Payne

My mother is an alcoholic, it's still weird to say since she isn't the every day fall down drunk type of person. She lives a good life for everyone but her children, she is kind, charismatic, amazing at her job, and a great friend. My family has it's issues but I care for my brothers and my father deeply and have managed to create loving trusting, respectful relationships with them.
I have also managed by referring to my mother by her first name instead of giving her the name "mom" has helped me properly but respectfully distance from her. Most of the time this is enough to help. However a few months ago we lost my grandmother, her mother. A lot has happened and as a family we have pulled together if for no other reason then to stand tall against my out of town abusive, psychotic, addicted to everything uncle.
And there is where I made my mistake, instead of enjoying my mother as a friend I see on holidays, and whom I can chuckle at her drunken frivolities at family parties, I started to see her as a mother. She stood up and filled that roll.
This past Saturday she fell back into her normal pattern. She set up a time and place for my birthday with the family, I rearranged my schedule made it all work. She forgot to tell the rest of the family and then blew me off to go to a different bar. I absolutely crumbled, I screamed at my boyfriend, something I have never done, (we have since calmly discussed it), and I in general went a little wacky that night.
I feel I am back on solid ground again but it always amazes and bothers me that I must still hold onto such need to have a mother that I allow her to take that position back at the slightest good behavior, only to have my world crumble when she does nothing more than be her.
I'm loyal to a fault, my friends feel that is my biggest strength and fault, and i'm sure it's because of her. It's hard for me to remove people from my life as I'm the constant optimist assuming if people want it enough they will change. I no longer believe I can change them, but I find I still seem to leave my heart open for them to walk back in if they do "change." It's so stupid!

Latte

I am so sorry that all happened to you. Alcoholism takes amazing people and turns them in to people we have to learn to cope with instead of care for.

I'm going to give you a little background. I am in recovery myself and I grew up with an alcoholic father. He has been sober for a little over a year for health reasons-and I absolutely struggle with how to relate to him and how to allow him in my life. Just because he no longer drinks does not mean his actions are any different-he just isn't self medicating. In some ways this makes it more difficult. Your post helped me so much today. I'm helping him with some medical stuff over the next few days and I needed to read your post today. Thank you so much.

I'm sorry I don't have any more insight, but I sure hear what you are saying and appreciate you posting.

Kialua

So sorry things fell through like that. Just what always happens sad to say. Can't remember how many times my dad said we will do thus and such and never came through, but the next time he was going to be there. Yeah right. Well I guess we have to be reminded every so often.

Payne

The reminder is good when she called at midnight the other day i ignored it and let it go to voicemail, which was good as I was sleeping peacefully and she was calling upset that she couldn't get into a bar without ID. The boyfriend shook his head and we both rolled over and ignored her. The shock of the letdown was tough but I certainly recover better than I used to.

FeelingGreat

Paune, you're a talented writer. It would take a lot of training not to slip back into a daughter role. You did it, it was natural, and she let you down hard.

Your attitude in the second post is your best resort. She has some qualities that are loveable, but you can't take her seriously as a mother figure. It's very sad that she's drunk calling at mid-night, trying to get into a bar at her age.