Revelations
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 315
Revelations
OK so, good session with the counselor today. Thought I would share as I felt really positive about putting this in action. We were talking about my boundaries and why it's difficult for me to enforce a boundary when I set one. People seem to know that I'll crumble and my counselor asked... why do you think they assume you'll go ahead and say yes to something you've already said you won't do?
Wow. Had to think about that. First, what kind of person would push you past a boundary you've set down? Not a true friend right? A bully, or an addict/alcoholic, someone who doesn't care about your feelings. So I started thinking about the fact that when my boundaries are pushed I feel bullied. And when I feel bullied I get extremely anxious and I cave. Next question - why do you cave? In my case, two things. As a child I had no power and no one looking out for me so I felt powerless. I also felt unloved. So that has followed me and I feel powerless, coupled with wanting people to like me and... I cave. And a bully can tell when someone feels powerless and they take advantage.
So now, when I feel that anxiety I have to remember that I DO have power, the power to say no, and that I do NOT need everyone to like me. The people that like me, respect my boundaries so there's no need to worry about people who don't respect me not liking me LOL.
Now to put that in practice the next time someone challenges my boundaries...
Wow. Had to think about that. First, what kind of person would push you past a boundary you've set down? Not a true friend right? A bully, or an addict/alcoholic, someone who doesn't care about your feelings. So I started thinking about the fact that when my boundaries are pushed I feel bullied. And when I feel bullied I get extremely anxious and I cave. Next question - why do you cave? In my case, two things. As a child I had no power and no one looking out for me so I felt powerless. I also felt unloved. So that has followed me and I feel powerless, coupled with wanting people to like me and... I cave. And a bully can tell when someone feels powerless and they take advantage.
So now, when I feel that anxiety I have to remember that I DO have power, the power to say no, and that I do NOT need everyone to like me. The people that like me, respect my boundaries so there's no need to worry about people who don't respect me not liking me LOL.
Now to put that in practice the next time someone challenges my boundaries...
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Great points. At least you set boundaries. My therapist said I don't even set them. I keep saying to myself "that battle isn't worth fighting" and compromising more and more of myself until once again I'm completely unhappy and wondering how I got there.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Wow, thank you for this post! It's very true of me too.
I usually post in alkie forums since I'm I recovery. I started to read friends and family a while ago, mostly to understand how alcoholism affects our loved ones. Over time, I realized that I was affected by my mothers addictions too.
I could have written your post, except your insight is better
. Thanks!
I usually post in alkie forums since I'm I recovery. I started to read friends and family a while ago, mostly to understand how alcoholism affects our loved ones. Over time, I realized that I was affected by my mothers addictions too.
I could have written your post, except your insight is better
. Thanks!
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