BrokeHeart

My whole Family drink, some not to extremes but most do and the drama's they cause affect me greatly.
I ran away from my Alcoholic mother 7 years ago and no matter how many times I read my big red book, (ACOA) I cannot seem to move on from it all.
My Anxiety and PTSD do not allow me to sleep, if I do get to sleep I am awoken scared, sweating and having heart palpitations, from the nightmares.
I have been prescribed anti psychotics for these nightmares but then was taken off them as I have a serious Heart Condition, so cannot take many pills, they also took my Diazepam too as that makes normal people have serious falls, I do not need any help in that department.

My dad finally came home to Australia, from England at the start of this year, so it has been nice to have him close but he is still a day drive away and I cannot drive due to my Heart Condition, so cannot just pop and see him when I am having a bad day, plus he moved in with his alcoholic sister who is always threatening to come up and cause dramas with the Family.

I try to stay away from people now, specially my Family and do not ever want to see my mother again, I love her still as I only have 1 mother, but I am still hurting so much after the years of abused and being used as a pawn in her drinking games with men. I have been raped when my heart stops and my mother didn't care to help or support me through these hard times, I have basically been my own mother since the age of 5 anyway, but sometimes I just feel like I need a hug and to be told everything will be fine, one day.