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Old 02-19-2019, 09:28 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Adult Children of People With Alcoholism: Healing the Wounds


Adult Children of People With Alcoholism: Healing the Wounds

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Recovering

If your parent had an alcohol problem, you probably haven’t learned to trust yourself, identify and express your own thoughts and feelings, learned about healthy relationships, or developed a sense of yourself as a valued and unique individual.

These are the tasks of recovery, a process involving several stages:

Survivor stage:
The first step in recovery is to acknowledge that you are from a dysfunctional family. This acknowledgement may be difficult as it dredges up old memories—painful memories you may have worked hard to bury.

• Identification stage:

Acknowledging that you are an ACA provides a framework upon which you can construct a realistic view of the past. This requires an abandonment of denial and an outpouring of intense feelings, including sadness and anger.

• Core issues stage:

This stage involves an active exploration of the ways in which your childhood is impacting your identity and relationships in adulthood.

• Integration stage:
You must develop belief systems that legitimize self-acceptance. New attitudes are now woven into healthier behavior patterns. Trust, honesty, and an assertive expression of needs and emotions become a part of daily life.

Genesis stage:
The central focus here is on ceasing to be a passive victim and becoming an active creator of your own world. Because the ACA recovery process is often a long and difficult one, it is imperative to use education, emotional support and professional counseling.

Individual and group therapy, self-help support groups (e.g., Al-Anon) and reading books about ACAs can help you through the recovery process. If you need help locating recovery resources, contact your company’s employee assistance program (EAP) or another mental health professional for confidential guidance.


Resources

It Will Never Happen to Me by Claudia Black. Random House, 1987.

Recovery: A Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics by Herbert Gravitz and Julie Bowden. Simon & Schuster, 1987.

Adult Children of Alcoholic Syndrome: From Discovery to Recovery by Wayne Kritsberg. Bantam Books, 1988.

Al-Anon/Alateen www.al-anon.org

By Karen S. Dickason © 2005 Achieve Solutions
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Old 03-10-2019, 07:10 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I think it is very brave that you are doing adult child work. It's the next step, and many don't have the courage to do it, or find someone or something to lean on instead. I found I had to balance out our solution with this stuff or I would have spiraled down into depression. It's tricky doing it...quite a balancing act...but has and can be done. our earlier work makes going deeper possible. Great job
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Old 03-14-2019, 03:41 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by QltyAngl7 View Post
I think it is very brave that you are doing adult child work.
Thank you. It's not easy. But it's the root of my life long troubles.

Quote:
It's the next step, and many don't have the courage to do it,
Hmm I'm not sure about that. I think looking at myself in AA took more courage than to look at how my being an ACOA affected me. Maybe I'm misunderstanding? I don't go to ACOA meetings. I went to a couple about 20 years ago but it was too much truth for me at the time. I wasn't ready.

Quote:
or find someone or something to lean on instead.
I'm not sure I understand.

Quote:
I found I had to balance out our solution with this stuff or I would have spiraled down into depression.
Balance out our solution with this stuff? Again I'm sorry I'm not sure I understand. Do you mean somehow combining AA with ACOA? I've had treatment resistant depression for a long time but am doing the best I can.

Quote:
t's tricky doing it...quite a balancing act...but has and can be done. our earlier work makes going deeper possible. Great job
In AA I was taught to not got deep into this sort of stuff, but just to look at my parents as "spiritually sick people who did the best they could with what they had" and to "forgive them, because God forgives them, and God forgives me, and He wants me to forgive them and to forgive myself". I was not allowed to say my alcoholism had anything to do with my being an ACOA, because that would mean I was blaming them. We had to be kind, loving, tolerant, and patient with our parents. Although someone here and there would say "but you don't put up with abuse."

But there seemed to be an unwritten rule that when you share or lead, you don't talk about your childhood or parents/family member in a bad light. Every so often, someone would say "My parent was an alcoholic" but would leave it at that. Fortunately I had/have therapy to help with those things and sort it all out. My former AA group made it way too black and white. Telling us we had wonderful families and should be grateful and to grow up. I guess that's what happens when the guy who starts the meeting didn't have alcoholic parents or an abusive home.

I posted these articles because they were helpful for me to read, and I hoped other people would find them helpful.
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