Sister3

My counselor wants me to go to alanon to try it. He thinks being around other people with similar experiences might help me. I'm scared it may trigger certain things...what do you think? I basically became a mom at 9 yrs old, both my sisters (18 & 24) are heroin addicts, my dads dying of pancreatic cancer. And my mom has been an alcoholic as far back as I can remember. I take on all the guilt and responsibility of my sisters. I need help

DoubleDragons

I didn't find alanon particularly helpful, as in my area it seemed pretty centered around people with spouses who are alcoholics and my alcoholic is my mother. That being said, I have found a lot of alanon publications to be helpful. The bottom line of alanon is to stop taking on everyone else's problems and make yourself the focus. The first three steps are 1.) I can't. 2.) My higher power CAN. 3) Surrender to my higher power. Get out of His/Her way and Let Him/Her take care of everything.

The best thing that you can do for your family is love them, pray for them, but give them back all of their issues/lives to solve. You are under a great deal of stress. Your job is to deal with your stress, your mind, your soul, your body. The universe is so much bigger than your family's problems. Surrender their problems to the amazing, all powerful, all-knowing universe and help It by taking good care of Yourself!!!

PurpleKnight

Al-Anon I found helpful, but I agree with DD that it was more spouse orientated, whereas I was there because my dad was an alcoholic.

I did though find Alateen when I was much younger an even greater help, it was full of likeminded people in the same situation, loads of teenagers with alcoholic parents!!

CodeJob

I was able to attend a day meeting. We had a nice mix of men and women. We had people attending for spouses, parents, and adult kids. But it really does not matter who the addict is, the focus is on figuring out how to let go of their issues and start dealing with your own. For some people Al Anon is a very handy social resource because they get your problem. They've been there or they are in a similar crisis as you...

honeypig

And for some of us whose world has grown so small over the years of living w/an active A, it's a place to find a friend or two. It's scary when you need someone to bring you back from the garage after dropping your car off and you realize you can't think of a single person....

As far as "triggering" things, I would think that's somewhat unlikely. People do not generally talk about their A's or what they do/did. Meetings I've been to have focused, by far, more on the positive side--people share their OWN experience, strength and hope rather than sitting around bemoaning how awful things are. You also don't have to speak about anything you don't want to--in fact, you don't have to speak AT ALL if you don't want to.

You know what they say, take what you like and leave the rest. I'd sure give it a try if I was you. You've really got nothing to lose but an hour of your time, and possibly everything to gain...

Stung

My husband is my qualifier (I guess he's really my primary qualifier) but I feel like everyone in my al-anon meetings are all ACoA and it's difficult for me to relate (my mom's a narcissist, not an addict) to that aspect sometimes. I feel like most speakers start their stories with their alcoholic FOOs and I just cannot relate.

Al-anon doesn't trigger me. Even bad meetings have some little comforting nugget that I take away with me. The best meetings leave my sides sore from laughing when there is a really great speaker. My take away from each meeting is that I'm not alone and that there is no situation so bad that cannot be improved upon. And I'll be honest, when I first attended al-anon I didn't think my life could possibly get worse. Therapy and al-anon have helped me immensely but I was SOOOOOO skeptical at first and VERY reluctant to attend. I'm very happy I started going and have continued to go and work the steps. If nothing else, it's making a better mother and more thoughtful and compassionate human being.

thotful

For me, Al-anon meetings have been one of THE safest, most comforting places to be. I feel at home. I don't feel judged. I feel welcome. I feel safe to talk about things that make most people uncomfortable. We're not told what we can and cannot talk about. We can talk about the pain. We can talk about the joy. Whatever we're feeling. It was finally a place where I could take all the stuff from under the rug and start clearing it out in the open.

In my first meeting, an Al-anon member spoke about their qualifier (their parent) and what it was like growing up with an alcoholic. What was family life like, etc. That person's story was akin to to setting off a tuning fork, and I I felt a resonance within me. What the person spoke about seemed like they were reading from my diary. The diary I had never written. The diary I had thrown away. The diary I had locked away with no key.

Those meetings helped me find myself. I've completed the 12 steps and continue to work them every day. I still attend meetings like it was going to gym to exercise. It's a routine thing necessary for my health and well-being.