justbeachy

I've been N/C with my mom for about 2 months. This morning she texted me asking if she can call me this weekend to talk. I have the flu so I said I'd get back to her. I don't know what to do. I do miss her sometimes, but I really doubt she's changed anything and is going to try to manipulate me into having a relationship again. I might be wrong. Should I give her a chance? Should I talk to her and if so, what do I say? Any help is much appreciated.

happybeingme

I just did a quick peek at your previous threads. It looks like no contact, want to have a talk, is a recurring theme with your mother. Do you feel that you will benefit in any way having a talk with your mother? This is probably just more of the same crazy.

I went no contact with my mom a year ago. The first few months were tough. I couldn't stop thinking about her, worry about her, and so on. It was a mental nightmare. But, today I am so glad I never caved. I have never felt so free as I do today. At times I am sad that I never had a real mom but it happened that way and nothing can change it. So, my relationship with her is over and I am grateful.

AnvilheadII

could you ask her to send an email? if YOU don't want to talk, YOU don't have to.

sorry you've had the flu. that sounds awful especially in summer.

MikeH

I agree with happybeingme. You've shown your mom a lot of patience and she still is not "getting with the program." Take a look at your 1st post here a little more than 2 years ago: what's changed?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4034704

I went NC with my mother about 5 years ago and it was one of the the best things I ever did, although it was made easier since she was 15 years into Alzheimer's.

You need to take care of yourself 1st, and your mom wants you to take care of her 1st... Sorry to say this, because it sounds depressing to me even as I type this, but both of those will not happen: take your choice. You are in a difficult dilemma.

KissMyTiara

I would talk to her. You never know when the "sober moment" happens. Even after a few years it could have in the last two months. Give her a chance. If it doesn't work out say goodbye again. I don't know but I could never give up on my Mom no matter what. I would regret it.

Kialua

Well most of us don't want to give up on our moms and dads, but they have actually given up on us and we just reach a point that we can't take it anymore.

justbeachy it's up to you to set how much contact you can handle. Some can handle more than others. I emotionally disconnected from my folks at a young age. I continued limited contact never expecting much from either parent and never got much. But that worked for me. I would just say be careful.

justbeachy

You all are wonderful, I thank you for the advice and support. I did ask my mom to write to me what she wanted to talk about, she did and it was clear that nothing has changed. I wrote back that I need distance to take care of myself and that I hope she will take care of herself too by getting some help. I don't know if she will do it or not, but hard as it was, I stood my ground. I'm not giving up on her-she's in my heart- but I can't be in contact with her in her current state. It is hard, but I know it is right to stay separated from her. You guys helped me get some much needed perspective. Thanks again!

thotful

Yes, there are different levels of contact we can define based on our comfort level. It's not a black and white, you're in my life full-on, and the opposite extreme of never speak to me or see me again.

With one sibling, I basically decided that e-mails from him were OK, but not in-person face-to-face contact (he doesn't want to be around my wife). In order for in-person to occur, I would need to be convinced that he has love, support, and acceptance of me, my wife, and my family to offer. Anything less, and my boundary goes up again to restrict the contact back to just e-mail.