More stupid alcoholic tricks
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 688
More stupid alcoholic tricks
I walked away from the toxic people in my life--parents and siblings. But my kids think they're wonderful and keep going there (the adults) or asking to (the minors).
One fun trick I get is being blamed for things I knew nothing about.
For instance, a son recently told me my AF wishes I would come to family gatherings. The hint was clear--I'm the one holding out, refusing, standing in the way of family peace.
I pointed out that AF has not told me that. That in fact his only words to me for the last 7 or 8 years have been very ugly.
He also told me AF was actually the one who bought the gift he (my son) gave me 6 months ago. Grandpa wanted me to have it, DS said, but didn't want me to know it was from him. Supposedly, I guess because I'm so resentful and holding such a grudge I wouldn't accept it from him? So they had no choice but to lie to me?
DS's hint was again clear: Grandpa is so generous to me and I don't even appreciate it.
I again pointed out that I can't be held accountable for not appreciating Grandpa's generosity when nobody told me.
No real question here. Just venting among those who understand. My kids are out tonight supposedly just going out together but years of shaded truth like this leave me suspecting they're out with their grandparents.
It never ends. Sorry to say, but as hard as I've tried to be the place it stops, I see how my parents work their way into my kids' lives (they're also giving them very, very large sums of money--making it well worth their while to stay in the grandparents' good graces) and play games like this with my kids' perception and also knowingly take part in, and therefore encourage the way my kids will lie to me. And I wonder if it will somehow carry into my grandchildren's generation, too.
One fun trick I get is being blamed for things I knew nothing about.
For instance, a son recently told me my AF wishes I would come to family gatherings. The hint was clear--I'm the one holding out, refusing, standing in the way of family peace.
I pointed out that AF has not told me that. That in fact his only words to me for the last 7 or 8 years have been very ugly.
He also told me AF was actually the one who bought the gift he (my son) gave me 6 months ago. Grandpa wanted me to have it, DS said, but didn't want me to know it was from him. Supposedly, I guess because I'm so resentful and holding such a grudge I wouldn't accept it from him? So they had no choice but to lie to me?
DS's hint was again clear: Grandpa is so generous to me and I don't even appreciate it.
I again pointed out that I can't be held accountable for not appreciating Grandpa's generosity when nobody told me.
No real question here. Just venting among those who understand. My kids are out tonight supposedly just going out together but years of shaded truth like this leave me suspecting they're out with their grandparents.
It never ends. Sorry to say, but as hard as I've tried to be the place it stops, I see how my parents work their way into my kids' lives (they're also giving them very, very large sums of money--making it well worth their while to stay in the grandparents' good graces) and play games like this with my kids' perception and also knowingly take part in, and therefore encourage the way my kids will lie to me. And I wonder if it will somehow carry into my grandchildren's generation, too.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Yes, that sort of dynamic is infuriating...right?
It almost sounds like a sort of triangulation attempt. It is completely dysfunctional, but they will never see it that way--and I'm sorry!
Keep up a steady course and try not to get blown about by their attempts. Just tell the truth when confronted with the lies. I hope that eventually your children will learn!
It almost sounds like a sort of triangulation attempt. It is completely dysfunctional, but they will never see it that way--and I'm sorry!
Keep up a steady course and try not to get blown about by their attempts. Just tell the truth when confronted with the lies. I hope that eventually your children will learn!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,234
All I can say EveningRose is....
I understand and that you are not alone.
Stay true and honest with yourself always.
Pray for them who dont understand or
know what they do.
Living a life in recovery requires me to
let go of resentments that would keep
me sick in mind and heart and place folks
into the Hands of the Man upstairs or
God of my understanding because I
have no control over what they do or
say.
I have no place to judge. Just to let go
and live a healthy, happy, sober honest
way of life on my side of the street.
Yes, it all hurts, but I cant live with
toxic family near are around me.
I understand and that you are not alone.
Stay true and honest with yourself always.
Pray for them who dont understand or
know what they do.
Living a life in recovery requires me to
let go of resentments that would keep
me sick in mind and heart and place folks
into the Hands of the Man upstairs or
God of my understanding because I
have no control over what they do or
say.
I have no place to judge. Just to let go
and live a healthy, happy, sober honest
way of life on my side of the street.
Yes, it all hurts, but I cant live with
toxic family near are around me.
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