I am starting to not care, even be mad at my codependent mother!
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Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 2
I am starting to not care, even be mad at my codependent mother!
Hi everyone! I want to say to you that I start feeling like I dont want to speak to my mother anymore, I feel that it’s like a toxic relationship.
Let’s start with this, my father has been drinking for years, more than ten.
We were two sisters in the house + my mother + father. My sister went to college 7 years ago and since then everything started going downhill. My father never went to work drunk until then and that kept on happening these few years. It changed me seeing them fight everyday. He was always abusive verbally, but when he drank he was even phisically. I always feared of him, but my mom couldn’t stand seeing him like this, she would always pick the same fights.
I do understand that he has an illness, but he also never wanted help, even though everyone was offering to do so.
Me and my sister have never been a problem
child. She just finished med school, I am finishing highschool, best in town, and I’m studying to get into Univeristy of Pharmacy.
Now my father is a very very heavy drinker, I had enough, I am always sad when I come home, I am always scared of what he might do and I can’t even study anymore. What should I do? Cry for
a few hours and then study? I can’t, it drives me crazy. I was so friendly before I went to highschool, but now I am so shy and I think that everyone is criticizing me.
I partially blame it on my mother, she should have been the sane one. She never did anything to get us from that house. Even though she could.
I am 18 , almost 19, by the way.
Since september it had gotten worse if I can say that. He got drunk everyday so he was fired. And now my mom still doesn’t do anything. She always said she was getting a divorce, but 7 years had passed and she didn’t. I had enough of this, I cry almost everyday, I don t know how my mom is going to send me to college now.
She bearly has money to support me when I am home, let alone college.
I have an aunt that works in another country (Spain), I m from Romania by the way. My mother could’ve went to her, and I would’ve stayed at my other relatives that are in the same city with us. But she doesnt want to .
I have this anger in me... I have had enough, I am done. And besides this, she never wanted to be my friend, she doesnt even know what is my favorite colour, or my favorite tv movie, she refers to my boyfriend as a classmate ( which we are ) but she never acknowledged him, saying that I am too young. But my boyfriend is the one that makes it all bearable...
Sorry for my bad English, as I have told you, English is not my mother tongue.
Let’s start with this, my father has been drinking for years, more than ten.
We were two sisters in the house + my mother + father. My sister went to college 7 years ago and since then everything started going downhill. My father never went to work drunk until then and that kept on happening these few years. It changed me seeing them fight everyday. He was always abusive verbally, but when he drank he was even phisically. I always feared of him, but my mom couldn’t stand seeing him like this, she would always pick the same fights.
I do understand that he has an illness, but he also never wanted help, even though everyone was offering to do so.
Me and my sister have never been a problem
child. She just finished med school, I am finishing highschool, best in town, and I’m studying to get into Univeristy of Pharmacy.
Now my father is a very very heavy drinker, I had enough, I am always sad when I come home, I am always scared of what he might do and I can’t even study anymore. What should I do? Cry for
a few hours and then study? I can’t, it drives me crazy. I was so friendly before I went to highschool, but now I am so shy and I think that everyone is criticizing me.
I partially blame it on my mother, she should have been the sane one. She never did anything to get us from that house. Even though she could.
I am 18 , almost 19, by the way.
Since september it had gotten worse if I can say that. He got drunk everyday so he was fired. And now my mom still doesn’t do anything. She always said she was getting a divorce, but 7 years had passed and she didn’t. I had enough of this, I cry almost everyday, I don t know how my mom is going to send me to college now.
She bearly has money to support me when I am home, let alone college.
I have an aunt that works in another country (Spain), I m from Romania by the way. My mother could’ve went to her, and I would’ve stayed at my other relatives that are in the same city with us. But she doesnt want to .
I have this anger in me... I have had enough, I am done. And besides this, she never wanted to be my friend, she doesnt even know what is my favorite colour, or my favorite tv movie, she refers to my boyfriend as a classmate ( which we are ) but she never acknowledged him, saying that I am too young. But my boyfriend is the one that makes it all bearable...
Sorry for my bad English, as I have told you, English is not my mother tongue.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, georgiannaaa.
Welcome to SR.
Can you get to an Alateen meeting?
It’s a support group for young people who are dealng with alcohol addiction in their families.
Could be helpful for you to see that there are people your age are also coping with alcoholism.
It’s natural to have lots of emotion about your family situation.
Anger, resentment, fear, feelings of inadequacy.
Just know that you are not alone.
Welcome to SR.
Can you get to an Alateen meeting?
It’s a support group for young people who are dealng with alcohol addiction in their families.
Could be helpful for you to see that there are people your age are also coping with alcoholism.
It’s natural to have lots of emotion about your family situation.
Anger, resentment, fear, feelings of inadequacy.
Just know that you are not alone.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 350
Without any physically available support groups, my next suggestion is online support groups. This forum is a good one. I also participate in an AL-anon facebook group as well - it's up to you what works.
For me, unfortunately, I can't both be healthy and taking care of myself and also have some people in my life. A few siblings refuse to resolve differences they have with my wife and insist that all that needs to be done is just drop it and hang out and "they'll be cordial and respectful" - yet, it's not how they behave. My father is still drinking and was never truly present in my life emotionally - he covered everything else fine, but being connected with me wasn't there. He just wasn't present and still isn't.
In the 12-step programs we talk about how we can find serenity and peace regardless of whether or not the alcoholic continues to drink. If I let my father's sobriety, or his willingness to actually respond to my heartfelt letter rule my life, I would feel absolutely terrible. I would also give over ALL of my power - that my happiness is contingent on the actions of another person I have no control over - I've learned in the programs that I'm responsible for myself and my greatest advocate. I needed to pick myself up and be my own best friend - that person that says, "oh he*** no, you didn't just say that to my friend!" and protect and cherish and love that person. I've had to parent myself and fill the holes that my father left (and my mother as well who also has abandoned me due to my insistence to resolve issues and not being around people I see as being emotionally abusive).
Take care of you - I personally also attend counseling as an additional support. For me, I need as much as I can get. If I defined myself based on how my parents or a few siblings view me, I would feel lower than the lowest of low. Instead, I'm working to take care of me.
Take care of you! We can't cure the alcoholic - we didn't cause their disease - and we can't control it. But we can work on ourselves.
For me, unfortunately, I can't both be healthy and taking care of myself and also have some people in my life. A few siblings refuse to resolve differences they have with my wife and insist that all that needs to be done is just drop it and hang out and "they'll be cordial and respectful" - yet, it's not how they behave. My father is still drinking and was never truly present in my life emotionally - he covered everything else fine, but being connected with me wasn't there. He just wasn't present and still isn't.
In the 12-step programs we talk about how we can find serenity and peace regardless of whether or not the alcoholic continues to drink. If I let my father's sobriety, or his willingness to actually respond to my heartfelt letter rule my life, I would feel absolutely terrible. I would also give over ALL of my power - that my happiness is contingent on the actions of another person I have no control over - I've learned in the programs that I'm responsible for myself and my greatest advocate. I needed to pick myself up and be my own best friend - that person that says, "oh he*** no, you didn't just say that to my friend!" and protect and cherish and love that person. I've had to parent myself and fill the holes that my father left (and my mother as well who also has abandoned me due to my insistence to resolve issues and not being around people I see as being emotionally abusive).
Take care of you - I personally also attend counseling as an additional support. For me, I need as much as I can get. If I defined myself based on how my parents or a few siblings view me, I would feel lower than the lowest of low. Instead, I'm working to take care of me.
Take care of you! We can't cure the alcoholic - we didn't cause their disease - and we can't control it. But we can work on ourselves.
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