LynnieD

First let me say thanks to those who replied to my other post. I appreciate it. I went to see my mom today. She is in alot of pain even though she is on strong pain meds. I just keep praying for her, because I feel that is all I can do.
I find myself very irritabel lately. Anything is aggravating me. Stuff that is not even a big deal (well, maybe except the people who drive like morons this time of yr). I haven't blown up yet, but I am afraid I will because that is what usually happens. And usually gets directed at the wrong person. I also am not sure of what I feel sometimes. I just know I don't feel right. I was never good at knowing how I feel. I am trying to make sure I am good to myself,(bought some white chocolae truffles) and express my feelings, but I am not doing a good job of it. How do you express them when you can't tell what they are?

Star Gazer

This happens to me alot. I have found that if I just write in my journal what I am feeling, the reason seems to come out. For example, if I am angry I just write that a whole bunch of times. It's like I shout and scream but it is on paper, not at someone else. Eventually, I come to a point where I either figuire out what the problem is or I just feel better for venting my anger.

DesertEyes

Hi there Lynnie :-)

When I get a "soup of emotions" and can't tell what's what I don't even bother to try and sort them out. I go in my parked truck, roll up the windows and just SCREAM. Scream until it feels better.

Sometimes I'll work out and put the whole soup of emotions into the excercise, that helps a lot too.

I'm sorry for your mom. I can't even imagine how difficult this must be for you. You and your mom are in my prayers.

Mike :-)

Magichappens

I had a hard time expressing my feelings. Everyone in my family was so bottled up. We didn't show any.

Early in recovery, someone gave me a list of feelings. I kept a copy at home, at work, and in my wallet. It really helped me.

Here are some sites that have good lists: http://prosperityplace.com/bsff/feelings.html
http://home.att.net/~albanes/NegativeFeelings.html
http://home.att.net/~albanes/PositiveFeelings.html

Using the list, and talking about things helped me to get a wider perspective on what was going on with me. The only feelings I could describe before that were "good" and "bad". That kind of limited me to how to deal with them.

I am sorry about your mom. You and she will be in my prayers. Hugs, Magic

JT

Cut yourself some slack...you are going through an enormously difficult time. When my mother was diagnosed with cancer there was a period of time when my brain was simply full. ANYTHING additional was overload. That has passed. Experience told me it would so I did one thing at a time, lived one day at a time and waited.

Also hospice is there for the entire family, not just the patient. Use them. When someone offers to do something to lighten your load use them too. You can't white knuckle your way through this.

((((Hugs))))
JT

LynnieD

Thanks for the replies. I am feeling a bit better today. I have also used hospice help a few times. The nail was hit on the head though ecause the hospice nurse even told me "when are you gonna stop beating yourself up?" I do have to learn to not be so hard on myself. I do believe I am doing the right thing about my mom. I think its made harder too because of Christmas. Thanks again for letting me vent thanks for the prayers.

JT

Lynne...of course it is harder because of the holiday's.

Your mom is getting good care right now. You can take a breath and do something you enjoy, at least for a little while. You can always worry afterward.

Hugs,
JT

utopia

i used to be very hard on myself, it was a surprise ai didnt beat my head with a wooden plank i was so self-hating and self deprecating. one thing ive found out is that as a recovering ACA im usuallt overstressed anyway and when tragic events happen like your dear mother, i get overwhelmed and go quite crazy. but just keep going to meetings, and i found for me that exercise,meditation, laughter and deep prayer got me through some dark times.