DefofLov

Hi Fam!!!

Well, I have been doing pretty okay. The holidays are coming up and I have made some decisons about what I am going to do. I decided to go home for two days for Thanxgiving and not at all for Christmas. Two days is quite enough for me. I cant stand nursing my alcoholic mother and listening to all the negative things my family has to say about me and each other. I cant stand the smoking the drinking. It is too much for me.

Lately I have been doing a good job of taking care of myself and getting stuff accomplished. uh huh uh huh uh huh... I have also been working out daily and drinking lots of water. Just being more healthy in general. I have also put aside the many atrocities I cannot control.

However, lately I have been mourning the fact that my father is indifferent towards me. I met him over the summer and it seems as though since I wont let him walk all over me, he doesnt want anything to do with me. He never calls, he never e-mails, he has broken promises. I have been thinking about what he said about marrying my alcoholic mother. He said it did it because she was pregnant with my brother and since she already had a kid he thought she would have made a good wife. Then my mother told me she had an IUD (form of serious birth control) in when I was conceived. My sister told me she was mad when my mother was pregnant with me. I cant help but think, considering all the neglect I have experienced, that I was not wanted. Considering my parent's current actions, or lack thereof, I still feel unwanted.

But these thoughts lay in the back of my mind and I try hard not to think about them and think about more happy things. uh huh uh huh uh huh.

goatfarmergal

When I realized that I was not wanted by my mother or father, it hurt too. I cried alot.

Now I am learning that it doesn't matter if they wanted me or not, God wants me. He said that I am carved in the palms of His hand. He said I will never forget you, I will not leave you orphaned, I will never forget my own.

Both of my parents have died now, and He has not left me. I don't think that I am on this earth because of what they wanted or didn't want, but because He wanted me on this earth.

I will pray for you during this difficult holiday season. God bless you.

DesertEyes

Heya Def! Good to hear you're doing good :-)

I know the feeling. I was definetly unwanted.

The way I see it, I was unwanted by people that were really not very nice. I mean, child abusers, drunks, addicts and just generally evil, abusive people. What kind of person would _they_ want? Rats hang out with rats, dogs with dogs. I am _not_ like them. I am responsible, respectful, I care about others, I keep my promises, I've been a great father and husband. I'm a good friend and I even vote. Why on earth would total losers like my family _want_ somebody like me.

I think it's compliment that honest, decent, caring people like my real life friends want me, and that losers like my family don't. I don't _want_ to be wanted by losers, if you know what I mean :-)

And hey, _we_ want you here on SR

Mike :-)

DefofLov

Oh, thanx so very much for your replies. *big hugs*

You are right Deserteyes, I should think more about people who do want me like SR, friends, and my sweet boyfriend. :smlove2:

And you are also right goatfarmgirl, God wants me!

Tata for now

punkid

i wasent wanted either. i was a mistake. my mother (aloholic) wanted another baby so she could get atttention. isnt life grand? whatever, f**k them. i am here and i will do something amazing with my life, i dont care if i was wanted or not, now im here and they have to deal