Did you ever doubt your perceptions?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 168
I doubt my perceptions with everything. I had a guy hitting on me, and despite the bluntness of it, I told myself - "Amber, it's all in your head".
It's slow going, but I'm working on trusting my gut feeling.
It's slow going, but I'm working on trusting my gut feeling.
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 936
Did I ever doubt my perceptions?
All. The. Freaking. Time.
Since a very early age, I was taught that everything I felt, thought, said, observed, etc. was incorrect.
It's a very difficult concept/experience to explain, even to therapists...and I had one psychologist do a lot of damage, actually, but I've since found ones who helped me see this.
I used to try to explain it with this analogy: if I said that the sky was blue, my FOO would angrily scream that I was wrong and the crazy one, because any idiot knows that the sky is green. I would silently stare at the blue sky, cry, and just shut down because nothing made sense. It was all a big mind f*ck, excuse the french.
I had a very kind therapist validate me, but he kept telling me that I had to learn self-validation. I had another therapist tell me, "Centered, if I lined up people from one coast to the other and they all told you that "it's not you", you still wouldn't believe it. It has to come from within."
It's not an easy thing for those of us who experienced these sort of things. But it's absolutely key. Being taught to doubt one's perceptions from an early age is so damaging, but we CAN get past it.
All. The. Freaking. Time.
Since a very early age, I was taught that everything I felt, thought, said, observed, etc. was incorrect.
It's a very difficult concept/experience to explain, even to therapists...and I had one psychologist do a lot of damage, actually, but I've since found ones who helped me see this.
I used to try to explain it with this analogy: if I said that the sky was blue, my FOO would angrily scream that I was wrong and the crazy one, because any idiot knows that the sky is green. I would silently stare at the blue sky, cry, and just shut down because nothing made sense. It was all a big mind f*ck, excuse the french.
I had a very kind therapist validate me, but he kept telling me that I had to learn self-validation. I had another therapist tell me, "Centered, if I lined up people from one coast to the other and they all told you that "it's not you", you still wouldn't believe it. It has to come from within."
It's not an easy thing for those of us who experienced these sort of things. But it's absolutely key. Being taught to doubt one's perceptions from an early age is so damaging, but we CAN get past it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Originally Posted by Centered3 
I'm confused is this thread about Adult children of alcoholics or about Partners? I was writing from a parent-child experience. Sorry.
Threads tend to wander as everybody throws in their experience. It did start out about ACoA perspectives, but it wandered. Wander all you want, start a new thread if you want. We're very "low pressure" around here
Mike
Moderator, SR
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
For most of my life, I was a Gaslighter's wet dream.
A BIG part of my recovery now is just what you folks are describing. I have to say that living my truth free from worry about the opinions of others is extremely liberating!!!
Thanks for this thread. Very helpful!!!
A BIG part of my recovery now is just what you folks are describing. I have to say that living my truth free from worry about the opinions of others is extremely liberating!!!
Thanks for this thread. Very helpful!!!
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