Boofills

Hi....new to this forum, can someone tell me the name of the books I need to get on amazon.... I'm (40yrs) an adult child of an alcoholic mother who has just come out of rehab and is still!!! in denial, after nearly killing herself with drugs and alcohol a couple of months ago....my very codependent dad was for the first time, at 73yrs, really starting to see the light, was getting therapy and everything but has suddenly done a complete 360, and feels she's doing really great now and that they are actually really happy??? WTH?? I've over the years had to distance myself from my siblings as being the scapegoat, they just don't know how to treat me with genuine respect and after time it always ends in tears...so I guess I'm lost for what to do next...clearly both my parents are mentally ill....do I keep calling to see how my dad is? which I have min to a 10 min drop by once a week...I have emotionally detached from my mother a long time a go but feel terrible guilt if I don't see my dad, and worry as he's there alone with her....my sisters don't call if she is there anymore.....I'm rambling, not sure if I'm making any sense?

DesertEyes

Hello Boofills,

I moved your post into a thread of it's own so it does not get lost in the other thread. I hope you don't mind.

This is our book list:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...nks-acoas.html

My personal recommendations if you are just starting out on this journey are:

https://www.amazon.com/From-Survival...6432278&sr=1-1

https://www.amazon.com/Will-Never-Ha.../dp/0345345940

I also recommend meetings of ACoA

Adult Children of Alcoholics

or, if you can't find a meeting close by there are meetings of Al-Anon that focus on Adult Children of Alcoholics. However, a lot of the meets do not actually state their focus in their directory, so you may have to call them or actually shop around before you can find the one that best "fits" your needs.

Al-Anon Meeting Search

Since your mother is still actively drinking and present in your life you might want to check out this forum "next door".

Family Members of Addicts and Alcoholics (Parents, Sons and Daughters, Siblings) - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Yeah, they do that. Co-dependents without recovery seem to do that "flip-flop" on a regular basis.

I think you already did it The general suggestion is to first educate yourself about addiction / alchoholism. You can do that right here on SR by reading thru the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum and in the other "family" forums.

As you do that please feel free to post any questions you may have. There is a lot of terminology that can be very confusing.

The next step is to make a plan for how you are going to deal with specific issues in your own family. You can find other people's plans by reading thru the posts in our various forums, then adapt them to your own needs.

I have found real life meetings to be extremely helpful in my own education and plan-making. A good therapist who specializes in families and addiction is wonderful to have, but they are hard to find.

I'm glad you have decided to join us, and I hope we can answer your questions.

Mike
Moderator, SR

makomago

Hi Boofills

You're making perfect sense to me, Welcome to the forum.

The book list posted earlier has some fantastic 'reads' in it. There's a ton of literature out there for ACoAs.

I think the books I've found most beneficial (which will be in the list, I'm sure) are;

The fellowship text of Adult Children of Alcoholics (known colloquially as the Big Red Book).

Healing the Shame that Binds - John Bradshaw
Co dependent no more - Melody Beatty
Bradshaw on The Family - John Bradshaw
Healing the Child Within - Charles Whitfield
Healing Your Aloneness - E Chopich & M Paul
Inner Bonding - Magaret Paul

The book I cherish most is the Big Red Book, but I guess such is my bias because I also attend meetings of Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACA or ACoA - as you like).

best regards

M