ajarlson

Every time (and I mean every time) I go to a fast food place or grocery store or anywhere that involves me having to talk to a stranger I feel odd when they say "have a nice day" and I start thinking "should I say have a nice day back? I don't really mean it so they will know I'm insincere but do they care? I would care and would rather have nothing than an insincere have a nice day". Same thing with co-workers I pass in the hall. My fiance sincerely says "You too!" or "Have a nice day!" - but I am always so caught up thinking about social niceties I usually say nothing LOL. Talk about over thinking...

happybeingme

Are you sure they are all insincere when they say it? It may be that they really do want you to have a nice day. I have worked various retail type jobs over the years and I have to say I was almost always sincere. Why? Because perhaps you will have a nice day and remember my small kindness in wishing it. So, you will come back and see me again.

Don't over think it. Just respond to it. You just might have a positive impact on someone else's day.

ajarlson

Thanks! I was just thinking at lunch that the reason I am so averse to it is probably because I had so many crappy days for so many years that I got a little resentful about it. My fiance says I am MUCH nicer to people these days Still a work in progress.

seasaw

Ok I don't know enough about being an ACOA yet to give insight, but - I just enjoy your posts so much - this made me chuckle because I totally understand. I overthink things like this ALL THE TIME.

seasaw

Like when people at the register ask how my day is, or if I'm just getting off work.

in my head: "do you want a REAL answer?! Do you even know how RUDE that is?? Haven't you had any real problems in your life!?!? should i tell a lie and have a fake conversation just to make you feel better??"

every day. every every day.

ajarlson

So glad I'm not alone seasaw!

NWGRITS

I'm known to be too nice. Everything's always just dandy. Wonder where I got that from... (We are the perfect family, and if you do anything to embarrass me or make anyone think that I'm not the best mother on the planet, you.will.pay.)

GracieLou

I don't get this so much from everyday salutations but I do from compliments. Hate to get a compliment. To my brain that equals you want something.

You want a compliment back now or in the future and I better be a step ahead or you will remind me that I have not given it.

You are going to ask (demand) something in the future and will use the compliment as an example of your "love" for me.

You are going to use the complement with a "but" in there i.e, "Your hair looks nice BUT the ends are dry".

On and on and on. When people do nice things for me or say nice things to me I feel a negative vibe almost instantly...They want something.

It is getting better. Surrounding myself with people that really do want the best for me has helped. It my thinking, no theirs that is the problem..LOL

NWGRITS

Yes. My husband is like, "Can't you just take a compliment without being neurotic about it?" Not yet, no.

PurpleKnight

Yeah I go with a "you too"!!

I had to learn to be confortable with small talk, I used to think it was all pretty shallow, but then I taught myself to see the good in it, the idea that it could be the only interaction that someone may have that day, that it may brighten up their day, who knows!!

Walking past people at work with the conversations about the whether, how are you etc etc, it was all just filling time with not a lot of meaning behind it sometimes, and it used to drive me insane!!

But now I'm a lot more chilled over just going with the flow!!

Kialua

My daughter has pointed out that I don't respond to the cashier's salutations and instead just smile and leave, but I didn't think that was a bad thing. I too thought their patter was shallow and they didn't care if I responded or not. I suppose most don't but I have had to smile back and say thank you and wish them well too or my daughter would be upset.

I had to work in a drugstore at 15 years old to pay for my own clothes and basics, etc. that my parents wouldn't supply because all their money went to alcohol. Customers at the drugstore would line up to pay, especially on the 1st of the month. This was of course in the worst part of town and they were spending their welfare checks. Lines of 25 people deep all day long. I HAD to thank them and wish them a good day but it became such a trial as many of them were drunk and unruly. The ones that wanted to chit-chat just irritated the ones waiting behind them. But then when it was their turn most of them wanted to chit-chat too. I was so grateful for the ones that just paid and left.

So I adopted that behavior of just paying, smiling and leaving thinking it was easier on the clerks. Did that for many years too. I won't go on chatting with the clerks but I do respond now. I guess I finally learned to equate it with the way people say, "how are you?" and they don't really want to know but you answer "fine thank you, and you?" and leave it at that.

NWGRITS

I've found "Doing well, thanks" is easy enough. If there's no line, I'll add "and you?". Since I'm normally the chatty Cathy who would stand there all day and talk, this gets me out with no obligation to chit-chat. And then some puerile are rude and won't even smile. I'm a mystery shopper on the rare occasion something is open in my area, and I love detailing my interactions with rude clerks. You're in the service industry, say hi and smile, dammit!