nlynnpass17

I just found this forum and I'm starting to read but I'd like to get my story out asap so maybe someone can help. My mom is an alcoholic and my brothers and sisters have been trying to help her. She's been divorced for years. Back in 1988 when I was 16, she was court ordered to go to rehab. Since then she has had set back and long periods of unemployment but that was a time where my brothers were living with her and were able to support the household. She is now 60, living on her own, and a few months ago had a bad relapse. She spent some time in the hospital's recovery unit. From there we were all hoping she would go in to and inpatient 28 day program. She was willing to go but insurance wouldn't cover it. What she is doing is going to outpatient MWF nights from 6:00-9:00. She can say that she is an alcoholic, say that she needs the help, and says she wants to get better. But about two weeks into her treatment, we know she is drinking and my brother finds a bottle at her house. Her explanation for this is that she just wanted to have it to see if she can resist the temptation. She said she was fixing the drink and then pouring it down the sink. We all knew she was lying. I called the group leader for her treatment and let her know what was going on. My mom later then admitted to buying the bottle and actually having a drink. She apologized for lying and once again says she wants to get better. All that week I went to her house while she was at work and searched for booze. If she had any, she's hiding it well. But today and yesterday too, I can tell by her voice that she is drinking. She says she's not. I went to her house and couldn't find it. She's drinking but lying about it. I don't know what to do. I have the feeling my brothers have had enough. I don't want to call them for the fear of them saying they are done trying to help. My gut feeling is that if my mom was really read for the help, she would accept it and until she is ready, there nothing that I or my brothers or sister can do. Can anyone help? Is there something I can do that I haven't thought of? Will anybody share what they have done to help a loved one? Thanks for listening.

Gabe

Hey nlynn, welcome to Sober Recovery.
Unfortunately, until your mother is ready to get sober, there is nothing you or your family can do.
The only way sobriety is going to happen for her is if she wants it for herself.
Searching for bottles isn't going to help.
I'm sure by now you know when she's drinking, without producing evidence.
What you can do is get some help for yourself.
Have you thought about going to ACOA meetings?
Glad you dropped in, stick around.
Gabe

IAmEnough

She will only get help when she is ready. But it never hurts to tell her that when she is ready, you will help her to get help. Sometimes people need that.

Besides that, all you can do is take care of yourself. Read everything you can. Attend ACOA or Alanon meetings if you can. Post here.

And above all.... pray. I am a newbie too, and if I didn't pray, I wouldn't be here typing this right now. That is a fact my friend.

Okay.... now I am going to shoot some extra good vibes over to you..... are you ready....... here goes..... pow......

Did you get them? If not, post again, and you will.

Blessings

Star Gazer

My mom slipped many times before she became sober. We want through about 5 years of her closet drinking before she admitted she needed help and checked herself into an inpatient program.

I struggled. I often found bottles hidden around the house. She would deny drinking while she was falling down drunk. It was terrible and I lived in a home where I walked on egg shells.

I guess what I am trying to say is do not lose hope. Pray for her and pray for yourself.

Best wishes!

nlynnpass17

An update:
On Monday, the day after I found this forum, I find her in my driveway passed out in her car. She was on her way to work. She was drinking at the time. She actually had a drink with her IN THE CAR. I get her in the house, get my son on the school bus then I had to report to work for an hour but as usual made up an excuse to leave. I get back home and we arrange for her to see her doctor. She has ulcers that were of course flared up because of the drinking. While we wait to go to the doctor we talk for a while. I ask her where her bottle is at home. She refuses to tell me. She even admitted that she was thinking "how do I hide it from her?" Well, we get to the doctor who knows the whole story. Mom really likes her doctor and is then able to tell me where the bottle is because the doc talked her into telling me. My mom has the support of her doctor and her boss at work. I was surprised to hear how supportive her boss is being. So after the doctor we drive to the Monday night group outpatient session. She and I talk to Pat, the group leader, and Pat talkes my Mom into spending the night with me. During group, she at first doesn't want to talk but then opens up. We go on for a while and leave early. She stays with me and goes to work the next day. On Tuesday, I talk to my oldest brother. He is understandable upset with everything and has reached the line. He says he will be there for me, but won't talk with our Mom until she has proven that she is willing to help herself. This is easy for him to do because he lives about an hour away where I live only 15 minutes away from my Mom. So Tuesday Mom goes to work and makes it through the day. She comes to my house, we have dinner and she spends the night again. We get up in the morning and she seems to be a bit calmer and less stressed out. She went to work, called me on her lunch break to check in and is now in her Wednesday night group meeting. The last time she talked she said she will be coming to my house to spend another night. So I feel now I'm at a point where I want to help but not help too much. I can't have her depending on me too much. My husband has been real understanding but there needs to be a point where we stop. I don't know what I will do the next time she comes to me passed out. Just leave her there in her car? Let her drive home drunk? Let her come in my house? Take care of her? Has anyone ever had to turn away from a loved one? I know that one of my older brothers has reached his limit and the other brother has yet to return my calls so I'm in this all by myself. Hopefully I'll post again with a positve update. Thanks for the good vibes and well wishes.