Breakup
 

Hi everyone :) I’m an ACoA and let’s say I just realised that. I never really faced all the damaged that my alcoholic father and my dysfunctional family in general did to me until the day (a bit more than a month ago) my girlfriend dumped me. She told me that she couldn’t be in this anymore because I wasn’t even aware of having a problem (bursting in rage, avoiding intimacy, not being able to trust her) and as much as she loved me, that was enough..since then I started seriously a journey to understand who am I and realised everything. Now I feel so mad. She was loving me so much and I loved (I still do) her to. We had big plans for the future.I pushed her away . I don’t know if keep hoping on a possible reconciliation or just give up . It hurts and I don’t know how to face all of this.

My heart goes out to you. We, as the children of alcoholics, are very much the victims. Yet it impacts us in ways that may harm future relationships or harm those we love. I am currently 'in discussions' with my daughters about some of their own childhood experiences. It is incredibly frustrating that I know full well I gave them far better than I got from my alcoholic father/messed up mother yet I get no credit because they don't know what I experienced...yet I can understand that some of what they experienced (as I was dealing with their father raised in an alcoholic family and the things my own family was doing to me even as an adult) was hard for them...yet....yet....yet....

The only thing I can do is try to move forward. Do your best to look at the scars your upbringing has left and heal them and if it is meant to be you'll get a second chance with your girlfriend. If not, the work you do to heal from your upbringing will put you in a better place with the next person you meet.

This may sound funny, but this might actually be a good sign. It's part of the process of healing. It's what you do with your "anger / being mad" is what's important. This tells me you might be starting the healing process. You might want to print Evening Rose's 2nd paragraph and read it occasionally... it's very good advice.