Wow
 

I can't stop reading all these threads! I finally found people who understand and who are going through the same feelings and experiences as me! Literally bringing me to tears!!! I'm new to the site and I have so many questions and emotions.

I am the daughter of a recovering alcoholic who is manipulative and narcissistic , she has major health issues and she isent very old. I feel like I'm a horrible person because I find myself angry or annoyed or frustrated when she calls and asks me for a breakfast date. I hate that I have to be the crunch, the friend, the daughter and the punching bag.. Let me put it this way, she will call. Me to bring her to do. Groceries, keep in mind that she has bus access at her front door, handi transet access, and 3 other children (2 of which don't speak to her) and I work full time, have a house and a husband, currently trying to have our first child, and I'm only 28 years old. So she calls me to. Do groceries, I'm not even halfway through my 8 hr shift and I'm already exhausted, I ask her if we can do it the next day, she agrees and is more than happy to wait. 4 hours later my phone won't stop ringing with her crying on the other line asking why everyone hates her, telling me that she might as well start drinking again because the only reason she got. Sober was for us kids and if we're not going to be in her life then theirs no Point. Telling me that I'm a horrible person for making her starve and that I'm selfish because I never do anything for her.. I mean the things that this woman has said to me!! She once told me I was to fat to have children, and maybe I should loose weight so. That my husband would be happy. She's told me that she knows I'm an alcoholic (I'm 28 years old and go out maybe once a month with friends), that everyone hates me, she's called. Me I don't know how. Many times to " say goodbye". So why the hell am I still talking to her? Why do I still have a relationship with her? Why do I still do things for her? Those are all questions I get asked from friends, family, siblings... And I don't know :( I don't know!!!!! I know she manipulates me.. I know she dosent like me.. I just always put myself in her shoes and thing " if this was me, I'd want someone! No one deserves to be alone! And I imagine how I would feel and it breaks my heart! Like one part of me wishes things I dare not say out loud in fear of putting that out in the universe, another part of me just wants to fix her and all her problems.. Another part of me dosent want to feel the guilt that will inevitably come after she passes... My anxiety is worse than I've ever felt before and I mean their has to be more to life right?

Ashley, I'm sorry that has been your experience. Alcoholism is hard on both the drinker and anyone around them. Sounds like you might benefit from checking out Some support groups for families of drinkers. Again I'm sorry for what has brought you here, but this is a wonderful supporting community.

Hi, Ashley.
Welcome.
I hear so many emotions in your post.
Guilt, anger, resentment, low self-esteem, wanting to do the right thing but not sure what that is.
Is there someone who can help you sort some of these things out?
Sometimes our parents are just not that good for us.
Sometimes they are perfect examples of how NOT to be.
Please take care of yourself. Stress doesn't help anything.
Your are being a reasonable grown up when you offer to take mom shopping when you have the time to do so.
She is not being reasonable when she calls you crying and enraged.
Sounds like some mental disconformities there?
I have heard it said around here that boundaries are not for the other person.
They are for the person setting them.
Decide your boundaries. Not today, not tomorrow, but think hard and decide what you will take and what you won't from your mother.
Then turn your phone off.
Peace. Keep coming back.