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feebell 04-22-2016 06:13 AM

Scared of Relapse
Hi folks, so my RAM is just over one year sober and doing extremely well, very proud of her, however, I keep having these moments of high anxiety and panic over the thought of her relapsing! I don't know why as she has shown no concern to me or my family of relapsing at this present time or anytime in the last year. She is working her SMART recovery day by day, attending meetings 4 times a week, getting on with her life and not depending on us as a family to make sure she is kept busy, she's doing her own thing. We have also just found out that my brothers wife is pregnant so she will be a granny for the first time, which she is super excited about. Like I said I have no reason to feel like this but I do and it's starting to get me down. I'm also starting to feel resentment towards her and again I'm not sure why and I'm planning in my head what I'm going to do if she does relapse, it's like everything I thought I'd come to terms with is raising its little head again! Anyone else felt like this after 1 years sobriety from their addict??

Fee X

CodeJob 04-22-2016 11:27 AM

Hello Feebell,

One thing that helped me see the behavior patterns in my FOO and marriage were Karpman Drama Triangles. If you search online, there are some articles that also utilize the triangles with an addiction emphasis. It is likely you are unsure of your role without the drama of active addiction that is making you anxious and alert.

Once I saw my preferred corners in the triangle, I could find my way out of thought & behavior patterns much quicker.

Good luck.

oldsoul1122 04-22-2016 11:43 AM

Relapsing was the topic at a recent meeting. In my opinion it has to have a lot to do with fear instead of having faith in the person/method that they're using to stay sober. I'm using this on myself, to believe and have faith to ease the little feelings of fear that crop up.

Catherim 04-22-2016 10:40 PM

I also used to have so much fear, anxiety, and over all uneasy feelings...especially when something seemed good. Good things rarely seemed to happen and when it did I didn't want it to end.
However, we can't control people or outcomes. Your mom may or may not relapse. Either way it's out of your control. Enjoy her sobriety today and let go of the future you have no control of. Give your fears to whoever or whatever your higher power is.

You will be ok regardless of the choices your mom makes.

A motto I live by is that my happiness and self worth is dependent on no one. I have to give that to myself.

feebell 04-25-2016 01:21 AM

Thanks to all that commented, very much appreciated. You are all right I have no control of what happens and only have control of myself. I think also that I am unsure of my role now as I was always the one trying to fix her or fighting her battles for her but now I've taken a step back and I'm feeling lost! I should enjoy this time day by day and if relapse does occur then that's on her head not mines, her choice is hers regardless of what I say/do.


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