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Old 03-11-2005, 01:11 PM   #1 (permalink)

Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Nampa, Idaho
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SOMEONE PLEASE HELP......Father is dying.

I dont know where to begin. I really need some help and have no where to turn. I am hurting so deeply and no one seems to understand.
My father...alcoholic since age 16. Wonderful man....very attractive man. Many many talents, and a beautiful voice. The father of 3 girls and two sons. Married and divorced 3 times. A rollercoaster life for all involved, especially his first born I have endured much with my father. Many heart aches and heart breaks and so much more in between. I was 5 when my parents divoced. I sufferend much visual and emotional abuse in my short five years with my Father in our home....much of which I dont remember. I then became a "little mother" and helped my mother raise my baby sisters while she was in an emotional mess. I have had countless suicidal phone conversations with my father....which all started around the 6th grade, on mornings before I went to school. Some days were good with him, and then there would be months of nothing.....and then something, and then nothing...and then a suicidal time, and then nothing.....ect. I always loved him. Never gave up on him. I helped and counceled him through things I shouldnt have even known about. But I did. One week away from giving birth to my second child, 6 years youngest sister (then 14) accused my father of sexually abusing her. She went to the police and it was a mess. I was heartbroken and shocked. My sister was EVER convincing and I saw the hurt in her eyes! I was disowned by my father and his family ( I was so close with). 5 devistating years went by....I thought of him often and my heart ached deeply. On the day after Christmas 2004, my sister told the truth. SHE HAD LIED ABOUT THE ENTIRE SEXUAL ACCUSATION!!! My father had not done this to her.....she could only say that she did it because she wanted him out of our lives so he couldnt hurt us anymore....she was only 14 years old. So now....I have tried to put the pieces back together. One by one, they seem to be coming back. I am now reunited with my grandparents and my father. We talk almost everyday. I love him deeply and have resentment for the years I missed with him. (although he causes so much strain on life).
For 5 father drank himself almost to death. Very very heavily. Since the truth was told and my father forgave my sister....his health is not good. He is suffering physically and mentally. He is trying so hard to get back to where he was before....which brings me to now...........

Last night we recieved news that my father is dying.....something I have been quite aware of for some time now....but so hard to hear it. He has blood work and a uranalisis done on Wednesday (it took 1 1/2 years to get him to a doctor and he was drunk and actually had a drink in his hands when he arrived at the office).
Most likely this is what is going on with him
Doctor said his liver is failing and is completly inflamed
both kindneys are shot
most likely lung disease
totally dehydrated and malnurished
nerve damage
they havent even x-rayed him at this point.......

His plan is to stay away from the hospital, although the doctors and everyone around him wants him there NOW! He wants the drug librium.....and wants to get off the alcohol now....and then he wants to get a second oppinion!

I am devistated! My father lives 8 hours away from me and I just want to get to him! I am confused and very frustrated! With all these symotoms, can anyone survive this????? He is acting like he'll just "get better"! I know he is in denial.......
Can someone, ANYONE help me??! What do these results tell me?
PLease help!
thank you for reading and listening!!!
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Old 03-11-2005, 01:36 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Sarah I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. It it truly terrible to watch someone you love in pain.

You ask for help but I am not sure what I can help you with other than sending prayers to you and your family that your father gets to the dr and gets the help he needs to live the rest of his life, no matter how long that is, comfortably.

I know more about how to live than I did yesterday, but not as much as I'll know tomorrow. Today, Ill learn something new~JFT, 1/27/06
The difference between a good day and a bad day, is about 2 days~Ann of SR
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Old 03-11-2005, 01:37 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I'm sorry to hear about your dad's situation, as well as all that you had to endure those many years. I'm glad that you were able to reach out for some help and guidance.

I've met many alcoholics in my life, some with physical problems on par with what you've described. Many were able to get quite a bit better once they got professional help with getting the alcohol out of their systems. Of course, once the alcohol is out, it's then time for the person to look at the reasons why they willingly did so much damage to themselves (and their loved ones) in the first place, so that positive changes can be made.

The human body has incredible power to recover when it's given the chance. Alcohol is a powerful toxin, as you no doubt now know.

You can find information and support at Al-Anon meetings:

For families and friends of alcoholics
Oh, yeah!!!

Recovery is not a mysterious process. The only mystery is why it took some of us so long to get here... and why some choose not to stay.
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Old 03-11-2005, 02:30 PM   #4 (permalink)
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S - I feel for you, it is hard to watch someone you care about destroy themselves - we all know that. Three years ago my brother who was a long-time alcoholic got into a fight. He died at the scene. The first word we got was that he had been "beaten to death". Of course our family wanted to know who this person was that would beat a man to death? And my brother was thin, obviously not well and very weak to begin with. As it turns out, he did get into a fight over $5.00 - the other guy punched him once in the gut. His liver was so shot, his clotting capacity so compromised, that he bled to death. The liver is a very resiliant organ and can take a LOT of abuse - so its possible that your dad could get better. But if he chooses not to go to the hospital, not to try to stop drinking - IT IS HIS CHOICE; all you can do is love him and pray for him. I just don't want you feeling like you have to take on responsibility for someone else's choices. Easier said than done, I know.
You are in my prayers.
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Old 03-11-2005, 03:34 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Hello Sarie,
Michele here alkie/addict. I have been told several times that I was dying from alcohol abuse. My liver was severly extended and my enzymes were 6 times higher than normal. After quitting alcohol and adopting what the doctor called " a healthy lifestyle" the size of my liver and my enzymes returned to normal in 6 months, Being the hardheaded and selfish alkie that I was I began drinking again and sure enough, in a couple years I was right back where I started, enzymes skyrocketed and on the verge of pancreatitis and cirrhosis. Finally I got sick and tired of being sick and tired and yesterday I celebrated my 3rd year free from booze and drugs. I am one of the lucky ones... I lost my older sister to cirrohsis just two years ago.
Lots of alkies take tranquilizers when they stop drinking. Librium is a good one as hard drinkers can ofter go into convulsive seizures when they stop drinking. It's probably really dangerous for him to just quit booze without them. Did you know you can die from quitting alcohol cold turkey?
I am praying that your Dad is also sick and tired of having a monkey on his back and will take this opportunity to get a new life and get into the AA program. He certainly has a loving daughter to think about as well... please get yourself into an alanon program because it will help you ohsovery much whether or NOT he continues to kill himself with more booze. It will help you to educate yourself about the disease so that you can better accept the outcome with your Dad.
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Old 03-11-2005, 03:38 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Please allow me to give you a big cyber-hug. You have been through so much and have such a forgiving spirit. Sometime things happen in life that we cannot change and this is one of them. Your father should be professionally detoxed but that is impossible if he refuses to go into a hospital. Try telling him he can go now while he still can make the decision or he will end up there when he is no longer able.

The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind~Wayne Dyer
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Old 03-11-2005, 07:15 PM   #7 (permalink)
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((((((((((Sarie)))))))))) Your post really moved me - you have been through so much. I can't really add much to what has been said already, but I will certainly say a prayer for you, your dad, and the rest of your family. This is a wonderful community of support - please keep coming back.
Sometimes I go about in pity for myself, and all the while a great wind is bearing me across the sky.

~Ojibwe saying~
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Old 10-06-2010, 03:39 PM   #8 (permalink)

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Oh Sarah -- my husband is currently going through something very similar. One of his best friends has finally managed to put himself in hospice -- his daughter called this a.m. and told us he has 2 days to 2 wks. Why? Because he would not, could not, stop drinking. His wife passed away from cancer right at 3 yrs. ago. He stopped drinking for years with her, but when her illness returned, he'd have a drink to cope w/stress. Then another, then another. (He'd stopped mostly because she loathed it so much; never works in the long run). So then he felt guilty because he was lying to her, drinking on the sly. Once she was gone, all restraint disappeared. He lost his job as a V.P. Then the house they'd shared. His daughter is distraught, sad, frightened and angry. It will take a long time for her to get over this. We finally had to distance ourselves from this friend when he threw us in a panic about 6 mos. ago. He called to just talk w/the hubby, but hubby knew he sounded wrong, funny ... and not just alcohol. We thought he was having/had a stroke, but he wouldn't let us come to take him to the E.R. No, indeed, it was NOT just alcohol --he'd also downed like 6-8 pain pills. Accident? Forgetfulness? No one knows, but he's now where evidently he's wanted to be for a long time.

Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be anything anyone can do or say. These people have to decide for themselves they want to live. All you can do is hold onto your own sanity, point the path for them if they want it, and pray. I'm SO sorry you're in this position. For what it's worth, I'll add you to my own prayers. Take care of you in all this.
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