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Not sure this belongs here but...

Old 05-11-2016, 04:33 PM
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Not sure this belongs here but...

So, my mom is an alcoholic. My dad was not present in my life, and my mom didn't raise me. My grandparents raised me until I was 14, when I was 12 my grandfather was inappropriate with me - touching me. No one believed me. So you can see why I had "daddy issues".
I married a cheating alcoholic and when things were at their worst, our parish priest was there. He seemed wonderful and called me his daughter and counseled us and kept my husband in line. But after a while, he would say mean things to me and I, being the good ACoA that really wanted a father, would cry and then try harder to be a good daughter. It went on for years until I finally broke free. He was the first one I broke free of, then it was my (ex) husband, then my alcoholic mom. I don't talk to any of them now. He emailed me last week, he was good friends with my daughter's god-father (who stopped speaking to us after I sent my email to said priest, outlining why I couldn't take his manipulations and meanness anymore - 5 years ago now). My daughter's godfather has passed away. Said priest sent an email stating that he "had something for <daughter> from <godfather>". It was strange so I contacted an old friend who told me that <godfather> had passed away. Now I am trying to make arrangements to pick whatever this is up and my schedule is BUSY! I WORK! (He doesn't, even as a priest he is mostly retired). I can see the manipulation, doesn't offer an alternative, just says "I am busy then" to every day/time I offer. Just had to vent. And say that I am so glad my eyes are open now and my life is better for kicking those manipulative people (alcoholics or not) to the curb. And I wonder what the heck it is he even has... more later...
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Old 05-11-2016, 05:02 PM
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He accepted a time for next week. I guess it just makes me mad to remember how vulnerable I was and how he took advantage of that for so long. Mad at myself mostly but my (wonderful) fiance says it's pretty normal for victims of abuse to blame themselves. Which made me realize I should be mad at the abuser (emotional abuse but still abuse).
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Old 05-11-2016, 06:27 PM
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Have you thought about sending your fiancÚ, aj? I'm not sure what we would be considered the correct suggestion and hopefully somebody with more recovery here can help. But obviously this is bringing up a lot of historical stuff for you. It's good that you have got a supportive partner there with you too now.
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Old 05-11-2016, 06:48 PM
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Hello there ajarlson,

Originally Posted by ajarlson View Post
....Not sure this belongs here but. ....
You belong here just fine, no worries at all, you are welcom in our quiet little corner of recovery.

Oh, and by the way, it is _very_ quiet around here. The "regulars" check in about once a week so if you don't get any replies it's because peeps are busy out in the real world building a new life for themselves. They'll come by eventually.

Originally Posted by ajarlson View Post
....my mom is an alcoholic. My dad was not present in my life, and my mom didn't raise me. ....
My parents were the other way around. My father was the drinker and my mother had not interest in children.

Originally Posted by ajarlson View Post
....I married a cheating alcoholic and . ....
If you browse around this forum you'll see that a lot of us do that. I, too, felt most comfortable with dysfunctional people. "Normal" people were so _different_ from anything I had ever experienced that they look weird to me, if that makes any sense.

Originally Posted by ajarlson View Post
.... He was the first one I broke free of, then it was my (ex) husband, then my alcoholic mom....
Good on you. Sounds like you've done a huge amount of work in your recovery.

Originally Posted by ajarlson View Post
.... Mad at myself mostly but my (wonderful) fiance says it's pretty normal for victims of abuse to blame themselves.....
Yeah, I did that for a long time.

Originally Posted by ajarlson View Post
....Which made me realize I should be mad at the abuser ....
I think you are more than justified in being mad at _all_ those abusers. They took advantage of a child, of a person who was unable to protect themselves.

Did you say a "fiance"? Way cool and congratulations

Mike
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Old 05-11-2016, 06:52 PM
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If it were me, I'd make sure I was meeting this priest on *my* terms, and not his... And, I would bring my fiance, or at least a second person - and- I hate to say this, but a man - to meet this priest. [And this is coming from someone who is very involved in a local Catholic parish, but I don't care at all for these types of priests.]
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Old 05-11-2016, 09:01 PM
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Thanks everyone! I have suggested to my fiance (yes he is wonderful yay!) that he come with but he was afraid he might get arrested LOL
All kidding aside, my daughter and I will go, be cordial, get whatever he has for her and be on our way and I will survive, but I am NOT looking forward to it. Only doing it for her.
And yes, he took advantage of someone he knew was vulnerable especially since he was counseling us, in SO many ways. But I did break free from all that with a lot of counseling and a lot of love.
And the less I care about making sure people love me, the more I am able to fully realize the love I have for all the really wonderful people in my life, but it's a journey for sure.
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