Trying to forgive
"Tonight I Wanna Cry"
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 268
Trying to forgive
I'm trying to find it in my heart to forgive my dad for his drinking. It's a big step to overcome, and I don't know if I can forgive him. Many times he ruined my life, and to this day I still think about what he did.. My HP needs to give me the strength that I need 
:rose
:rose
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hey there KC :-)
That's a real hard one for me. Some days I do better than others. Here's what I do that has been a big help, see if any of it works for you.
- Forgiveness means letting go. Letting go of resentment, hate, anger and the desire that someday they will apologize for all they did to me and my siblings.
- Letting go does _not_ mean forgetting, enabling, covering up or allowing any harm to continue.
- I came to believe that the reason my parents did what they did is because they were full of hatred. Hatred of themselves, their parents (my grand parents) and the whole world around them. My parents were born innocent children, just as I was. It was hatred that turned them into monsters. If I fail to release the hate, I too will become a monster.
- I came to believe that I am powerless over my past. That trying to somehow change my past has made my life unmanageable. What I _can_ change is my future, and I do that by working my program _today_.
- I have no power that will make my parents change, or anybody else for that matter. It is _their_ responsibility to take care of their own lives. Most of my "maladaptive behaviors" were created as attempts to control the insanity of my family. My attempts to make them apologize are just another form of attempting control. In turn that is just a different flavor of continuing the chaos that was so harmful to my "inner child".
- I made it clear to my familty that they were to stay away from my kids and grandkids. That I would protect them from harm the way they never protected me.
Whadya think?
Mike :-)
Originally Posted by KcCrystal
I'm trying to find it in my heart to forgive my dad for his drinking. It's a big step to overcome, and I don't know if I can forgive him. Many times he ruined my life, and to this day I still think about what he did.. My HP needs to give me the strength that I need :rose
:rose- Forgiveness means letting go. Letting go of resentment, hate, anger and the desire that someday they will apologize for all they did to me and my siblings.
- Letting go does _not_ mean forgetting, enabling, covering up or allowing any harm to continue.
- I came to believe that the reason my parents did what they did is because they were full of hatred. Hatred of themselves, their parents (my grand parents) and the whole world around them. My parents were born innocent children, just as I was. It was hatred that turned them into monsters. If I fail to release the hate, I too will become a monster.
- I came to believe that I am powerless over my past. That trying to somehow change my past has made my life unmanageable. What I _can_ change is my future, and I do that by working my program _today_.
- I have no power that will make my parents change, or anybody else for that matter. It is _their_ responsibility to take care of their own lives. Most of my "maladaptive behaviors" were created as attempts to control the insanity of my family. My attempts to make them apologize are just another form of attempting control. In turn that is just a different flavor of continuing the chaos that was so harmful to my "inner child".
- I made it clear to my familty that they were to stay away from my kids and grandkids. That I would protect them from harm the way they never protected me.
Whadya think?
Mike :-)
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