My first post here...having woken up in tears
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Join Date: May 2018
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My first post here...having woken up in tears
Hello all. Firstly I am sorry for such a depressing sounding first ever post from me.
I am 31. My mum is 60 and is a "functioning" alcoholic though I think sometimes she isn't functioning at all when she's drunk. She has been drinking a lot since I can remember, probably significantly enough for me to notice from my early teen years which has gradually got worse and worse. She and my dad divorced when I was 5.
She lives on her own now me and my younger sibling are older. She only ever drinks white wine. She drinks too much, is always buying bottles, drinks from a mug as if we don't know what she is doing and almost like she's trying to feel less guilty herself, she still keeps some in bathroom cupboard like years ago and we don't even live there. She takes it in a "water bottle" to work and whenever she is on the move. She is anxious, shaky, always stressed, always negative. Her house is messy, needs work, she never gets things done. She doesn't prepare meals from scratch as she probably just wants to drink so shoves something in the microwave.
She was diagnosed with cancer last year and has recently finished post surgery treatment, chemo, radio, etc. She was admitted to hospital and quite badly ill after two chemo rounds for sepsis. She even had wine in her bag when she was first admitted. Even asked my brother to get her some, obviously he didn't. Then she was on pills to try and reduce withdrawal symptoms but they were pretty bad and tough to witness. I thought this news and big life event might work out positively for her to stop drinking. My dad even had a liver transplant related to diabetes and liver cancer not so much for drinking, but nothing has changed her. She had been going to a counseller (who recently left her job so it stopped) but in my eyes this person was just there to chat and never was able to help my mum stop. It probably made my mum feel better about drinking as she convinced herself she was doing something about it, but it has just got worse. She has a slightly fatty liver noted on her medical notes, but is in denial she has any problem due to alcohol.
I try to avoid calls on her days off and weekends when I know she has had longer to drink. I went over there at 7 yesterday evening, because she kept insisting and I felt bad. She couldn't stand up without holding the wall really and was saying things that made no sense. I left after 20 minutes. At 11pm I was receiving several calls and messages when I didn't pick up, asking why I hadn't been and asking me to go and help her tidy up. She has no recollection of me being there 4 hours earlier. Today she won't remember any of this.
She has occasionally suggested cutting down in recent years - I know this is denial to not completely stop, or that her counsellor said they could look into detox after the cancer stuff was over. This is of course slight progress as she is half admitting there is a problem, but if you ask anything more she'll not want to talk and it will create an argument where she will try and turn things around and ask me about my life or things to make me feel bad.
I just wanted to share my story and how I am feeling. I am just so fed up of how long this has gone on for and how there is nothing I can do whatsoever and no one around me to understand. I just want a normal mum. If anyone has any nice words then that's all I will ask for, that would be lovely.
I am 31. My mum is 60 and is a "functioning" alcoholic though I think sometimes she isn't functioning at all when she's drunk. She has been drinking a lot since I can remember, probably significantly enough for me to notice from my early teen years which has gradually got worse and worse. She and my dad divorced when I was 5.
She lives on her own now me and my younger sibling are older. She only ever drinks white wine. She drinks too much, is always buying bottles, drinks from a mug as if we don't know what she is doing and almost like she's trying to feel less guilty herself, she still keeps some in bathroom cupboard like years ago and we don't even live there. She takes it in a "water bottle" to work and whenever she is on the move. She is anxious, shaky, always stressed, always negative. Her house is messy, needs work, she never gets things done. She doesn't prepare meals from scratch as she probably just wants to drink so shoves something in the microwave.
She was diagnosed with cancer last year and has recently finished post surgery treatment, chemo, radio, etc. She was admitted to hospital and quite badly ill after two chemo rounds for sepsis. She even had wine in her bag when she was first admitted. Even asked my brother to get her some, obviously he didn't. Then she was on pills to try and reduce withdrawal symptoms but they were pretty bad and tough to witness. I thought this news and big life event might work out positively for her to stop drinking. My dad even had a liver transplant related to diabetes and liver cancer not so much for drinking, but nothing has changed her. She had been going to a counseller (who recently left her job so it stopped) but in my eyes this person was just there to chat and never was able to help my mum stop. It probably made my mum feel better about drinking as she convinced herself she was doing something about it, but it has just got worse. She has a slightly fatty liver noted on her medical notes, but is in denial she has any problem due to alcohol.
I try to avoid calls on her days off and weekends when I know she has had longer to drink. I went over there at 7 yesterday evening, because she kept insisting and I felt bad. She couldn't stand up without holding the wall really and was saying things that made no sense. I left after 20 minutes. At 11pm I was receiving several calls and messages when I didn't pick up, asking why I hadn't been and asking me to go and help her tidy up. She has no recollection of me being there 4 hours earlier. Today she won't remember any of this.
She has occasionally suggested cutting down in recent years - I know this is denial to not completely stop, or that her counsellor said they could look into detox after the cancer stuff was over. This is of course slight progress as she is half admitting there is a problem, but if you ask anything more she'll not want to talk and it will create an argument where she will try and turn things around and ask me about my life or things to make me feel bad.
I just wanted to share my story and how I am feeling. I am just so fed up of how long this has gone on for and how there is nothing I can do whatsoever and no one around me to understand. I just want a normal mum. If anyone has any nice words then that's all I will ask for, that would be lovely.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: East Coast, USA
Posts: 958
Laurita, I'm so sorry for what you are going through.
Being the daughter of an alcoholic mother (as I am as well) is so difficult because we can't change them and we can't make them change themselves. I am all too familiar with the levels of denial, the defensiveness and the deflections in conversations.
Make sure you are taking care of yourself. Please don't let her take that from you.
Al anon meetings may help you to find others who are in a similar situation. I wish I could offer more advice.
sb
Being the daughter of an alcoholic mother (as I am as well) is so difficult because we can't change them and we can't make them change themselves. I am all too familiar with the levels of denial, the defensiveness and the deflections in conversations.
Make sure you are taking care of yourself. Please don't let her take that from you.
Al anon meetings may help you to find others who are in a similar situation. I wish I could offer more advice.
sb
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