At my wits' end with my mum
I haven't posted on here for a long time but I am truly at my wits’ end and I am just looking for some support and advice. My name is Amy and I am 30 years old, I live just outside Manchester in the UK. I live with my boyfriend and our cat and we have a happy life together, I work full-time at a local university. I am the only child of my mum and dad but have 2 younger half-sisters from my Dad’s second marriage.
My mum has been an alcoholic since I can remember, she is 56. Her drinking has resulted in ruined holidays, divorce, loss of employment (10 years+), medical issues, financial issues, no connection with the ‘modern world’ and absolutely no social life. She is a wonderful, intelligent woman but has completely ruined her life.
Over the past 10 years she has been hospitalised on many occasions – including falling and hitting her head this morning which has prompted me to reach out. She’s fallen, fractured her leg, had severe DTs (including hallucinations and seizures), bleeding oesophageal varices, almost set the house on fire and much more. The most serious incident occurred in October 2018 when she fell downstairs and fractured her spine and pelvis – she spent 4 days on the floor before concerned neighbours contacted me to say they hadn’t seen her. I was travelling to Japan on the holiday of a lifetime 2 days after she was found. Had the neighbours not contacted me she would more than likely be dead now.
Receiving the phone call from her neighbour this morning to say that she has fallen (again) has really gotten to me. I am absolutely sick and tired of having to deal with this. I have to monitor all of her appointments to make sure she attends (but she still usually doesn’t), I am in control of her savings as she has been in financial difficulties before – she has no mortgage/rent to pay as my dad paid the house off when they divorced but only has benefits as income. I cleared all of her utility debts in 2018, amounting to around £3000 but have since been reimbursed through inheritance she received when her mum died. I am living my own life but always have the shadow of hers hanging over me.
The difficulty for me is that my mum has no one else. Her father died when she was 23 and her mum died in 2018. None of her family bother with her (sister, aunties) so I am the only person there to help. Her family never ask how she is, never ask how I am and to be quite frank I don’t have any time for them anymore. My mum’s alcoholism affects my life massively – it impacts on me at work such as having to leave early due to emergencies (like this morning), I am anxious and sick when she doesn’t answer to phone, I am scared that something will happen to her at home and she’ll die and not be found for days.
I just wanted to say that my boyfriend is very understanding and supportive of my situation and I love him dearly.
Where do I go from here?
I'm very sorry about the situation you are in with your mum and the lack of support you have from your mum's family.
Have you ever gone to Al Anon meetings? I think you might find them helpful.
I am so sorry for what brings you here.
I don't know how things work in the UK, but can she be institutionalized? It sounds like she is a danger to herself.
Amy, does your mum have any awareness that she has a problem or is it 100% denial?
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