is so much like dealing with my ex-A. I'm still steaming even thinking about this!
This all has to with getting a new spare part and she started her statement saying that sometimes they are hard to get and after I told that I was having problems with getting spare parts from abroad she went into this "I've never had trouble" even though she had just said that they are sometimes hard to get. Makes no sense. And I don't know why does she need to point out that she knows how to take care of this and imply that I don't. And why does this upset me? Even after I told her that there's been problems with these particular parts before she still had to point out that she always gets the parts she needs. What is with that? This is so annoying.
I'm just so puzzled. I know she is obnoxious and enjoys playing the upsetting others game but what I do not get is my own reaction. I mean this thing was like throwing fire to a gas tank. Why am I reacting like this? I'm still pretty shook up over this. I felt like screaming at her but ended up saying nothing.
Are my issues with my ex-A spilling over or is my inabilty to handle anger getting out of control?
Have you guys been in situations where you are puzzled over your own reactions?
Confused little steamer
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
I like what MG said about triggers in another forum. She said...
"I've found that triggers end up working in my favor. The triggers dig deep and reach the roots of the problem."
Most of the time, when something causes me to overreact, it's a combination of a trigger and anger or hurt that I have stuffed instead of dealt with.
And yes, I think our unresolved relationships with one person can bleed into situations with others unless we are ever vigilant of how we are thinking, feeling and reacting.
"I've found that triggers end up working in my favor. The triggers dig deep and reach the roots of the problem."
Most of the time, when something causes me to overreact, it's a combination of a trigger and anger or hurt that I have stuffed instead of dealt with.
And yes, I think our unresolved relationships with one person can bleed into situations with others unless we are ever vigilant of how we are thinking, feeling and reacting.
Putting it all together
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: St. Louis, MO.
Posts: 469
Gabe-I soooo agree that we can spew our anger at the wrong people if not careful.....it is hard but we have to let it go and move on. I have just "divorced" my family as they are all TOXIC.....very enhealthy for me as an addict in recovery. Thery all think I am the crazy one.....hmmm. That is OK..I know my feet are still on solid ground.....That's all I need for right now...I wish they were in my corner but they choose not to be. I cannnot change them, only me...I have done that. I get comfort here.......PEACE......Kahlia
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