talia

hi ya'll..sure hope you've got some advice for me..

I am stuck..big time. ..I realize that I haven't been taking very good care of myself..

I don't have a Mon. thru Fri. kind of job..I work 3 days a week and have a lot of time on my hands...at work I am surrounded by people all day long...

I have spent the last 4 years living pretty much in "isolation" during my days off...I've been surviving ...but not living...and I don't want to do that anymore...I want to change that...

I feel like right now..I have no direction?...no self-discipline??...I know I need to get out of my head...take action!...I'm trying to work on the 12 steps...trying to work on "healing" the child within..I am reading books on codependency..working on my spirituality...

but my life has no order? I feel lost..I feel like I need some program to follow..I seem to have a high resistance to change..and right now..it's hard for me to get out of bed..I feel overwhelmed by all I want to do...I guess I don't know how to incorporate..this recovery...into some sort of daily plan to follow....

I made a list of things to do today...with all intentions of addressing them..but found myself wanting to "hide" under the covers this morning.

I keep telling myself..take action!!!..

I want to work on "recovering"..take care of myself in ways I haven't been..

can anyone help me...give me some suggestions..to get some order to my life?...do you have a program that you follow?...how do you make yourself take action??...

I feel lost here....

Magichappens

Hey talia,
Have you checked into Al-Anon or ACoA meetings in your area? I have benefitted greatly from the network of friends I have gained by attending meetings. In fact, I am on vacation this week and have plans to spend some time with some of my Al-Anon friends. There is a lot of guidance for my recovery too. I study Al-Anon literature and have been able to apply the teaching to all aspects of my life. Nothing is a cure all. Nothing can take struggle and challenges away. But Al-Anon has given me a better way to face life, without having to do it alone. Hugs, Magic

JT

Talia...I am guilty of the same things you are. For me part of what I have to do is take it easy on myself. I also have to take it slowly. We can't solve all of our problems overnight.

Having high expectations of yourself can be crippling...it can paralyze you. It is also a symptom of adult child syndrome. Another is isolation.

You want to take care of yourself? Then start there. Sometimes I have to put down all the literature and pick up a novel to get out of my head. Cut the list to one or two things...at least one that is fun and gets you out of the house.

Gotta go now,
Hugs,
JT

Star Gazer

I started to feel the same way. Isolated. That is what drove me to attend my first ACOA meeting. It gives me something to look forward to other than working or hang out at home.

journeygal

Hi Talia,

Ditto to what others said about going to meetings. It's a great way to start getting out of the house and establishing a routine in your life.

Do you ever feel called or compelled to do something? If so, listen to it and pursue it. Lately, something or someone has been telling me to start meditating and taking yoga classes. God only knows why but I'm going to try it and see what happens.

I'm sure there's something you've always wanted to do but maybe never thought you could. Now might be a good chance to look into it.

Take care,
JG

osier59

Hi Talia!

I used to live in the Dallas area, and there are some terrific meetings there. Please check out www.DallasAl-Anon.org. My personal favorite was the Addison meeting!

You could take a walk in your neighborhood and meet your neighbors, volunteer at a school.... there are many simple things you can do to get out a bit and meet some people. Ask your Higher Power to guide you - you might be amazed at the opportunities that will present themselves!

Hugs and love
Barb

Sandy Marie

Hi Talia,
I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel completely unmotivated until the little bulb goes off in my head. (This event doesn't happen very often.) Then I remember that I have to live my life one baby step at a time and that I should apply that to other areas of my life instead of just alcoholism. So I make my list of little errands. I set my stopwatch and off I go. I clock each errand and I find that each errand doesn't really take that much time. It was only when I viewed them as a whole that I got bogged down. I hope this helps you. If it doesn't, I apologize for making you read all of this.
You're such a good person, Talia. I don't like to know you're hiding from the world feeling lost. I'm always surprised at how many nice people I meet when I'm out and about.
Sandy

DAIBHI5

Talia

I have very similar work hours and in the past chose to isolate myself (only making it more difficult for myself). During the last two weeks or so I have really been focused on healing my inner child (enjoying things like I did when times were simpler). So last week, I went out and bought a felt coloring sheet and colored. I had plans to play in the rain this past weekend (although the only time it rained was while sleeping). I spent a lot of time talking to my closest friend (which has truly been the best blessing I could ask for). I take 2 of my children for ice cream after school. I allow myself to enjoy the things that meant so much to me growing up....some of those things that the enjoyment was stripped away from by a mentally abusive father. There was so much peace that I enjoyed while doing these activities and this week I plan on doing much of the same. So...ask your inner child "what would you like to do today" and do it. The more my inner child has a voice and the quieter my inner critic becomes...the more enjoyable life becomes. Along with that, I too have lived a codependent life and after reading several books, I came to realize that surrendering and taking control of my life and only my life was what I needed to do and that is what I work on daily. Best of luck to you Talia. Hang in there, the answers will come when you are ready for them.

David

Gabe

Thanks David. The voice of my inner child tends to quiet the voice of my inner critic.
Ever notice how seldom kids criticize?
They are too busy having fun.
There's a lesson there, I'm just sure there is.

talia

gosh..there is so much I want to say..I tried to post a response yesterday before work and I have no idea why it didn't go thru..but it didn't..and I didn't have time to re-write it all...

well, I think there was a lesson to be learned just in that...I left for work..feeling guilty...because the most important thing I wanted to say..was THANK-YOU all for taking the time to write to me..and I didn't want anyone to think I was ungrateful...

seriously...I think this is a part of my "thinking" that needs reprogramming..how silly is that..to assume everyone is going to decide immediately..that if I don't say thank-you right away...that I must be some ungrateful witch...a reminder..that I worry way too much about what people think of me..and what makes me think that I know what people are thinking anyway?..hope that makes sense...

thank- you MagicHappens,StarGazor,Journey and osier for the messages to attend Al-Anon and AcoA meetings..I do feel a need to connect with people that can relate to me...a place where I don't have to put a a "mask on"..I am going tomorrow evening to an Al-Anon meeting..when I called to get information...the nice lady who answered..said.."Go...trust me..."it's the best thing I ever did"...so I am going to trust all of you...that this is some very good advice...

thank-you JT and SandyMarie...there are so many aspects to "recovery"?.it seems daunting..one thing leads to another and then another..and then another..that's part of why I was feeling lost..but I do need to approach it in "baby steps"...I got in a hurry in wanting to do it all...and wound up spinning in circles one day..then paralyzed the next....

thank-you David...I will ask that question..."what would you like to do today for fun?".and then giving myself permission to do it??..my childhood experience was...nobody had permission to play...until all the work was done....

thank-you all..

with love,
talia

DAIBHI5

Didn't think you were ungrateful at all. Glad to hear you are taking those "baby steps". Keep it up.

David

dark angel

Talia, It sounds like you are already moving forward again. When I try to do everything at one time, I spin in circles too, it becomes to overwhelming. Then the negative thinking comes in, followed by worry, fear and then paralysis and isolation. What a vicious circle. I was always waiting for the fear to go away before I could do something. I had to learn that the fear of change or doing something new never goes away. Only by walking through the fear will we move forward. As long as we are changing and growing we will always have fear. And its in those small baby steps that we will see that we are moving forward and that things are getting better. It will give you the courage and motivation that you need. We can already see the changes in you. Can You? Dark Angel

talia

thanks darkangel...it is a vicious circle at times..

one day I feel like I am moving forward..the next day..I feel like I am taking 3 steps back....

wish there was a machine we could all just "hook" up to for 10 mins. or so and have all the negative thoughts erased..replaced with positive thoughts...and be done with it!..lol


talia

dark angel

Talia, I wish we could just say O.K. I know that negative thinking and behavior is bad for me and be done with it once and for all. I had really hoped it wouuld be that easy. But as life has it, I found out the hard way that recovery from anything has to be worked on a daily basis, or else thought by thought bad behavior after bad returns one by one. Progress not perfection. Dark Angel

Magichappens

Talia,
Honey, you aren't viewed here as anything but an asset. I am happy that you are trying to help yourself. Let us know how the meeting goes. Hugs, Magic