Jazzberry

It's a long story but to cut it short he has been strictly alcohol free for around 12 years since he split up with his partner and got together with a new one. They have been together 12 years and got married 2 years ago. Me and my 2 siblings felt that he was unsure about the marriage from a couple things he said at the time. Anyway I digress...

When he used to drink it would be from the time he got home from work until he passed out around midnight, predominantly whisky, he would never remember much, he didn't drink during the day and functioned running his own business etc. but he was completely absent as a father (not abusive) as he was either at work or at home drunk.
I live on the other side of the world now, one of my brothers bumped into him at the supermarket yesterday and he was buying a large bottle of whisky amongst other stuff. His wife is away for 10 days staying with one of her adult kids. My dad made like it was no big deal, he has been having the odd half glass of wine since November apparently and now just fancied a whisky.. I would like to believe that is the case but can it really be? My gut says it's not possible.
We are in our 40s, my dad is 74.
I feel like I'm in a bad dream, I don't know what I'm asking here, just reaching out for advice, opinions, help, support.
Thanks for reading

PhoenixJ

Jazz- what a sucky story. Addictive drinking sucks. It damages- across time, oceans..hearts. I guess you already know what is what. No one has any control over what you dad does. Your choices- even if you lived next door to him...are really limited. Talk to him...you cannot rescue him. I would think you are worried, concerned and also feeling lots of conflicting thoughts. There are just way 2 many dynamics in every different family for sage advice. I do know you need to validate your own feelings and try to accept and deal with them. Talking to someone/others? Al-anon may be of help , or a professional. Such feelings may very well open up a long shelved set of feelings from the past.
Support, empathy and prayers to you, your dad and your bro.

Maudcat

Hi, Jazzberry.
Welcome.
Lots of support here.
Very sorry that your dad has picked up.
More will be revealed, I think.

Jazzberry

Thank you for your kind replies. One of my brothers had a chat with him yesterday and apparently it is "under control, his wife knows and is ok with it as long as it doesn't get out of hand, it's just a glass of wine a day... "
but my other brother caught him buying a bottle of whisky (did I already say that,,?). But apparently that's the first time he has bought whisky. While his wife is away..
My brother believed him. I really don't know what to think. He (my dad) was supposed to Skype me today. I've been waiting all evening, he just texted to say he is out and will try me on Wednesday (2 days away). So he either doesn't realise how this might be affecting is, doesn't care, is completely insensitive or is embarrassed/ashamed/hiding something..

I mean, is it possible that he has it "under control" after 9 months? Or is he (am I) deluding himself (myself)?
I feel devastated.

Maudcat

Probably not.
But who knows?
Only time will tell.

Mountainmanbob

A little wine and a bottle of whiskey

for the alcoholic is very very risky.

I'm guessing that in no time he will need help.

Even us old guys deceive ourselves occasionally.

M-Bob

Maudcat

Sorry. Got interrupted.
Hi.
If your dad was drinking as much as you stated in your original post, then it is likely that, having picked up again, he will go down that road again.
There really isn't anything you can do, as this is your father's choice.
I know you are worried. May I suggest Al-Anon meetings?
It's a fellowship for people who are troubled by a loved one's drinking. There are meetings everywhere, and online support as well.
Peace.

tromboneliness

The bad news is, that bottle of whisky is not likely to last long. The other bad news is, there's nothing much you can do about it.

The... I won't call this good news, because there isn't any with this kind of thing... but the "thing" of it is that you (we) don't need to obsess about what the alcoholic is doing -- precisely because it's out of our hands. The advice to go to Al-Anon is good -- find a meeting and go. You don't have to say anything -- it's perfectly OK to be like Andy Garcia, in "When A Man Loves A Woman," who went to Al-Anon meetings for several months before he said a word!

This is a great group -- there are people who have seen just about everything that happens, so it's a great place to air stuff out! Good luck!

T