makomago

My mum, the alcoholic, now suffers from the effects of her drinking by way of korsakoff syndrome and alcoholic dementia.

Her depression returned not so long back too and she's been a real pain, being violent toward her partner (he is 86)) she is 79. This has stabilised since the doc upped the medication.

However, the mental health nurse who visits did some memory checks and some depression questionnaire, I sat through this with my mum and she spoke of the number of times (before my birth) of being locked away with mental problems... This I knew.

However, she confirmed something I'd often suspected and that is how during one of these stays in the mental hospital she was subjected to electric shock therapy.

It bought a tear to my eyes to have this confirmed... Her description to the nurse was not pretty.

I can't help wonder if it helped or helped make her worse. Whatever, it didn't help her depression enough to stop her drinking, but then I suspect that depression was probably a bad diagnosis.

biminiblue

EST works (worked) for some people. It was a recommended therapy and there's really no way to know if it made things better or worse, so I hope you can let go of that thought. Also, I would gently point out as a recovering alcoholic myself that I made up and exaggerated a lot of stuff to make myself a more sympathetic character in the drama I was creating and directing. The delusions caused by continued alcoholic drinking cannot be understood unless one has lived through them and come out the other side.

I'm very sorry you are witnessing the decline of your mother, but maybe accept that some of it may not even be true and there is no way for you to know what is and what isn't. I think all you can do is listen and accept that this is who she is and it is a very sad condition that you cannot heal.

happybeingme

Unfortunately, back in those days ECT was a common treatment for depression. Now it is the treatment of last resort. They also didn't anesthetize the patient back then. They do it now. It was a horribly sad thing. I am sorry your mum went through this. But many did. I also suspect that her alcoholism may not be directly related to the depression. She may have/had other issues as well.

makomago

Yeah, it worked for some, I surprised to learn it's still working for some.

One of the effects, I'm reliably informed, is the inability to recall events prior to the treatment.

I suspect my other is aca probably disciplinarian, rigidly harsh father, controlling, emotionally ill mother.

So the inability to get back to causes and conditions (as suggested in the aa big book) would be denied her due to memory loss. Of course that assumes she found her way to recovery and her myriad of other problems made that very unlikely. Her character defects were myriad too, which is not surprising for an alcoholic. But I don't blame someone for something they are powerless over.

I don't let go of the thought either because it is important for me to know what i'm dealing with so a/ I know when and if I can help (assuming I chose to) and 2/ I get her appropriate help when/if I get her help.

I don't need to let go of the thought either because I do accept that it is what it is and I can't change the past. I don't find curiosity troublesome though, when I know what might have been I can measure my losses and recover. I try and refrain from ignorance and denial as best as I'm able.

As for her making stuff up... You know she has done a lot of that over the years. I'm familiar with the alcoholic games having played them myself and having been brought up by them including alcoholic and mentally ill grandparents!

But such is her mental state that she is bizarrely capable of honesty these days. Including for example recently having been threatening suicide by way of over dose, I decided to intervene and go round - I suppose on a sort of rescue mission, actually to remove the tablets - but when I discussed it with her she said "I don't worry, I won't do it, I just say it for attention"... She'd kind of regressed to a childhood state I was brutally honest like a toddler who'd rather be honest than lie. Very weird, quite annoying, yet somehow refreshing.

Korsakoff syndrome is a weird old thing to deal with and watch. Those alcoholics I hear in meetings who say things like "this could kill me" haven't seem the worst effects, death is an easier softer way,

Mark

makomago

My goodness yes... She did and does have many other issues. It's layer upon layer of stuff. One of the was too big for her to ever confront and she must have decided at some point (consciously or sub consciously) that dissociation and denial was the way to deal with and all subsequent events.

For sure shame and codependence will be at the route, for sure the mistaken belief that she is responsible for another's feelings and they hers will be in her flawed thing, for sure she'll have the mistaken belief that she is not responsible, or capable of making herself happy, for sure she'll be hiding her true self and abandoning her inner child.... For such is the life of many addicts.

It's just a surprise I turned out so well :-) I can hear you laughing happy, stop it!,! I was having a serious moment of denial and bs. Let me have my delusions will ya....

happybeingme

Ya know, you are dealing with things with grace and dignity. That is a beautiful thing to see. Just keep going forward.

The actress Carrie Fisher ( from Star Wars) had ECT a while back for her depression. She said it cured it for her. She has memory loss as well. I don't know if she has written about it. I suspect she has. If your curious you may want to check into it.

tromboneliness

My Mom had shock treatment in the '60s, when she was severely bipolar and there weren't really that many meds yet. She said later that she felt it damaged her memory somewhat -- she had a pretty good memory, but she said it used to be better before the ECT burned out a few circuits. The treatment they use nowadays is much more accurate and milder, or so I gather.

T