A high class wino
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
A high class wino
Trudging along on the happy road to recovery I reach Charateristic #6
6. Adult children of alcoholics take themselves very seriously.
Having come from a nutball-crazy family it makes sense. There never was any fun time, any laughter. Life was just one out-of-control race to dodge whatever drunk was having a fit that day. I never learned how to laugh, or what happiness felt like. When every moment of your life is spent wondering if you're going to die, it can be very dangerous _not_ to be serious.
Once I got away from that environment it was like shaking a beer and popping the lid. I became completely the opposite. Party to the max. Accompanied by vast amounts of "recreational chemicals" :-) THey were my "anti-depresants", and allowed me to shed the oppresive inhibitions of my childhood and live life among the living.
'course, that didn't last. The chemicals quickly did their "progression" thing and I wound up a wino living in a trash dumpster. Note that I considered myself a higher class of wino, as I had a place to live. I was not homeless, not technically anyway <lol>
In sobriety it took me awhile to let go of those old reflexes, habits and feelings. I had to do oddball things at first, like sleep on the floor. Without some kind of anti-depresant there were just too many nightmares associated with beds and couches and furniture. Some exceptionally kind people in the program forced a matress into my apartment, which was my first step into losing the old fears. Later they brought a couch, and a chair, and a table. They practically furnished my entire "efficiency" apartment <lol> When I eventually was able to tease them and say that they were just using my place as their storage bin for old junk I realized that I had healed both from the fear, and from taking myself too seriously :-)
Mike :-)
p.s. I sleep in a real bed now ;-)
6. Adult children of alcoholics take themselves very seriously.
Having come from a nutball-crazy family it makes sense. There never was any fun time, any laughter. Life was just one out-of-control race to dodge whatever drunk was having a fit that day. I never learned how to laugh, or what happiness felt like. When every moment of your life is spent wondering if you're going to die, it can be very dangerous _not_ to be serious.
Once I got away from that environment it was like shaking a beer and popping the lid. I became completely the opposite. Party to the max. Accompanied by vast amounts of "recreational chemicals" :-) THey were my "anti-depresants", and allowed me to shed the oppresive inhibitions of my childhood and live life among the living.
'course, that didn't last. The chemicals quickly did their "progression" thing and I wound up a wino living in a trash dumpster. Note that I considered myself a higher class of wino, as I had a place to live. I was not homeless, not technically anyway <lol>
In sobriety it took me awhile to let go of those old reflexes, habits and feelings. I had to do oddball things at first, like sleep on the floor. Without some kind of anti-depresant there were just too many nightmares associated with beds and couches and furniture. Some exceptionally kind people in the program forced a matress into my apartment, which was my first step into losing the old fears. Later they brought a couch, and a chair, and a table. They practically furnished my entire "efficiency" apartment <lol> When I eventually was able to tease them and say that they were just using my place as their storage bin for old junk I realized that I had healed both from the fear, and from taking myself too seriously :-)
Mike :-)
p.s. I sleep in a real bed now ;-)
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Mike,
My family never had fun either. They always planned to have fun, but I was never taught how to live in the now, so fun was always in the future, or the past. I kept missing the experience. Living one day at a time has taught me that life is what we make it. There is fun to be had and opportunities each day if I am looking for them. Hugs, Magic
My family never had fun either. They always planned to have fun, but I was never taught how to live in the now, so fun was always in the future, or the past. I kept missing the experience. Living one day at a time has taught me that life is what we make it. There is fun to be had and opportunities each day if I am looking for them. Hugs, Magic
imnotcrazyimjustalittleun well
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: nowhere
Posts: 9
hey mike. amazing story. i like the shaken beer analogy. that was me too. i was always picking up the pieces at home...being the adult. once i got ahold of liquor i came undone so to speak. it was my escape. even in sobriety i find i am still way too serious but i am only 2.5 years sober.
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