wasn't there a stickied post about guilt?

Old 11-15-2017, 09:24 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
seasaw's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 254
wasn't there a stickied post about guilt?

Am I crazy, guys? hehe. I'm stopping in because I could have sworn we had a post as/in one of the stickies that was called something like 'What Is Guilt?' and then the post read kind of like a flow chart? Like, to help you determine if you had justifiable cause to feel guilty/responsible for something?

Grr, I'm trying to think if it was a different forum but I thought it was my home group <3 <3 <3

Update for anyone around when I was all the time - NC year 4 now; she was constantly in dire health and going to the ER during year 3 and flying monkeys sprouted up everywhere etc, I BRIEFLY went VLC while she got through the almost dying maybe? part.

And she beeggggggedddd me for forgiveness, begged and apologized and pleaded and wept and and deny drinking (she's totally drinking) the WHOLE SHABANG. And I couldn't even enjoy it because I have awoken! It could be a different tune in an hour.

And finally I must have said something she didn't like and just like that, I heard the venom in her voice in her response, and I have been NC so long and been doing so much work in therapy and reading and with you guys, that instead of having a visceral emotional ptsd reaction to it, I was actually calm enough to hear it and have the thought, 'wow, that is really creepy!'

and I got off the phone with her right away. I said 'i can see i've upset you, let's talk when you're feeling better' and just hung right up. and it felt just dandy and i went on with my day. i am unhooked, detached. there's still a tiny extremely annoying thread that yanks on me when i think of this extremely sick elderly person living alone in the woods in squalor. but she made all those choices, denied every opportunity to change the path in exchange for a bottle or a pill until she ran out of people willing to help her. As my therapist says, at some point the State will take over. I'm not doing so great myself. If she trusted me with access to her money, I could make sure she had a cleaning person, and an aide of some sort to stay on top of other things - but I guess that would just be enabling, and she doesn't trust me after everything I've done for her, anyway.

So I focus on making myself healthier and happier. I totally suffer from terrible depression but I'm learning ways to make it quieter. I'm making sure I'm always checking in on my chosen family, all my relationships, and not isolating myself. Lol, actually, one of our favorite things that my therapist has said is, "If you get confused or doubtful, just think about what your mother would do - and do the opposite"

if there are any new members reading this i'd love to hear if this strikes any chords for you - I know i'm in a much different place now but I can't think of how 4 years-ago me would have thought of now-me!! heh.



uhhh anyway yeah that guilt thread?? hahaha.
seasaw is offline  
Old 11-18-2017, 07:27 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
DesertEyes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Originally Posted by seasaw View Post
... I could have sworn we had a post as/in one of the stickies that was called something like 'What Is Guilt?'...
Do you mean this one? It's not a flowchart, but it's the closest I could find.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ing-guilt.html (Handling Guilt)

Originally Posted by seasaw View Post
...NC year 4 now; ...
Wow! Congratulations

Originally Posted by seasaw View Post
... and I got off the phone with her right away. I said 'i can see i've upset you, let's talk when you're feeling better' and just hung right up....
Goodness, it took me years and years to get to that point. You're doing that No Contact much faster than I did.

Originally Posted by seasaw View Post
...As my therapist says, at some point the State will take over. ...
Yup. I don't know about your part of the world, but over here you can call the cops and have them do a "wellness" check on elderly people who need medical help.

Originally Posted by seasaw View Post
... I totally suffer from terrible depression but I'm learning ways to make it quieter. ...
Well yeah, from what you have described it seems clear to me that you had a totally depressing childhood. Those emotional injuries don't shake off in just a day or two.

Originally Posted by seasaw View Post
... I can't think of how 4 years-ago me would have thought of now-me!! ...
I think your recovery rocks. And I totally appreciate that you stop by every now and then so the newbies can see that recovery is possible, and wonderful.

Mike
DesertEyes is offline  
Old 12-05-2017, 06:52 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
DoubleDragons's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Hi Seasaw and Mike,

I don't come here to SR very often anymore. I have started back in therapy and I have a live codependents group that is very helpful, but as this holiday season is here and my triggers are all over the place, it feels good to check in again.

Seasaw, I finally went NC with my family of origin (alcoholic narcissistic mother, codependent/possibly alcoholic/narcissistic father and manipulative possibly alcoholic sister) almost 2 years ago and I want you to know that your excellent posts over the years helped me with the courage to do it. It is not perfect, I am not guilt free, but I am healthier and "free-er" than I have ever been. I am slowly, but surely growing in my self worth and understanding. In the perfect world, we would have loving, healthy parents/families and thus "normal" , healthy relationships with them, but we don't have that. However, NC is certainly a relief from the constant drama and pain that I used to endure. My therapist says that often we codependents confuse "guilt" with just sadness. I think sometimes I have a hard time just admitting to myself that I am very sad sometimes. Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks. You helped me a lot and didn't even know it.
DoubleDragons is offline  
Old 12-06-2017, 07:08 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
DesertEyes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Originally Posted by DoubleDragons View Post
Hi Seasaw and Mike ...
Hello back at you, glad to hear you are doing well

Mike
DesertEyes is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:14 PM.