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Old 10-19-2018, 10:17 AM   #1 (permalink)
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He finally left her


30+ years of marriage and, as it goes, progressively worsening alcoholism. My dad drank my whole life and by the time I was a teenager I knew he was an alcoholic and that I was one too.
I'm an only child and although my parents didn't get along they were always there for me. Sometimes they were the only people I had in the world. I moved out and married and things seemed bad from what I saw when visiting them or talking to them on the phone, but I didn't know how bad it had gotten. He began beating my mom while drunk, I found out a year later. He became a drug addict but said he wanted to kick it. He got sober and left her for another woman, all after saying he was going to make their marriage work.
My mom wanted to make it work. I was relieved it was finally over, but very sad that my family fell apart after all that time we stuck together. So angry at the lies and the hidden abuse. Now he wants me to meet the women he left her for, and not even a year has passed since it hit the fan. I used to be really close to my dad but sometimes I don't ever want to see him again. I get panic attacks on the verge of sleep and I'm so depressed I hardly leave my bed. I'm unemployed but still sober. That's obviously a very condensed version of my unique situation, but surely there is someone out there that can relate? Any words of wisdom? Thanks for reading.
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Old 10-19-2018, 03:34 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi, sixtyfour.
Its very hard when a family member is making a ton of bad choices because of alcohol.
Its okay to say, no thanks to meeting the new gf, Dad. Not right now.
Have you spoken to anyone about the panic attacks. Maybe your physician has some recommendations.
Good luck and good thoughts.
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sixtyfour (10-25-2018)
Old 10-20-2018, 01:16 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Your dad's decisions are his own. You are not obligated to like them nor is he entitled to your blessing. If you don't want to meet his new partner or have a relationship with him right now, that's your right to do so. He's an adult. He can deal with the consequences of his choices.
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sixtyfour (10-25-2018)
Old 10-21-2018, 01:25 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Thank you both for your replies and honest advice. I feel I needed an outside perspective because it's been overwhelming to witnness the implosion if my ''family of origin". I feel so much guilt for being unable to protect my mom. I also feel cognitive dissonance about a father I once admired who fell so far from grace. To grasp for a silver lining, at least now I have even more reasons not to drink after witnessing the dempise of my parents' marriage.
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