Dealing with abusive, probably alcoholic, elderly parent
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 774
Dealing with abusive, probably alcoholic, elderly parent
Hi. Due to my circumstances I am currently living with my mother, which is a living hell.
She is most likely alcoholic also but a different type of alcoholic to me. She drinks very little but when she does it ALWAYS turns her into a psychologically, emotionally and occasionally physically abusive witch. Obviously I cannot react to this, being a relatively fit 46 year old male compared to an elderly woman in her seventies. Friday nights in particular are nightmarish as Fridays are typically her drinking nights. It always affects her mood in an overwhelmingly negative fashion, never positive. She is difficult to deal with when sober, when drinking, impossible. I call her Teresa May behind her back, in fact Ms May is a puppy dog compared to my mother. She is in complete denial, unlike me regarding my alcoholism. The obvious solution is of course to move out which I cannot wait to do but in the meantime I have to get through the next few weeks without reacting to her toxicity and nastiness. Has anyone encountered a similar situation?
I am posting the extract below from a conversation with a trusted friend. This is one of hundreds of similar incidents. I have redacted some details to protect privacy.
She is most likely alcoholic also but a different type of alcoholic to me. She drinks very little but when she does it ALWAYS turns her into a psychologically, emotionally and occasionally physically abusive witch. Obviously I cannot react to this, being a relatively fit 46 year old male compared to an elderly woman in her seventies. Friday nights in particular are nightmarish as Fridays are typically her drinking nights. It always affects her mood in an overwhelmingly negative fashion, never positive. She is difficult to deal with when sober, when drinking, impossible. I call her Teresa May behind her back, in fact Ms May is a puppy dog compared to my mother. She is in complete denial, unlike me regarding my alcoholism. The obvious solution is of course to move out which I cannot wait to do but in the meantime I have to get through the next few weeks without reacting to her toxicity and nastiness. Has anyone encountered a similar situation?
I am posting the extract below from a conversation with a trusted friend. This is one of hundreds of similar incidents. I have redacted some details to protect privacy.
The tyrant started at me again tonight. At dinner asked "WHERE WERE YOU EARLIER" (implying I had been out drinking, whereas in fact the only times I left the house were to buy water in ------, cycle up the Three Rock and a walk to get out of the house when she was trying to start an argument earlier). Started banging on my bedroom door while I was working on my CV and rental list of housing, then accused me of making noise. She then threatened to ring ------ Garda Station. She was at a neighbour's house until 2am last night. She drinks wine on Friday nights on the sly and it always puts her in horrendous form.
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Join Date: Jul 2020
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No.
I have never been in a situation like yours.
Are you sure you can't move out? Because that looks - to me - like your only saving grace.
I don't see any point in trying to get her help if she's rooted herself that deeply in her drinking. Denial can be a firm ground to call home for some.
I used to live with a man who was sober when we met. I drank. He relapsed and we began drinking together. It took maybe two weeks before his true intoxicated demeanor reared its ugly head. He was a nasty, mean, ugly, drunk. And on top of it - he'd become that way after only half a beer. HALF A BEER and the guy became someone I despised.
Some folks are that way when they ingest alcohol. It makes them get freaky.
I have never been in a situation like yours.
Are you sure you can't move out? Because that looks - to me - like your only saving grace.
I don't see any point in trying to get her help if she's rooted herself that deeply in her drinking. Denial can be a firm ground to call home for some.
I used to live with a man who was sober when we met. I drank. He relapsed and we began drinking together. It took maybe two weeks before his true intoxicated demeanor reared its ugly head. He was a nasty, mean, ugly, drunk. And on top of it - he'd become that way after only half a beer. HALF A BEER and the guy became someone I despised.
Some folks are that way when they ingest alcohol. It makes them get freaky.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
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I'm sure people have had similar experiences sortofhomecoming, but this sub forum is one of the quieter ones.
If you can't move out for financial or other reasons, documenting the abuse, as you said in another thread, might be something to start working through with a therapist?
D
If you can't move out for financial or other reasons, documenting the abuse, as you said in another thread, might be something to start working through with a therapist?
D
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