littlelotte

Okay, so I had written everything all out, but got logged out, so I'm not gonna do it again. But here are the basics:

• I'm 20, so a lil on the younger side, hello!

• I have two siblings (older sister, younger brother)

• Dad is an alcoholic (on and off since college)

• Just found out a week ago

• He was never violent or mean (very kind, actually. his drinking manifested in exhaustion and being kind of 'out of it'. from what my mom told me, it started to affect his work, which is what caused him to go to rehab)

• He entered a treatment center a week ago (we basically found out right before mom took him there)

• My parents are pretty secretive about it all, they're pretty secretive about all unpleasant things in our lives (to protect us, I think)

• I don't want them to be secretive though because I want to know what's going on

• Would it be okay if I asked my mom if I can ask my dad about his alcoholism? (We're very similar and we've always connected really well. I already told him I don't think any less of him, but I admire him for seeking out help)

• We got to visit him today and it went really well. I could tell a huge difference, and it made me realize just how bad things were before.

• I identify with all 13 of the characteristics of ACoA listed on the sticky, but I feel strange about it because I had a good childhood. So I'm not sure if I even belong here in the first place? My situation is relatively decent, and I've never truly had traumatic experiences from my dad's alcoholism (maybe because I didn't realize he had it, but, like I said, he was never a mean drunk, and I always figured his exhaustion was from work because he has a very demanding job).

I've been lucky, but I did just need to get this all out and maybe hear from people who "get it." Thank you for reading, I do feel a little better now

happybeingme

Hi! Welcome to the forum. I am glad you found us.

There is no test that you have to pass that says you had to have a life that was bad enough to belong. You are an adult and you have family dysfunction. You deserve to be here.

Identifying with the traits and having parents that ' protected you're from your dad's alcoholism are classic signs of the dysfunctional family.

It is great that your dad has sought help in a rehab facility. It can be a great start to lasting sobriety. I don't blame you for wanting to talk to your dad about his alcoholism. Just keep in mind that right now the rehab center probably has a format for that kind of thing. I definitely suggest you read around these forums and educate yourself as much as you can. Alcoholism is complicated. Finding an ACOA or Al-Anon meeting for yourself may be a good thing for you to do.

Anyway. Welcome again. I am glad you found us.

Kialua

Welcome. The secrets. That always gets me. It's the elephant in the room that no one is supposed to see. Then everyone plays their part dancing around it. I don't think it does anyone any good to try to protect someone from the alcoholic. But they aren't perfect and unless they have gone through treatment they don't know what to do or how to do it. I hope you find relief here. We do get it.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Littlelotte!!

It sounds very positive that your dad is seeking help and making progress, many don't get that far, so find a lot of comfort in the taking of positive action to turn things around.

My parent's didn't talk about my dad's alcoholism at all, firstly my dad didn't admit he was an alcoholic, and my mum I think was too embarrassed, the threat of her marriage collapsing around her, how would that look to others? to neighbours? her social circle? they seemed to be all happily married without a problem, there's definitely a lot of stigma attached to alcoholism.

Take it slow, your dad will hopefully come out the other side a new man, and you'll have all the time in the world to chat and look back on this decision that he's taken in his life, especially when at present his daily focus is hanging onto Sobriety, and starting out on a new not only physical, but also a mental and emotional journey, and having lived on that side of the fence also, it can be quite a rough ride in the beginning adjusting to a life without alcohol.

You'll find loads of support here on SR, lean on us when you need us!!

Hopeful22

I agree that its always the elephant in the room. My father is an 81 year old alcoholic and has been actively drinking for years. It is never talked about because he prefers to lie about it and hide it(part of the disease) and my codependent mother hides it because she enables him and doesnt want anyone to know. It embarrasses her and she represses her anger and rages at others for the situation. She cannot control my fathers drinking but still thinks she can.

Its great that you are here. You will find others in your situation here. Its a safe place to talk about it.
Sometimes you need a sane place to go and talk to escape the insanity of the disease and to get back to focusing on yourself instead of the family dysfunction.
I am angry because my family tried to drag me back in the chaos tonight.
That is what alcoholic families are very good at... Creating chaos because the alcoholic has to create that constantly to feel in control.
Welcome to the group. I hope you find comfort here.

Kialua

Hopeful22, my dad went into treatment at 80! for the first time in his life and it worked. It was treatment or jail time for running around with a rifle threatening people including my mom. So. You never know.