New to confronting my situation.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 2
New to confronting my situation.
I am 28 and have dealt with my Mom being an alcoholic since I was 14. I have confronted her and her excuse is that she needs to drink to deal with my Dad, who is a wonderful person albeit a hard person to be with. I have gotten to the point that I have told her the last thing I would want is for her to leave my Dad but if that is how she is going to stop drinking and be healthy, I will support her.
I confronted her again on Thanksgiving and for the first time told her how her drinking affected me, instead of my worries about her, health, etc. She wasn't too defensive but tried to convince me that "It wasn't that bad". She told me fine, she'd stop drinking but then the next night was drinking again.
I love my Mom and absolutlely love spending time with her when she is sober. I told her though that her drinking really upsets me and that I am getting to the point that I will have to remove myself from the situtation if it doesn't improve.
I guess what I am looking for as far as advice goes is I am going home for Christmas (I live out of town) and want to deal with it off the bat before the drinking even starts with how it makes me feel. I was going to write a letter and I was looking for a book or article that might explain how I feel and any other advice on how to deal and approach this in a positive way.
I confronted her again on Thanksgiving and for the first time told her how her drinking affected me, instead of my worries about her, health, etc. She wasn't too defensive but tried to convince me that "It wasn't that bad". She told me fine, she'd stop drinking but then the next night was drinking again.
I love my Mom and absolutlely love spending time with her when she is sober. I told her though that her drinking really upsets me and that I am getting to the point that I will have to remove myself from the situtation if it doesn't improve.
I guess what I am looking for as far as advice goes is I am going home for Christmas (I live out of town) and want to deal with it off the bat before the drinking even starts with how it makes me feel. I was going to write a letter and I was looking for a book or article that might explain how I feel and any other advice on how to deal and approach this in a positive way.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hi there tired, and welcome to the forum :-)
I'm glad that you are able to love your mom and that your relationship is still postivie.
As far as advice, I would suggest you read the "ACOA Power posts" at the top of this forum. There's a _lot_ of excellent information in there. Take some time to browse thru all the other posts in this forum, you'll find a lot of people have been in similar situations to yours. Once you've done that you'll have a lot of different perspectives to consider. Toss your questions up on the forum again and we'll all toss in our opinions :-)
Mike :-)
I'm glad that you are able to love your mom and that your relationship is still postivie.
As far as advice, I would suggest you read the "ACOA Power posts" at the top of this forum. There's a _lot_ of excellent information in there. Take some time to browse thru all the other posts in this forum, you'll find a lot of people have been in similar situations to yours. Once you've done that you'll have a lot of different perspectives to consider. Toss your questions up on the forum again and we'll all toss in our opinions :-)
Mike :-)
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Tired...it sounds like you are trying to cause her to change and that ain't gonna happen.
I had a Dad, 2 husbands and a son. Friends and boyfriends as well. I have spent my best and most dysfunctional years trying to create change. At 40 I cracked and began Al Anon and at 50 I am waving the white flag.
But do you know what? I have found a peace that I might never have had if I had not learned that I cannot change another person. It is sad to watch someone you love hurt themselves but they, like us, have choices. Your mom is a grown woman and somewhere inside she knows...but she isn't ready.
Best to you,
JT
I had a Dad, 2 husbands and a son. Friends and boyfriends as well. I have spent my best and most dysfunctional years trying to create change. At 40 I cracked and began Al Anon and at 50 I am waving the white flag.
But do you know what? I have found a peace that I might never have had if I had not learned that I cannot change another person. It is sad to watch someone you love hurt themselves but they, like us, have choices. Your mom is a grown woman and somewhere inside she knows...but she isn't ready.
Best to you,
JT
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
