Payne

Mother's Day always come with a slew of emotions for me. My AM beat me mercilessly as a child both physically and emotionally. I insisted on loving her through it like a good little Codie. A few years ago I was able to put healthy rules and space into our relationship and have managed to have a touchy "friendship" with her. Her mother passed a month ago, a surrogate mom for me growing up.
This weekend I had a miscarriage. The mother daughter relationship is driving me insane this year and I find that I'm running ram shot into my usual cycle of guilt and suppressing my own feelings. My grandmother would have wanted me to suck it up to be a good kid for my AM to be there in her mother's passing and what is bound to be a tough mothers day for everyone. I however would like to crawl into my bed and pretend the world doesn't exist to start with much less with all of these icky emotions swirling around. I'm having a hell of a time finding my center.
I guess there isn't a question or point to this just needed to scream/whimper in some direction before I explode.

happybeingme

I am sorry for your loss. Right now all that matters is your physical and emotional recovery.

I think Mother's Day is nothing more than a big sale day for Hallmark. Honestly.

If I were you I would mail her a card and stay away on Mother's Day. Your mom is only going to use the day as an excuse to get blinding drunk and throw herself a pity party. It will be a horrible day for you. Emotionally it could be devastating for you.

Payne

so true, I bet that's exactly how it goes.

DoubleDragons

I am so sorry for your loss. Please nurture yourself as best as you can. My miscarriage hit me very, very hard. I have this beautiful lawn ornament that I bought to commemorate that baby and I have taken it to every house we have owned since that miscarriage. My alcoholic mother was hideous about my miscarriage. I got the whole "it's for the best" lecture and a check. Vomit. I bought a ferret with the money from the check because at the time she already thought I had too many pets. LOL

I absolutely HATE Mother's Day and that is sad because I have four children of my own. I always devoted it to my Mom with only expectation on her part, no appreciation, but not his year, no way. I just went "no contact" with her over the weekend. I can't believe how long I have let irrational guilt and abusive control, affect my life. Just letting you know, I understand every myriad of emotion you are suffering through. xo

Payne

THe understanding can be so big. I have a wonderful support system but they come from homes where most of them had good moms, its hard to explain sometimes. I had barely realized I was pregnant when I lost the baby but even in that short time I'm amazed at how much I loved something that didn't even have a heartbeat it makes it hard to settle how she could be so cruel.
Since I was a kid a part of her has gotten better and I appreciate and support that part, that's why I stopped no contact, but expecting her to be supportive or not selfish would definitely be too much.

happybeingme

I hate the idea that we are supposed to make a big deal out of something one day a year. Father's day, Mother's Day, Valentine's day. Blech. I am a mom myself. A hug, a kiss, and I love you from my son's mean more to me than breakfast out, flowers or a box of chocolates.

Kialua

So sorry about your miscarriage. I had one also and got NO support or sympathy from any of my foo. None. They were awful. It hit me hard too. But this will pass. Of course my alcoholic dad cried great tears, but that was part of his shtick, always crying, always sorry, but never stopping or changing. I had the hardest time with Mothers and Fathers Day. It's pretty hard to be cheerful and participating with parents that were abusive beaters. Yet no one gets that, even foo. That was in the past they say. Well it's still hard. Be good to yourself. I understand.

seasaw

I'm sorry for both your losses and the ongoing loss of maternal support.

Mother's day was, for a long time, a tedious thing - do something so you don't get yelled at, do something to keep up the idea that things are fine and everyone's getting what they need and doing what they should be doing. Pretty silly.

Stung

I'm so sorry for you loss. I too had a miscarriage during my first pregnancy and it was very early on and it was still difficult to process. Be kind to yourself. Sending big hugs.

Payne

Lucky blessing i got invited to visit a great friend in a different state over mothers day weekend. Double bonus i wont be in town and ill be with a friend i consider a sister and is such a great supporter.