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Mother alcoholic help

Old 09-07-2015, 06:19 PM
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Mother alcoholic help

Hi, I'm new to this forum and wondered if anyone could offer any advice.
Our mother has been an alcoholic for over 10 years. This year is the first year she will be home alone everyday as we are all working/in uni. We are all really worried as to what might happen because no one will be there for her.
Is there anything we can do?
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Old 09-08-2015, 01:00 AM
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You're not alone. Many of us have taken on the responsibility of living for another person as their disease swirls them down the drain. What helped me was the three C's - I didn't cause it, can't control it, and can't cure it. Learning about enabling, setting boundaries, and working to let your loved one experience consequences of their behavior can't cause them to become sober...but, at least, in my opinion, you can at least not contribute to the disease (hide them from their horrible behavior - fix things for them - make excuses for them - ya know, what we loved ones do - they wrap around the alcohol and we wrap ourselves around them). We can help the denial stay in place by participating in that as well.

My best advice is to read on this forum. Consider attending a 12-step group (such as Al-anon). Although you can't figure out how to fix your loved ones behavior, you CAN figure out how to heal yourself. The disease is like dropping a grenade in the middle of the family. You very likely are suffering from the damage of the explosion and need some help yourself. Take good care of you. Live by example.

Just my two cents - take what you like and leave the rest.
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Old 09-08-2015, 01:47 AM
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Hi , As an alcoholic parent of 3 grown ups ( daughter 32 ,two sons 33 ,22) I would like to add a bit of my experience with them in the later years of my boozing . None of them EVER sympathized with me and while none of them are generally angry kids they did show a degree of verbal anger( I wasn,t a violent or troublesome drunk It was the fact that I lay around doing nothing either being in withdrawals or drinking my way out of them that bothered them ) if I overdid a binge which was quite often . They would remind me that "Mum doesnt need this s***t " or " get a grip and be man " etc etc . The things they threw at me were stern but every word was true . It is my belief that they were showing tough love and their actions did help in me " get a grip " . As an alcoholic I would have played on mollycoddling and they knew that .
I got sober for 2 years 2008 -10 but tried to drink normally but as any alcoholic on here will tell you it doesn't work .
Im now on day 13 sober and loving every minute with All of my family in and out the house . My youngest son is still at home .
Alcoholism is a family illness but the thing is the alcoholic DOES have a choice to be well ( sober) .I have lots of guilt and regrets to deal with but will work through this in time .

Can I suggest that you keep coming here and learn what you can , and as thotful says " take what you want out of it and leave the rest " .

Also please know that you or your Mum are not alone . the people around here will do everything they can to help .
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Old 09-08-2015, 02:24 AM
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Originally Posted by Tam.S View Post
Hi , As an alcoholic parent of 3 grown ups ( daughter 32 ,two sons 33 ,22)
Alcoholism is a family illness but the thing is the alcoholic DOES have a choice to be well ( sober) .
I know choice is a very very very difficult choice and may require medical assistance but its still doable . Ive saw street alcoholics in my village turn their life around .
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