ACA Loving a Recovered Alcoholic
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Clearwater, FL
Posts: 81
ACA Loving a Recovered Alcoholic
Hi All!!
A major part of trying to recover from being an ACA is a need to be able to be in a normal relationship.
I know that my realtionship with my B/F is not healthy. Long story. He is a recovered alcoholic. He quit 20 years ago. However, he never worked the program or got therapy for alcoholism.
Here I am, thinking I am with someone good for me because he doesn't drink. Now I am thinking that this is a mistake because he really is an alcoholic and never got help for his problem. He says he quit cold turkey by locking himself in his dorm room when he was in the Air Force.
I feel like an idiot. I was thinking this was good and I am not falling into the typical pattern of loving an addict and low and behold, he is still an addict.
What do you guys think? Is it even good for us to be with non-drinking alcoholics?
A major part of trying to recover from being an ACA is a need to be able to be in a normal relationship.
I know that my realtionship with my B/F is not healthy. Long story. He is a recovered alcoholic. He quit 20 years ago. However, he never worked the program or got therapy for alcoholism.
Here I am, thinking I am with someone good for me because he doesn't drink. Now I am thinking that this is a mistake because he really is an alcoholic and never got help for his problem. He says he quit cold turkey by locking himself in his dorm room when he was in the Air Force.
I feel like an idiot. I was thinking this was good and I am not falling into the typical pattern of loving an addict and low and behold, he is still an addict.
What do you guys think? Is it even good for us to be with non-drinking alcoholics?
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Hi Star,
First of all, you aren't an idiot. Everyone has a tendency in life to gravitate toward familiar people or situations, and even though your b/f doesn't drink, something about him was familiar and comfortable to you. Unfortunately, what's comfortable may not always be good for us. However, that doesn't mean the relationship is a mistake b/c everyone is put in our lives for a reason.
Whether or not it's good or bad being with this person b/c he's a recovering alcoholic isn't the issue. The real question is, are you taking care of yourself? Have you established healthy boundaries? Is this relationship meeting your needs? If you're doing ok, then his non-drinking or alcoholic status doesn't matter.
Take care of you,
JG
First of all, you aren't an idiot. Everyone has a tendency in life to gravitate toward familiar people or situations, and even though your b/f doesn't drink, something about him was familiar and comfortable to you. Unfortunately, what's comfortable may not always be good for us. However, that doesn't mean the relationship is a mistake b/c everyone is put in our lives for a reason.
Whether or not it's good or bad being with this person b/c he's a recovering alcoholic isn't the issue. The real question is, are you taking care of yourself? Have you established healthy boundaries? Is this relationship meeting your needs? If you're doing ok, then his non-drinking or alcoholic status doesn't matter.
Take care of you,
JG
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Originally Posted by rozzalee1954
same selfish self centered people just aren't drinking.....
Star, quit beating yourself up. His issues are not your fault.
The fact that you realize there are problems in the relationship is a good thing. That is the first step in working towards healing what's wrong.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Clearwater, FL
Posts: 81
I don't think he is self centered, he just has self destructive habits. It is like he is afraid of doing normal things like having a bank account, buying a car, and going to the doctor. I can't get through to him that it is okay and normal to do these things. He just says, I'm not normal.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
