Trapezoid

It happens less frequently now, but once in a while I get . . . angry (to say the very least). Actually, I think it goes beyond anger into outright hate. The kind of hate that brings tears. The kind of seething, venomous hate that keeps one up at night. Larry (my "father," though I've disowned him as such) died two years ago, and I still dream about glorious, violent, sadistic revenge. I mean that literally; I have dreams at night in which he is still alive, and I remedy that problem. The feeling lies dormant most of the time, but it flares up without warning. The trigger is usually seeing some program on TV about the power of forgiveness, and how we should all be loving and happy and all that crap . . . I can't stand it. It sets me off, and I spend the next several days just broiling. I don't know why that sets me off. It just always seems to me like they're suggesting I just deny my feelings, or that I'm somehow wrong for being furious, because after all, "it's a disease," and I should lighten up or something. I find that sort of insistence on forgiveness insulting and belittling, and most of all it sounds like they're trying to defend "the enemy," and I can't take it.

They say it's all right, and that I should learn to give people the benefit of the doubt, and learn to trust everyone, but I can't and I don't know that that's a bad thing. I can't forgive Larry either, because I don't know how else to feel toward him except angry. What am I supposed to do, love him? Why should I waste my love on that ?

I find that I generally don't like drunks on a very personal level. I refuse to go to parties and other social gatherings because I know that someone is going to be drinking at them.

And above it all, I hear the general call for forgiveness and acceptance and love toward the enemy and all that hippie crap, and it makes me want to scream.

Gabe

You can't get to forgiveness until you work through your anger. Sounds like you're still working through. So go ahead, be angry at Larry. Write it out. Put an empty chair in the middle of the room, imagine him in it, and tell him off. Work through that anger. But eventually, you have to get to the other side of it. If not, you will carry it around for the rest of your life. Anger takes up a lot of energy. And that energy is better spent on other, more positive things.

SANDRA13

How Do You Cope With Someone Who Is Still In Your Life My Dad Is Still An Alocholic . Why Do I Get So Angry That He Drinks ? I Really Feel Like Im Never Going To Be Happy Like This Anger Is Going To Overtake Me And Im Going To Lose My Family I Get So Made At Them And Its Not Their Fault I Need To Learn How To Figure Out How To Let It Out Right

lonlion

We don't forgive for them, we forgive for ourselves.

splendra

SOmetimes we can get to a point to where we can say to ourselves oh well they did the best they could or knew how to do and reach a point of forgiveness. Sometimes we reach a point that we know it is not good for us to carry that anger and we decide to let it go and forgive for the bennifit of our own spirit.
I can think of only one person that I felt total contempt for in my whole life to the point of tears I felt so much hate!!!It was the most awful experience of my life!!! Someone sugested that I start praying for this person and I did. I prayed that my contempt would turn to compassion and my anger to peace and it took a while but I made it out of that hole. I am so glad that I reached a point of forgiveness for my own sake. I hope you can make it out too. It is only hurting you not him.

SoonerCatholic

I have to completely agree with you on that one. I hate the disease theory of alcoholism. It takes the blame off of the person and places it on the disease. I believe the disease theory is the root cause of why my father still drinks to this day.

corky

Hi there. I just read your posting about being so angry. My mother is an alcoholic. My father committed suicide when I was 9 yrs. old, so she was a single mother. I had SOOOO much anger. I went to college and use to have dreams where she would show up (halfway across the US). She would show up and I would get huge anxiety, fear and anger. She is still living now. She definitely drinks less and doesn't do the Jekyl and Hide thing nearly as much. The anger was still there for the longest time....and sometimes it still is. It would take something small to really set me off. I started to see a therapist. She helped me realize that through this anger I was still giving my mother my power. I was still allowing her to control me. She didn't give a ****. She was living her life and thinking she was just fine. I was still suffering with the anger, betrayal and injustice of the whole situation. She won't change. When I realized that I was still allowing her to control me I had to figure out a way to let it go so that I could break out of the prison. I totally agree that they should take responsibility for their actions. It's lame to continue at the expense of your children. It's just plain WRONG. I'm not exactly sure how i got there, but i just kept working with my therapist (it took me 2 tries to find one that i could really relate to) and now i don't feel that anger nearly as much. I still think my mother was wrong, but I have learned empathy and sympathy for the situation....something I NEVER thought I would be able to do. i didn't want to. i wanted her to realize that she was screwed up. the problem is.....she won't....they don't change and if we don't find a way to forgiveness we remain in the prison they set up in the first place. Claim your life! It's no longer your father's to control. I am sorry for your pain. I know how difficult it is. you will get through it if you try and your relationships will be so much better for it.

Gabe

Beautiful Corky, glad you joined us.