I thought I was over it........
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicopee, MA
Posts: 43
I thought I was over it........
Hi everyone. I am new here and have read alot of good stuff in different forums. Everyone here seems friendly and caring. So here's my stuff.......
i grew up in an alcoholic home. Both parents were drinkers. They argued almost every day. It was quite embarassing in front of friends and family, and when your neighbors can here it all summer long. We got buy on what my dad made, mom worked part time. Most of our stuff was all hand me downs, or one or two new things when school started. To say the least, I wasn't very popular at school due to clothes etc. I got picked on alot. Got the lame excuse "thier just jealous" blah blah..
My mom had been ill most of her life due to her alcoholism. She also suffered from depression. She spent many days in the hospital. She got treatment but always went back to the booze. She also became addicted to pills for a while.
The last five yrs have been very difficult. She has had a few strokes, and has been in a nursing home for two yrs. She has had chirrosis(sp) for a long time. She almost died when I was 17 because of bleeding in her gut. She recovered but went back to drinking.
Two weeks ago my bro and I decided to put into hospice care. The meds she takes for her liver aren't working anymore. We knew this day would come, but its much harder than I thought. All these feelings are coming up and I am trying to sort them out with couseling (recommended by hospice). I thought that I had forgiver her a long time ago. I consider myself a christian, and alot of what I feel, I feel guilty for. I have been watching her die slowly for two yrs, and now I sometimes think that "okay mom, if your gonna go, just please go. I hate seeing her suffer, I hate the way it makes me feel watching her. But then I feel guilty thinking that way.
I am angry at her becasue she had the opportunity to make better choices in her life and she did not. I did it why couldn't she?(I am sober five yrs) I used to beg her to leave my dad. She said she stayed together for me and my bro. I miss the relationship we could have had.
There's just so many feelings and issues. I have been so tired and irritable. I try not be, but it just kinda comes out, and of course it's misdirected. I just want to know if anyone has been in this situation, or has some advice. I am having trouble finding acoa in MA. I have lookied on the wso, but the ones listed are quite far from where i live.
Sorry this is so long. I just need to get it out. Thanks for listening, have a blessed night.
i grew up in an alcoholic home. Both parents were drinkers. They argued almost every day. It was quite embarassing in front of friends and family, and when your neighbors can here it all summer long. We got buy on what my dad made, mom worked part time. Most of our stuff was all hand me downs, or one or two new things when school started. To say the least, I wasn't very popular at school due to clothes etc. I got picked on alot. Got the lame excuse "thier just jealous" blah blah..
My mom had been ill most of her life due to her alcoholism. She also suffered from depression. She spent many days in the hospital. She got treatment but always went back to the booze. She also became addicted to pills for a while.
The last five yrs have been very difficult. She has had a few strokes, and has been in a nursing home for two yrs. She has had chirrosis(sp) for a long time. She almost died when I was 17 because of bleeding in her gut. She recovered but went back to drinking.
Two weeks ago my bro and I decided to put into hospice care. The meds she takes for her liver aren't working anymore. We knew this day would come, but its much harder than I thought. All these feelings are coming up and I am trying to sort them out with couseling (recommended by hospice). I thought that I had forgiver her a long time ago. I consider myself a christian, and alot of what I feel, I feel guilty for. I have been watching her die slowly for two yrs, and now I sometimes think that "okay mom, if your gonna go, just please go. I hate seeing her suffer, I hate the way it makes me feel watching her. But then I feel guilty thinking that way.
I am angry at her becasue she had the opportunity to make better choices in her life and she did not. I did it why couldn't she?(I am sober five yrs) I used to beg her to leave my dad. She said she stayed together for me and my bro. I miss the relationship we could have had.
There's just so many feelings and issues. I have been so tired and irritable. I try not be, but it just kinda comes out, and of course it's misdirected. I just want to know if anyone has been in this situation, or has some advice. I am having trouble finding acoa in MA. I have lookied on the wso, but the ones listed are quite far from where i live.
Sorry this is so long. I just need to get it out. Thanks for listening, have a blessed night.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Clearwater, FL
Posts: 81
Welcome Lynnie,
Though I have no experience with your situation, I know a hug
always helps me.
You are taking a good step by going to counseling. For me, that was the first step to recovery.
I wish you the best.
Though I have no experience with your situation, I know a hug
always helps me.You are taking a good step by going to counseling. For me, that was the first step to recovery.
I wish you the best.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Port Arthur, Tx
Posts: 30
Adult Children of Alcoholics
Lynnie:
I too grew up with an alcoholic parent. My mother didn't drink but also didn't ever leave my alcoholic step father who was a very abusive drunk.
Watching and living with the mistakes of our parents is very heartbreaking
and leaves us feeling very helpless.
The best thing we can do is to learn from our parents mistakes so that we don't have to repeat them. Unfortunately; what usually happens is that we continue the process, by doing the same thing in our own lives.
You can sympathize with your mother's pain but please don't feel guilty for it. Those were choices that she made for whatever reasoning process she used. The mind of the disease is very controlling and never wanting to take the blame for anything.
Live your life for you and put as much Love and sunshine as you can find in it.
That will help alleviate alot of guilt you feel that you don't deserve to feel.
September
I too grew up with an alcoholic parent. My mother didn't drink but also didn't ever leave my alcoholic step father who was a very abusive drunk.
Watching and living with the mistakes of our parents is very heartbreaking
and leaves us feeling very helpless. The best thing we can do is to learn from our parents mistakes so that we don't have to repeat them. Unfortunately; what usually happens is that we continue the process, by doing the same thing in our own lives.
You can sympathize with your mother's pain but please don't feel guilty for it. Those were choices that she made for whatever reasoning process she used. The mind of the disease is very controlling and never wanting to take the blame for anything.
Live your life for you and put as much Love and sunshine as you can find in it.
That will help alleviate alot of guilt you feel that you don't deserve to feel.
September
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Lynnie,
The way I put some sense to is to learn about my parents past. They were children once too and at least in my mother's case she had a difficult childhood. She gave what she was able to give. She did the best that she knew how to do.
Alcoholism and the dysfunction it causes is a family disease often passed down through generations.
Hugs,
JT
The way I put some sense to is to learn about my parents past. They were children once too and at least in my mother's case she had a difficult childhood. She gave what she was able to give. She did the best that she knew how to do.
Alcoholism and the dysfunction it causes is a family disease often passed down through generations.
Hugs,
JT
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Hi Lynnie,
My husband is an alcoholic, and I started attending Al-Anon because of that. While working through my immediate issues, I came to realize that alcoholism had affected me throughout my life.
If you are having trouble finding ACoA meetings, you may want to check on some Al-Anon meetings. There is some great Al-Anon literature directed toward ACoA's. The books "From Survival to Recovery" and "Hope for Today" have helped me to identify and heal a lot of pain from my childhood. It has helped me to change some of those behaviors that I was taught as a child, and destructively carried into adulthood.
Good luck in your search for peace and healing. Keep coming here and sharing. It helps a lot. Hugs, Magic
My husband is an alcoholic, and I started attending Al-Anon because of that. While working through my immediate issues, I came to realize that alcoholism had affected me throughout my life.
If you are having trouble finding ACoA meetings, you may want to check on some Al-Anon meetings. There is some great Al-Anon literature directed toward ACoA's. The books "From Survival to Recovery" and "Hope for Today" have helped me to identify and heal a lot of pain from my childhood. It has helped me to change some of those behaviors that I was taught as a child, and destructively carried into adulthood.
Good luck in your search for peace and healing. Keep coming here and sharing. It helps a lot. Hugs, Magic
and that is all that matters..
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 73
LynnieD,
Glad you stopped in! Please stay awhile! I am really new here just like you, but this forum does help. I am an ACOA as well, but there are no ACOA meetings in my city. I tried the Al-Anon groups in town, and the second one I found was a good fit. Two of the participants are ACOA just like you and me. So I recommend you try that route.
The best thing I did for myself was starting therapy. I have a great therapist that I see once a week and my insurance covers it all except $25 co-pay. If you can't afford therapy, there are lots of books out there to help you. I personally liked Mellodie Beattie's "Codepenent No More". I also really like her devotional "The language of letting go". It helps to read it every day. I just picked up Nathanial Brandons "The Six Pillars of Self Esteem" last night. Being a codependant ACOA, my self esteem is pretty low. I found that reading really helps. Besides the content of the book making a change in my life, just the fact that I am doing something to change is nurturing.
Journaling is great too. I was never one to journal, but now it feels good to put my thoughts and feelings to paper.
Althought I turned 41, I am still a baby in this process. I have learned though, that seeking out help is the MOST IMPORTANT STEP! When you admit that you have a problem that you want help with changing, then you are well on your way to recovery.
That is another subject to talk about... RECOVERY doesn't happen overnight. It is a lifelong process. But you can feel good in the fact that the initial stages of growth will help you feel better and make life much more bearable. When I started my recovery only a couple months ago, I was very depressed and a bit suicidal over the breakup of my ex-fiancee. I am now starting to see how rewarding life can be while in the process of recovery.
Keep posting here... even if it is just to say you need a hug. I did that on Monday because it was my birthday and I got some good hugs to help me through the day.
And keep us posted on when you find an Al-Anon group you like.
Blessings
Glad you stopped in! Please stay awhile! I am really new here just like you, but this forum does help. I am an ACOA as well, but there are no ACOA meetings in my city. I tried the Al-Anon groups in town, and the second one I found was a good fit. Two of the participants are ACOA just like you and me. So I recommend you try that route.
The best thing I did for myself was starting therapy. I have a great therapist that I see once a week and my insurance covers it all except $25 co-pay. If you can't afford therapy, there are lots of books out there to help you. I personally liked Mellodie Beattie's "Codepenent No More". I also really like her devotional "The language of letting go". It helps to read it every day. I just picked up Nathanial Brandons "The Six Pillars of Self Esteem" last night. Being a codependant ACOA, my self esteem is pretty low. I found that reading really helps. Besides the content of the book making a change in my life, just the fact that I am doing something to change is nurturing.
Journaling is great too. I was never one to journal, but now it feels good to put my thoughts and feelings to paper.
Althought I turned 41, I am still a baby in this process. I have learned though, that seeking out help is the MOST IMPORTANT STEP! When you admit that you have a problem that you want help with changing, then you are well on your way to recovery.
That is another subject to talk about... RECOVERY doesn't happen overnight. It is a lifelong process. But you can feel good in the fact that the initial stages of growth will help you feel better and make life much more bearable. When I started my recovery only a couple months ago, I was very depressed and a bit suicidal over the breakup of my ex-fiancee. I am now starting to see how rewarding life can be while in the process of recovery.
Keep posting here... even if it is just to say you need a hug. I did that on Monday because it was my birthday and I got some good hugs to help me through the day.
And keep us posted on when you find an Al-Anon group you like.
Blessings
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